The Artist & The Mockingjay
by Genevieve Stoneburner
Summary: Cinna said I had to trust him with my life. That the boy with the bread would turn me into the girl on fire. I didn't know that one promise would change the course of my life forever, that I would open to the ideas I have guarded myself against. HG, CF, MJ. A twist on everything. EverLark & MasonGale
1. HG 1

I wake up, look over at the clock and groan. Any minute now Effie will be knocking on my door to announce that it was another "Big, big, big day!" in that awful Capitol accent.

I almost liked Effie, honestly. It wasn't her fault that she was born into the privileged life of The Capitol, while I was born in the Seam of District 12, the poorest and most ill equip District in Panem.

In truth, we are only ill equip because no one ever takes the time to train us. I know it's illegal to train ahead of time, but everyone knows that there are underground schools, mostly in District's 1, 2, and 4 that prepare the Careers for the arena.

We don't even start preparing for our shifts in the mines until we are 18, and only then do we learn how to use a pick axe...a skill that might be useful in the arena. No 18 year olds are ever reaped and none volunteer. In most years the tributes from our District don't survive the bloodbath.

Our "mentor" Haymitch Abernathy managed to win but for the life of me I don't know how he did it. I dare not even try to bring that topic up, not even in his mostly sober state. He would most likely say something to the effect of "That's none of your business, sweetheart."

I groan again when I hear the knock on the door, but when I don't hear Effie's voice I sit up and wait. After a moment I watch the handle turn and I'm greeted by sight of Cinna, my stylist.

I have never been the type of girl who pays attention to boys. The only boy I have any regular dealings with is Gale and I don't think of him in any romantic way at all. In fact I don't think of any boys in that way.

Cinna is in his late 20's maybe early 30's. He is tall, with skin like melted chocolate, a strong jaw line, and very masculine features. He wears his hair in a military style cut. Today he is wearing a pale orange silk shirt and a dark red vest with black slacks.

I have to admit to myself that I am almost glad that I have him for my stylist. I am still in awe of how they turned me from a simple girl from the Seam into Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire.

"Good Morning Cinna." I mean to smile but my mouth has other ideas, I let out a yawn and quickly cover my mouth as I feel my cheeks grown warm. I know that my face is now a bright scarlet color.

I hear Cinna laugh and I feel my whole body relax and I find myself laughing too.

"It's a good thing you're not Effie, she would've been shocked." Again he laughs and again I relax.

"So how is my girl on fire this morning?"

I roll my eyes and stretch out my arms over my head. "I've never slept in a real bed before, it's nice."

It's true back home I have this thin piece of foam that sits on the floor, it is not at all like the coils and thick padding of this bed.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Would you mind if we had a private breakfast this morning? I want to go over some ideas for your interview."

My interview with Caesar Flickerman is tonight. I have already been told by Haymitch that I am as likable as a dead slug and I know that Effie think I am hopeless.

Cinna comes out of my private bathroom and gives me a warm smile as he takes my hands in his and gives them a gentle squeeze.

"I've drawn you a bath. Relax and soak. I've laid out something for you to wear and I will return with the artist who will help me with your look for tonight. You will be stunning but you must trust me and him Katniss." He places a kiss to my forehead and quickly exits the room.

I walk into the bathroom and I'm amazed. The lights dimmed to a soft orange that's enhanced by the glow of what seems like a million tiny candles. The air is heavy with the smell of lavender and pine and floating on the surface of the water are katniss flowers. I slip into the water and let the warmth wrap around me.

The outfit Cinna left for me is beautiful but comfortable at the same time. A pair of dark jeans that hug my legs and a silk tunic top that is a dark orange at the top and fades to a pale orange at the bottom. I feel like I'm wrapped in sunlight.

I comb out my wet hair and leave it hanging loose, at Cinna's asking. I exit the bathroom and for a moment my heart stops.


	2. HG 2

My heart stops and there is an odd kind of twisting feeling in my stomach at the sight of Cinna's artist.

I try to will my legs to carry me the short distance from the bathroom to the small table but I am held in place for a moment.

Cinna and his guest are already seated and stop their hushed conversation when they see me standing there. Cinna comes over and places his hands on my shoulders and I relax. "Come. Breakfast is waiting."

He sits me next to my artist and I feel all the moisture leave my mouth as I try to speak.

"Hi." I want to die when that is the only thing that will escape my lips. I watch as he rings his hands and all my mind can do is think about how his hand felt while it was holding mine.

"Hi." Is all he can manage as well.

My nerves are overcome by the smell of the breakfast Cinna has for us. Bacon, eggs, fresh fruit, orange juice, tea, and something that makes me smile...cheese buns.

I have only had them a handful of times but if these are like the ones back in District 12 then I am in for a treat. In some of my exchanges with the baker he will trade me squirrel for bread, sometimes he will even throw in a cheese bun or some cookies for me and Prim.

"I love these, they're so good." I see the wide smile that comes over his face at my words.

"I make them." I almost choke at his confession. "And I do the icing for all the cakes and cookies too."

Prim will make me go by the window every time we are in town because she wants to look at the beautiful cakes, cakes that we never have the money to buy.

"Your dad brought me some when he came to see me." I thought about the tiny white and pink flowers and then something hits me...katniss and primrose, those flowers had been on the cookies.

"I made those just for you. I'm glad he gave them to you."

In this moment I hate myself for throwing them from the train window. "They where beautiful." I can't tell him the truth but this is not a lie. We eat in comfortable silence for a bit before Cinna pulls out his ever present black leather sketchbook.

"I had a design in mind for your first interview but when Peeta came to me with a design of his own I wanted to let you decide." He pulls a loose sketch from the book and places it in front of me.

The sketch is amazing, more like a work of art then a simple dress design. I let my fingers run over the curves of the woman in the drawing. Her face is delicate but strong, her body is again delicate but she is stunning and I wonder if this is how he sees me. "It's amazing Peeta."

His smile is brilliant and lights up his crystal blue eyes, eyes that remind me of the lake where I spent summer mornings with my father after our hunts. "So beautiful." His words are just a whisper but I feel that twisting again as he speaks them.

I look back to the sketch and study it but I can still feel his eyes on me.

The dress is in the same colors as the tunic Cinna put me in dark reds that turn warm, blazing oranges that turn into soft golds. It falls to my mid thigh and covers my left shoulder. I run my fingers over the delicate waves of the dress and realize that they are not waves but feathers. My arms and legs are covered in thin ribbons of flames.

"Yes, I'll wear it. It's...I love...it's perfect." I trip over my words and feel my cheeks burning again and I drop my head and focus on my hands that rest on my lap.

I look up and notice that Peeta seems to be nervous and again he is ringing his hands. "I'm glad...you...love it...Katniss."

I feel Cinna's hands on my shoulders and I almost jump. "Let me have a few moments to talk with her while you get your supplies together. I'll call your room when she is ready."

I watch as he stands up and quickly exits the room. When he's gone Cinna takes the seat that Peeta just left.

"It's never happened before. Tributes don't usually design dresses for their District partners but he is a very talented young man and his designs for you are akin to my own."

I look down at the sketch and notice the pin that sits on my collarbone. "It's a perfect dress. It's just...I'm not...this."

I feel Cinna's fingers under my chin and he lifts my face so my head is high and turned toward his. "You are this Katniss. You are beautiful and in my hands you became the girl on fire but in his hands you will become the canvas that all of Panem will be talking about."

"This dress in going to be very special Katniss and I'm honestly jealous that I didn't think of it myself. He came to me on the train and showed it to me. We had a long talk and I told him that I would speak to you about it." He takes the sketch and runs his fingers over the gold outline of feathers that trim the dress.

"This dress requires one important thing...trust." I give him a questioning look and he just smiles. "Each feather, each swirl of flame is made of a very special paint. A paint that turns to a delicate silk when it dries."

I shake my head. "It's paint? So I'll be standing in front of all of Panem naked?"

I hear Cinna snicker. "No. Peeta designed a cover that will go over the silk. It's a sheer orange tunic." I smile a little and Cinna returns it.

"I've seen him work with these paint. He's talented. But you must trust him to make you into what he desires you to be. We have had many talks and I feel comfortable trusting you to his hands."

His hands...if these feathers have to be painted on then that means that Peeta will have to touch we everywhere. At this thought the twisting in my stomach turned into a tingle.

"What does he mean to you Katniss?" Cinna asked me this and my mind flashed back to a rainy night five years ago.

"The boy with the bread." The words where just a whisper but Cinna heard him.

"You have no idea how much he cares for you." I let my head fall as Cinna's hand comes to rest over my heart.

"Trust him...let him in here Katniss. Take your time and feel each other out. Trust his hands and his heart. I'm going to go get him now. I'll see you tonight." He kisses my forehead before he exits the room.

I sit on the edge of the bed holding the sketch in my hands. I press it to my chest and wait for my artist to return. And wonder if I can do what Cinna ask. Can I let the boy with the bread into my heart knowing that we both might die soon?


	3. HG 3

The knock on the door shakes me from my thoughts. I rise from the bed, sketch still pressed to my chest with my left hand, and open the door to find Peeta standing there with a large black case in his hands.

"Can I come in?" I feel a smile pull at my lips. He's such a gentleman. I use my right hand to sweep the space between us and motion for him to come in.

I watch as he walks over to the table and sets down the case. He is wearing a soft orange tee shirt and a pair of dark jeans and black shoes. The shirt is stretched slightly around his arms.

I have seen Peeta lift bags of flour and in school I've seen him wrestle so I know that he's strong but a part of me wonders if the rest of him looks as strong as his arms do. I bite my lip when he turns around and catches me looking.

"See something you like sweetheart?" I want to roll my eyes cause I have heard Haymitch say this to me before but coming from Peeta it doesn't sound crude it almost sounds flirtatious.

"You." I feel my cheeks turn red and I see the same blush on Peeta's face. "I'm...sorry. I didn't mean to...sound so..." I cover my face with my hands, letting the sketch fall to the floor.

I feel firm hands gently wrap themselves around my wrists. "Katniss." He says my name and I sigh when his warm breath floats over my skin and his hands lead mine away from my face. "Please open your eyes." I open them, not realizing that I had closed them. His eyes are not Seam eyes, like mine and Haymitch's a dull ashen gray, they are bright and warm and full of so many things.

"You're beautiful. Don't hide it Katniss." I relax but he doesn't let go of my wrists. I don't try to pull away, I simply watch as he brings first my right and then my left palm to his mouth...placing a gentle kiss before releasing my hands. "Can we talk for a bit? There's still some fruit left." I nod my head and we walk toward the table and sit down facing each other.

"What's your favourite color Katniss?"

I say the first thing that comes to my mind. "Green." I see him smile a little.

"Like grass or like pine?" He asks and I find myself smiling back at his question.

"Grass in early spring." I feel silly for saying it like that but Peeta just chuckles.

"Katniss, you look pretty in those colors. This one..." he brushes his hand across the hem of my tunic and rubs the fabric between his thumb and forefinger. "It's my favourite. The soft orange that kisses the horizon at sunset."

I close my eyes and I try to see it the way he might. "It's beautiful Peeta."

I feel his breath on my ear and his hands on my knees. "You're prettier. Beautiful."

I feel him try to pull away and this time it's my arms that hold his wrists. I put them back on my knees and he gives a questioning glance. "I like it, you're warm."

"I like you...since forever." Peeta's words are quite and his head is downcast, looking at my hands that are still around his wrists. He's liked me since forever? My mind again flashes back to that day in the rain. Did he do it on purpose, throwing me the bread?

I let go of his wrists and he looks up at me and I see a fear in his eyes. "When did it start...forever?" I see a small smile come to his face.

"The first time I saw you. Your hair was in two braids then, not one. You had on this red plaid dress." My mind flashes back to the first time I wore it...the first day of school. I was five.

"My dad pointed you out to me. He said 'See that girl. That's Katniss Everdeen, I wanted to marry her mother but she fell in love with a miner.' When I asked him why she would do that he said it was because the birds stopped singing when your dad sang."

I laugh a little at that but it was true. "We where in music assembly and the teach asked 'Who knows The Valley Song?' Your hand shot up." I see the smile on his face and I feel the blush on mine. "When you sang I saw the birds stop and I knew I was a goner." I can't believe it for a moment.

"Peeta..." my voice is so small and I don't really know what to say, but I'm pull from my thoughts when I feel his fingers under my chin lifting my face to his.

"You saved my life." I can see that he too is remembering that night.

"I should have done more. I should have gone to you. I should have gone out in the rain and..."

I cut off his words with two fingers to his lips. When his lips press into my fingers the tingle in my stomach grows stronger.

I stand and all my mind can think of is running out of the room but I freeze when I feel his hands on my waist.

"Stay...please?" I've never been this close to a boy who wasn't Gale but my body seem to be taking over because my hands come up and wrap around his neck and before I realize it my lips are pressing into his.

For a moment he doesn't react and I am sure that I've done something wrong until I feel his hands tighten around me and his lips begin to move against mine.

His tongue runs along my bottom lip and I let my mouth fall open and I am shocked when I feel his slip into mine. I moan and Peeta tighten his hand and I am firmly pressed into his warmth.

I let my hands snake into his hair and I am amazed at the softness of his curls. Curls that are a soft golden blond. Making him seem more like an angel then a boy. This time it's Peeta who moan against my lips and the sensation causes a trimer to run through my body.

Our lips separate but your bodies remain pressed together. "That's was...wow." He rest his forehead to mine and takes a breath.

"I never thought I'd get to do that." I smile and wonder if he's done this before.

"Have you ever...before?" I say.

He gives me a shy smile. "Just you, it's always you. Have you before?" I shake my head. "Everyone talks about you and..."

I laugh. "Gale? No he's like...we're just...friends . We hunt together but that's it." I see Peeta relax and he pulls me into another kiss but this time it's deeper.

His lips move along my jaw line, placing feather light kisses as he moves up. "Katniss." My name is a like a moan as his breath floats over my skin and his arms lock around my waist and I am once again pressed against him and this time I notice the hardness against me.

I run my hand over his right cheek and I see him eyes close. I know it's not there anymore but in my mind I can see the angry red mark left from the rolling pin. I left my fingers run along the skin.

"She hit you because of me. I saw it...you did that for me. I never touch you like that."

"Can I?" His voice is soft and sweet. "Can I touch you Katniss?"

I'm a little confused by his question because he is touching me. Then Cinna's word come back to me. If he's going to paint me he's going to have to touch every part of me...every part!

I feel my body tense and Peeta quickly steps away. "I'm sorry. They can use the other dress. I just..."

"Yes. I want you to...the sketch is amazing. I just...never been...please? Touch me Peeta."


	4. HG 4

I suddenly felt nervous. The words left my mouth and I didn't even realize how forward I sounded until I heard myself speak them.

Did I real want him to? Do we ever know what we're doing? Can I trust him? He's had a crush on me since we where 5...so for the last 11 years I've been the only girl in his world and he didn't exist for me until that night 5 years ago.

He's the boy with the bread, the boy who gave me the push I needed to pick up my bow and go into the woods to hunt. He gave me hope. But what can I give him when we are headed to our deaths soon?

I have never let myself think of the idea of love or any other fluffy emotion. I have spent the years since my dad's death watching my mother go from a catatonic shell to a normal person again. She breakdown but I never got the chance.

I had to think of Prim. If I shut down she would have died. I had to be everything for her. I hunted so that she would not go hungry, I gave her some of my share. I braided her hair and tucked her in at night. My little duck. She is all I know of love.

But it's clear to me that his boy in front of me has been in some kind of love with me since we where kids...with me! My mind can not understand how anyone could love me. I am not like some of the girls in District 12. I am not tall, my features are not remarkable. I have Seam eyes, small breasts, and I have no real curves.

I realize that I can almost feel Peeta's eyes on me and when I look up I see the way that he seems to be studying me. Like he's trying to look at me in some places without being too obvious. Always a gentlemen.

"Peeta?" His name seems to snap him out of his trance. He looks at me with those amazing blue eyes and when I see him bite his lip I realize what I would want him to do. "Kiss me please?"

His smile is brilliant and I hold out my arms to him and find myself smiling when he walks toward me. He laces our fingers together and holds them at my sides. "You have no idea the effect you have on me."

"Then show me." With this he releases my hands and his lips crush into mine. The kiss is enough to knock me backward with the force of his touch. We both stumble and his arms again lock around my waist and he centers me.

I feel his lips move, over my jaw and back up to my ear. He presses me into him and his voice is almost a purr in my ear. "Do you feel it Katniss? The effect you have?" I let out a moan because Peeta's hands have moved to my bottom and I am being pressed hard into his erection.

"Peeta." I can't think of what to say or what to do next. He steps back and his face is soft and gentle and he seems almost embarrassed by his actions. And I feel like we have both been snapped out of our shared moment of courage.

We stand in silence for a moment and this time I'm the one to make the next move. I walk over and let my fingers run from his elbow slowly up to the muscles of his biceps. "I've seen you...those bags of flour have to weigh a hundred pounds or more." I can feel him tense and then relax under my touch. I decide to be a little bold and see what happens.

I take my pointer finger and run it down the center of his chest. I hear him gasp and I bite my lip when I come to the hem of hem. "Can I see?" I try to sound seductive but I'm almost sure I've failed because Haymitch called me a dead slug the other day.

Peeta stumbles over his words and ends up just nodding his head. So I slowly pull the shirt up his chest and I feel all the moisture leave my mouth with each inch of revealed flesh. He lifts his arms over his head and I remove the shirt and step back.

I let my eyes slowly trail down his body. His shoulders are broad and arms are lightly muscled but I know from having them around me that he does not lack strength. His chest is wide but defined and tapers down into a lean waist. His abs are lightly defined but still I know that he is strong.

"You're beautiful." I want to touch him but I decide to not push but my fingers start to twitch.

"Can I?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

"You can do whatever you want, sweetheart." I roll my eyes and he he laughs a little.

"Haymitch is an ass but you..." I run my middle and forefinger down the center of his chest as I speak. "You...are...simply...delicious." I stop just shy of his belly button where I see a light dusting of hair and punctuate my sentence by letting my tongue dart out and wet the corner of my mouth.

I hear a growl come from deep in Peeta's chest and I give him a sly smile before I place my palms flat on his chest. He wraps his wrists and brings my hands up and guides them over my head.

"My turn to touch you, sweetheart." The endearment is almost a snarl and for some reason the twist in my stomach twist a little more at the dangerous tone of Peeta's voice.

I stay perfectly still as he places feather light touches to the sides of my rib cage before his fingers reach the hem of my tunic. He shifts so that he is standing behind me as he slowly lifts the fabric up and over my head. His hands slide up my arms and lock around my wrists. Before easing them down and placing them at my sides.

His lips are at my ear and his hands are still wrapped around my wrists. "Cinna said I needed to learn every curve of your body. Know how you move, how you flow, how you...react." He releases my left hand and brings his free hand up to sweep the hair from my shoulder. He gathers the hair into a pony tail and gently pulls my head to the side.

I moan when I feel his lips at the base of my neck and he slowly move up toward my ear, he places gentle kisses to the flesh and when I feel him suck my earlobe into his mouth I whimper a little. "Your delicious too Katniss. I wonder," he releases my other arm and wraps one of his arms around my waist pinning me to him, "if every part of you tastes as sweet."

I try to push my thighs together but in my restrained state it only serves to push me into the hardness of Peeta's growing erection causing me to moan again.

His lips return to my ear and he release me from the vice grip of his arm. "Another thing we have to have is trust Katniss. Without it we won't be as good in the arena. So tell me do you want to trust me?"

This is something I have never thought of before. Do I want to trust this boy? This boy who might kill me or worse yet I might have to kill him? There is no way that we are both making it out of the games alive. So do I trust this day for the short time that we have left? What do I have to lose?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as his lips glide over the skin of my neck and shoulders. "Yes I want to trust you Peeta." I feel his smile against my skin and then his fingers are running down my spine.

"Are you sure Katniss?" This fingers linger at the top of my bra and I know what trusting him will mean...exposing myself.

"Yes." I hear the breathless moan in my voice at the same time I feel the fabric separate from my body. My hands twitch wanting to cover myself but I stop them and force them to stay at my sides.

Peeta comes to stand in front of me and his eyes keep contact with mine. Gone are the bright blue, now they are a darker blue and wide with fear and something else that I can't place.

"You're so beautiful Katniss. So perfect." His eyes hold mine and I realize that even with me standing half naked in front of him he is still trying to be a gentlemen. "Can I touch you?" His voice is soft and gentle laced with fear but edged with longing.

"Please." Is all my mind will produce and I silently curse the eager tone of the word. I am shocked when I see is hands come to rest on my shoulder. I let out a sigh of what I am sure is relief.

His fingers knead at the flesh and I feel my whole body relax and I wonder if Cinna told him this would work. He lets his fingers trail down my arms and again they wrap around my wrists.

He brings my palms to his lips and places gentle kisses to them before placing them behind my back.

"Trust me Katniss?" I bite my lip and nod my head.

"Yes." I weakly choke out.

His fingers sit at my waistline and I watch as let slowly glide up my sides and over my ribs before they glide back to where they started.

"You're amazing. Better then any dream." I feel my breath hitch at this. Peeta Mellark has had these kind of dreams about me. ME? I know he has two older brothers so I'm sure he has heard some things but...ME?

I feel the twist in my stomach again and I am in a kind of pain that I have no referance for. I have never given any thought to a moment like this. Didn't think I would even let myself be in this kind of position. I feel oddly powerful but at the same time weak. "Please Peeta...please?"

He looks at me with an unsure look in his blue eyes and I know in this moment that he may just be as lost and unsure as I am. In a moment of boldness I wrap my hands around his wrists and lead his hands toward the only place that mind can produce.


	5. HG 5

Our moans comes in unison as my hands guide Peeta's to my breasts and in the moment of silence my mind is filled with a panic worried that he won't like what I've placed in his hands.

His hands don't move and he looks at me still with those unsure blue eyes. My lips move but no sound comes and my mind is screaming for him to move. I arch my back slightly, pushing them into his hands and this seems to wake him from his daze.

I moan at the first gentle knead of my flash and for a moment I feel like dough under his touch. They're so soft, his hands, not rough and calloused like Gale's. Peeta's fingers spread and cup me as though testing the weight. "So perfect...God...Katniss."

The way my name falls from his lips makes the knot twist again in that almost painful manner. "Katniss." He draws it out slowly letting it end in a purring hiss that makes the twist deepen and I let my mouth fall open and the sound that comes

from my throat is a strangled whimper that makes Peeta moan.

His hands leave my breasts and I suddenly feel very cold and almost empty. I look into Peeta's eyes and they are the darkest blue I've ever seen.

He takes a step toward me and his hands press onto my waist and then slips to my bottom as he pulls me flush against his body. Flesh to flesh and I feel the heat of his skin as it seems to warm mine until I feel as though I am truly the girl on fire.

Peeta's hands dip lower and cup my ass, pulling my close to him and making our bodies line up perfectly. My chest and stomach flatten against his and once again I feel the hardness in the spot they makes my legs want to go weak but I try to stay steady.

His lips return to my ear and his hot breath fans over my face make me whimper. His tongue darts out and I feel it ghost along the shell of my ear and I choke on the air that fills my lungs. I bite my lip and try to squirm but this only causes me to press against him more, rubbing me at my core.

"Kat...niss Ev...er...de...en." Again he draws out my name and this time it's painfully slow and it makes my body move seemingly on its own. My hips thrust forward as Peeta's nails dig into the fabric of my thin jeans. I moan and I hear him snicker...bold Peeta is back again.

"You have no idea how good it feels to hold you like this, to touch you, to..." I see his eyes drop to my lips and I let them fall open. He swallows my breath with a searing kiss that pushes our bodies closer together. I bring my fingers to his elbows and let my nails rake up his biceps, earning me a deep moan and a tightening of his fingers against my bottom.

We are both breathless as we break our kiss and we rest with our foreheads touching and our hands still locked onto the other.

"Katniss?" My name is gentle and soothing. "Can I...try something with you?" I am amazed at Peeta's desire to make sure that I am willing and comfortable with every step of this process.

"Sure." I give him a small smile and I see his eyes sparkle with excitement and I am almost sure that mine mirror his as he takes my hand in his and leads me toward the bed.

When we reach the bed Peeta let's go of my hand and looks into my eyes. "You're so beautiful Katniss. I know you don't believe me, but it's true and if you'll let me...I want to prove it to you. Will you let me?"

I feel the blush warm my cheeks and I know that Peeta can see it. "I'll let you try."

He gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me. I watch him craw onto the bed and position himself in it's center. When he opens his arms to me I craw up the bed and let him wrap me into his arms.

I rest my head into the crook of his neck. His chin rests on my head and his arms encircle me and I am amazed again by how perfectly our bodies seems to fit together. I hear him sign and I snuggle into him listening to the pace of his heartbeats as they begin to slow.

I'm not sure how long we sit there curled into each other but I feel his heartbeat pick up and I raise my head to look into his eyes.

His hand cups my face and he pulls me into a slow, sweet kiss that makes my toes want to curl and makes my heart beat faster.

"Can I try?" I shake my head and he gives me a quick kiss to my lips. Then he wraps his hands around my arms and shifts us so that I am sitting where he was and he guides me so that I am laying on my back and he is propped up on one arm.

"I want you to be comfortable Katniss. I want you to trust that I would never do anything to hurt you. I want to bring you...pleasure...I want to make you feel safe." He presses a gentle kiss to me lips and I relax. This eyes trail down my body and I feel his gaze linger at my breasts. "Can I taste you, all of you? Will you trust me Katniss?"

"I promise. I'll try." I him smile and I can tell that whatever is coming is going to making him nervous. I watch as he sits up and straddles my lap and when his hardness connect with me again I know that I can't stop the moan that escapes my lips at the contact.

His lips go to my ear and I smile because I know what he's about to do, "Katniss." I fight the urge move and try to push his name out in an answering fashion.

"Pee..ta." I let it in end in a breathy moan that makes him crush his lips to mine in a bruising kiss.

He moves his tongue to my jaw, flicks it in the hollow behind my ear, peppers kisses down my throat and across my shoulders, and flicks his tongue along my collarbone and then he stops, his eyes lingering on my breasts.

His hands return to my breast and he touch is gentle as he kneads my flesh. I let my eyes fall shut and I moan when his thumbs start to flick over my nipples causing them to harden and sending a rush of warmth through my body.

I try to keep my eyes shut but when I feel Peeta's fingers pinch and roll at the nub my eyes shot open as my hips buck and I hear a chuckles as he speaks. "Did you like that Katniss? Good then let me try something?"

Before I can say anything his head dips down and I feel his breath warm over my skin as his tongue flicks out and I watch him lap at the hard peaks. I moan and he wraps his lips around it, causing me to gasp and whimper.

He sucks and nibs at me and when his tongue swirls around I fist my hands into his hair and he snickers against my skin and I pull his head up and bring his lips to mine and this time it's my kiss that bruises his lips.

Our foreheads meet again and I let my lips find his ear.

"Peeta." I let him name roll off my lips in a purr and I feel him grid his erection against me.

"I can feel the effect I have on you but I want to know...can I SEE that effect?" I don't know where the words are the boldness comes from but I feel powerful.

"Oh God Katniss. Are you sure?" I look into his eyes and they are soft and pleading and I see the fear in them.

I place a gentle kiss to his lips and I feel him relax. "Take off your shoes Peeta."

I keep my voice as light as I can and I watch as he sits up and starts to untie his shoes. I raise an eyebrow and smile.

"Double knotted?" He laughs a little.

"I use to trip a lot when I was little." I laugh too because I remember seeing it.

"They where so mean." He looks at me questioningly. "They use to call you Mallard Mellark."

I see his head drop and I wrap my arms around his shoulder and place a kiss to the crow of his head. "Let me help you forget. Please?" I let the last word hiss out and I notice the change in Peeta's body language.

"Katniss." I smile when I hear him say my name like that.

"Get comfortable. It's turn to bring you pleasure." I hear him swallow hard and then settle himself into my previous spot.

I straddle his legs and I slowly roll forward until I am once again pressed against his erection. When he moans at the contact I shift again and smile.

"God Kat.." I cut off his words with a kiss and his hands lock onto my hips and push me down as his hips rock up. We both moan into the kiss.

I take his wrists and lead his hands to the head board. "Be a good boy for me Peeta." I see his smile and I bite my lip as I rock forward.


	6. HG 6

I've never really paid attention to boys and I have never, until today, been straddled half naked on top of one. I try to study every inch that is exposed to me.

I let my eyes trail down his neck, over his broad shoulders, I've seen him throw a hundred pound sack of flour over those shoulders. His chest is wide but the muscles are firm and tight. His stomach is lightly defined but again I know that he is strong and hard but I like the softness that wraps around every part of him.

I let my eyes wonder just a bit lower to the bulge that is every evident to me because it has been pressed into me many times. "See something you like, sweetheart?"

I bury my head on his shoulder trying to cover the blush that covers my face. I let out a content sigh when his arms wrap around me.

"I love how warm you are Peeta." I close my eyes and I breath in his scent. Strong but gentle. "My boy with the bread."

I hear him chuckle and I blush more when I realize that I said that out loud. "My girl on fire."

I place a gentle kiss to the lobe of his ear and I relish in his moan when I graze the skin with my teeth.

"Now it's my turn, Peeta." I draw his name out like I did before and he tightens his grip on my waist.

I copy his action from earlier and I let my tongue trace the shell of his ear and when his nails dip into my skin I do it again but this time I take my time and when I'm done with the shell I move to the flesh behind his ear. My nose brushes over his curls and I swear I can smell flour.

I feel his nails scratch at the flesh of my back and when I moan he lets him nails slowly rake up my spine and then his hands fist into my hair but it's his eyes that hold me.

"They're beautiful...your eyes. Like the sky in summer and just as warm." I see his smile and I smile back.

"They're like steel wrapped in smoke. Your eyes aren't dull Katniss, they're strong, they have fire. I want to look at them forever, I'll never get tired of them." I kiss him and let a hand snake into his hair, pulling his head to the side and giving me better access to his throat.

I kiss across his shoulders, his collarbone, and let my lips ghost over his nipples. I let my tongue swirl around and I smile when I hear the sharp hiss exit his lips. I breath his name into his skin and he moan and buck his hips.

I latch my lips onto the nub and suck lightly. I hear him try to form words but they seem to die on his lips. I bring my thumb and forefinger to his other nub rolling and pinching it. This earns me my name being hissed out of his mouth as his hands fist into my hair and guide me to his mouth.

The kiss is deep and passionate and when we break the twist makes itself known to me again. I roll my hips forward and Peeta's nails dip into the material at my hips and he holds me still. I know that trying to break his hold is almost impossible."God Katniss. I need more of you. Can I?"

I smile again at Peeta, always the gentlemen. I see him bite his lips as his eyes leave mine and I feel his gaze linger for a moment over my breast before it trails down my stomach and settles a bit lower and I feel his fingers tense and relax.

"Katniss, I don't you to do anything that you don't want to. I'd never hurt you...I'd rather die then see you hurt." I realize that even if we survive the bloodbath that when the moments of our deaths come it will not be at the other's hands. Then it hits me what he might be trying to say.

I feel bold but at the same time I see the pain in his eyes and I am suddenly unsure of just how to continue. So I decide to give myself over to my instincts.

I place two fingers to his lips and he kisses them and I feel him tense. "Peeta." I say his name in the same way that I use to say Prim's when she was hurt or sick. I feel him relax and I raise his left hand from my hip and place it over my heart.

"I'm not good with words, not the way you are but I'll try." His hand comes up to cover mine.

"It's ok Katniss you don't have to say anything." I sigh and I know he is trying to give me an out but I want him to at least know what that day meant to me and how it changed my life.

"You said forever started for you the first day of school." I see a sad smile come to his face.

"Yeah and I've spent the last 11 years trying without success to talk to you." I smile and lean pressing my lips to his ear.

"And now you have me half naked in your lap." I hear him moan and his hands return to my hips as he buck and pushes me into him again.

I look at his eyes and I am floor by the emotions that I see there. Concern wars with desire and before I can think I hear the words begin spill out of me.

"You saved my life, you took a breading for me, I saw her hit you...the mark it left on your face. You threw them to me, burned them on purpose. I should have said something to you but I didn't. That bread was the reason I started hunting, you gave me the strength to save myself and my family."

His fingers sweep over my cheeks and when he pulls them away I see the wetness and realize that I have been crying. "We're here together now and that's all we have Katniss. I love you Katniss Everdeen. Just let me show you what that can be like. Can I?"

I smile, new tears steam down my face, and all I can think to say is..."Please."


	7. HG 7

I watch as Peeta unzips the black boots that Cinna has designed for me. They remind me of the worn leather boot that I wear to hunt. I find comfort in them, I prefer them to those God awful 6 inch heels Effie forces me to stumble around in.

Once he has removed them I watch him crawl back up to me. He places a gentle kiss to my lips, more of a brush of the lips then I kiss but it still sends a shiver through my body.

His breath ghost over my jaw and when he reaches my ear and let out a giggle that makes my whole body turn red in embarrassment. I have never been that kind of girl but with Peeta I feel a different Katniss come to the surface.

"Ka...at...ni...ss." I am pulled from my thoughts but the slow hissing of my name and his warm fingers begin to knead at my breasts. "Come back to me, sweetheart."

I moan and he snickers. "Do I have your full attention now Ms. Everdeen?" I moan again and nod my head. "Good." His lips turn up in a smirk just a second before they crush themselves to mine.

He breaks the kiss and trails his lips down the center of my body, when he reaches my belly button I feel his tongue dart out and flick over the skin causing me to moan.

His fingers run along the skin just above the waistline of my jeans, drawing lazy designs over the flesh causing me to shiver and moan. He looks up at me and his blue eyes are soft and pleading.

"Are you really sure about this Katniss? I don't want you to feel like...you have...I don't have to." I smile and a slight laugh escapes my lips, always a gentlemen.

"I'm sure Peeta. It's ok." If I am honest with myself I am not at all sure or ok with any of this. I have ever had sex or even touch myself for that matter. All I know about the subject comes from my mother's almost clinical information and things I have heard the girls at school talk about.

I am sure that Peeta also has no first hand experience because he has admitted that I am the only girl he has ever touched or kissed but he does have two older brothers so I can only imagine what they have said to him.

"Katniss?" His voice is a soft whisper against my skin and I see him looking at me with concern in his eyes as his fingers rest on the zipper of my pants. I nod and close my eyes.

I keep them closed as I feel Peeta's fingers urge me to lift my hips off of the bed. I do and I feel him slowly pull the fabric down my legs and away from my body.

I open my eyes and see that Peeta is sitting at my side and his eyes and slowly grazing up and down my body, not wanting to look at one area for too long. When he sees me watching him his face turns a bright red.

"You're so beautiful Katniss. Everything about you is perfect." I roll my eyes.

"I'm far from perfect Peeta." He just give me that 'I'll prove you wrong' look and I sign.

I want to cover myself but I don't. Since my first meeting with my prep team and stylist I have been naked more times then I've wanted to...but this is different. I am under the gaze of a 16 year old boy.

I have take the time to study this 16 year old boy and I have to admit that he is a very handsome boy. His strength and build might scare some but I find a comfort and I feel safe wrapped in his arms.

Cinna put me in an orange bra and panties set and I wonder now if he had done this for Peeta. I know that they talked and now I am starting to wonder just how much of a role Cinna and Portia play in this set up.

I am again brought out of my thoughts by Peeta's hands running along my waist. I look up and his eyes are once again that dark blue and he is biting at his bottom lip.

"These are pretty, my favourite shade." I see the flirty smile one his lips as his fingers stop at the delicate ribbons that hold them on. I swallow hard and try to push my legs together when I feel the heat shoot to my center.

I feel his hands flatten and run down my thighs. His thumbs dip into the space between my legs and put against the skin. "Don't be...open up to me Katniss."

I slowly let my legs fall open and I hear the strangled moan at leaves his throat. "God...you're...beautiful." I put my hands on my hips and let my fingers come to rest on the bits of lace and when I realize that I have Peeta's complete attention I slowly pull the ribbon and he watches as the fabric falls away revealing to him my center.

He just stares at me and I can feel the heat of his gaze and the twist of the knot in my stomach. "Do you trust me Katniss?" I have no idea what he's going to do but I nod my head and let my eyes close.

I feel this weight shift on the bed and then I feel him settle. I open my eyes and he is sitting on his knees between my legs and his eyes are locked on my face.

He gives me a smile and the look in his eyes make me whimper under his stare. He shifts back and lowers into a crouch. "Put your legs over my shoulders Katniss."

I do as he asks and I moan when I feel his nose graze the heated flesh. "Mmm...you smell amazing, I wonder if you taste..." I almost scream his name when I feel his tongue on me. "Shh..." his hot breath on me is almost too much. "We don't want Effie to find us like this, we you?"

"Or Haymitch." I say in a laugh that quickly turns into both of us shuddering.

"Manners Ms. Everdeen." I want to laugh at Peeta's Capitol accent but I'm stopped by his tongue returning to my center.

He laps up and down slowly, drawing small whimpers from me and I bite the side of my lips to stop from moaning. "Peeta...Peeta."

His tongue gently separates my folds and I buck my hips up at the sensation which causes Peeta to push in more. "You taste better then icing Katniss."

I find myself giggling at his words. "Don't stop...please?" He snickers and I feel his fingers trail up the insides of my thighs.

"I want to touch you. Now that I've had a taste of your sweetness." His pointer finger glides over my folds and I know now what he is going to do. He pushes in slowly and I hear a strangled hiss come from his lips as his eyes fall closed.

I have heard girls at school talk about this but now that Peeta was doing it to me I understand what all the fuss was about. "More Peeta." He looks at me and smiles.

He crawls up my body and lays against my side with his hand still at my center. His finger returns to its task of slowly pumping in and out of me and when his lips meet mine I can taste a hint of that sweetness they he talked about. I moan when he adds his middle finger and I close my legs around his hand only to realize that this pushes him deeper into me.

I hear him snicker in my ear and I smile. "Katniss you're so warm, so slick. I wonder how I'd feel inside you." I choke on the air in my lungs and the twist in my stomach become a painful knot.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...been so." I hear Peeta's voice return to it's normal soft tone. I can hear the rejection in his tone and it hurts me, because the idea of bring him pain is almost more then I can stand.

"It's not that Peeta. It's just that...it's not fair that...you've...it's been all about me. I wanted to..." I blush at the idea, "try something."

His hand cups my face and I give him a shy smile. "Can I?"


	8. HG 8

Once again we have switched positions. Peeta lays in the center of the bed and I am next to him propped up on my side. My fingers drawing lazy designs across his chest.

His hand rest on the small of my back and I have to admit to myself that I like the way I feel in his arms. He never pushes me, always allows me to take the time I need to get comfortable with each new idea.

I duck my finger into the waist line of his underwear and I hear his breath hitch. "Can I?" I ask again just to make sure that he is comfortable with my explorations.

"Please." It's more of a plea then a request. I feel the boldness rise in me again and I skim my breath over his ear, causing him to moan.

"Have you ever thought about this Peeta?" I see this lips twitch but it's not a smile.

"Yes." The word is small and strangled.

"Tell me is the real thing better?"

With that question I bite my lips and let my hand cup at the bulge and I give it a slight squeeze. "Katniss." It's a hiss and his hips buck into my hand.

I had only seen this done once and it was a very uncomfortable thing for me and I was sure that it was more so for Gale, but thing like this should not be done in the woods during a hunt.

I push that thought out of my mind as I lock my fingers onto the waistband of his underwear. He lifts his hips and I slowly tug the garment.

Peeta kick them off and I find myself stareing at him. I am by no means an expert on men or their parts but Peeta seems quite...big.

I bring my lips to Peeta's ear and I give the lobe a gentle nip. "Peeta...what do I?" I don't know how to ask, or really what to ask with having to explain my only knowledge on the topic.

Peeta guides my hand to the base and wraps my fingers around it. He tells me to squeeze and when I do I hear him moan. He tells me what to do and after a few times I see his body start to tense and I notice a milky liquid coming from the top.

I shift down on the bed and bring my head to him and I sweep my tongue over the slit and I almost jump when I hear him cure.

I think back to the things the girls in school said and I decide to try something. I swirl my tongue around his head before wrapping my lips around it and sucking lightly.

His earns me a strangled moan and I feel Peeta's whole body tense up. "God Kat.." I make my mouth do what my hands did but I stop when I feel like I'm about to puke, but the sound that Peeta makes causes me to repeat my actions because I am sure that I am doing something right. I do this a few more time before I feel his hands in my hair pulling me away from him.

"Did I do something wrong?" He looks and his face softens.

"God no Katniss. That was...I just...don't want to finish like that, but that was amazing."

I smile and he pulls me up and into his arms. Are lips meet and the force of his kiss steals the breath from my lungs. "Can I...please Katniss...let me show you." He kisses me again and as we do he rolls us so that I am pinned to the bed by the weight of his body.

"Are you sure about this?" I give him a quick kiss to the lips as my mind fills with thoughts. I'm about to lose my virginity to the boy who saved my life, the boy who took a beating to feed me. My boy with the bread, my Peeta. Is he mine? Can I dare think that knowing that we both might be dead soon? I push the thought of death from my mind and focus on Peeta only.

"I'm want you Peeta." He covers my body with his and I can feel the warmth of him wrap me in what feels like fire. A fire that threaten to over take me.

I feel him slide over me and his eyes burn into me as he holds my focus. His hips rock forward and I feel him press into me and my body tenses for a moment. He doesn't move giving me time to adjust before I feel him push in a little more. This time it's Peeta how stops.

"Katniss." He says my name and is voice is filled with pain and I see a tear fall down his cheek before he buries his face in my hair."Forgive me?"

"For what?" His hands guide my legs to his waist and I wrap around him and his body once again tenses.

"I love you." With those words he pushes forward and I feel a pain rip through my body.

"I'm sorry Katniss." He says this over and over and I can hear the pain in his voice. He knew he would hurt me and I realize that even the pain of making love for the first time was more pain then he could bear to inflict on me.

"Peeta...please..." I hesitate for a moment and I realize that maybe I can love him, even if we only have a few days or weeks left. I can give him that much.

"I...love...you." he looks at me and before I can speak his lips crush into me and I feel him start to move and this time there is no pain only a feeling that makes the twist in my stomach dull.

I lock my legs around his waist and I feel Peeta push into with a force that makes my head spin. "Say it again."

I moan and he pushes in again. "I love you. I love..."

I feel a warmth like liquid fire course through every nerve in my body as Peeta and I both reach our climax together.

We stay still for a moment until I feel Peeta moves us so that he is on his back and I am wrapped in his arms and pressed into his side. He pushes a strand of hair from my face and his eyes are soft as he cups my face in his hands.

"I don't know how long we have to be together but for as long as we are alive I promise you this...I love you Katniss Everdeen."

I feel that tear sting my eyes and I try to smile. "I'm good at this...but I promise to love you for as long as live."

"We should get some lunch and start working on your dress for tonight and you know what that means?" I roll my eyes and his lips graze my ear. "My hands will be touching every inch of you."

"Peeta!" I try to sound shocked but this just makes him laugh and pull me closer.


	9. HG 9

"So Cinna said something about paint that turns into silk. How does that work?" I try to turn Peeta's focus away from my neck and back to the task of my "dress" from my interview with Cesar Flickermen.

I feel Peeta laugh against my throat as his arms tighten around my waist. "Portia explained it to me but I really don't want to go into the details. I would rather get started on turn you into "Katniss Everdeen, The Canvas of Panem."

I roll my eyes and scoff and try in vain to break free of Peeta's iron tight vice grip. "Peeta, when did you do this..." I point to the sketch on the table, next to the large black case.

"On the train. Portia started talking about fire, and feathers, and your Mockingjay pin, and the idea just kinda popped into my mind. They designed the cut of the dress, but everything else was my idea."

"Did you draw this, is this how you see me?" He snickers and I try to gab at his ribs in an effort to loosen his grip but again I seem to fail.

"No it's not...you're much more then this. I spent an hour on just your face. I didn't know the exact curves of your body then, but I could do it better now that I've felt them with my own hands."

"Well let get started on project turn Katniss into "The Canvas of Panem." We both laugh and Peeta's hand finally release their hold on my waist as he reaches around me to open the case.

The case has several tiers, each holding a color of paint in different shades. I run my fingers over these clear bottles, one with a yellow liquid and one with a red/gold liquid. "The yellow one is a top coat. After I paint a section I stray that over it and it dries in a few seconds and turns the paint into fabric. The other is to give you "The Fire Effect." that's what Portia called it anyway."

"I hope it's not like our chariot outfits. Those scared me half to death, the only thing that kept me steady was...you...holding my hand." Peeta laces his fingers into mine and gives me a squeeze.

"I was just worried that I was sweating too much and that you would get grossed out."

I wiggle out of his grip and he grabs for me but I manage to make it back to the bed. I see Peeta coming at me with a tube of some shiny white stuff and I raise an eyebrow. "What's that?"

He gives me a wide smile and I feel my stomach twist. "Oh I forgot to tell you about the primer. It's a lotion that I have to apply to any place I plan to paint so..." his words trail off and I moan at thoughts of where he's going to touch.

He stands in front of me and I watch as his fingers make quite work of the tie of my robe and I let it slide off revealing my naked body to Peeta's lust filled eyes. "So you lay down and get comfortable and i'll see how relaxed I can make you. Katniss." Again my name is a long hiss on his lips and it sends those sparks all through my body.

I arrange the pillows at the end of the bed and I lay myself down the center of the bed. I lay on my stomach and fold my arms under my chin. "Will this work for you?" I hear what almost sounds like a growl come from Peeta's throat.

"You're perfect Katniss." He kisses up my spine as he speaks. "Every...last...inch...is...just...perfect...I...love...you." When he reaches my hair he takes it and twists it and then I feel one of the hair clamps against my scalp. "They're going to let me do your hair for tonight. Portia loved what I showed her."

I snicker a little at the idea of Peeta Mellark, male Tribute from District 12, baker, painter, fashion designer, stylist. I am brought out of my thoughts when I feel Peeta's weight settle over me and his erection presses into my bottom.

"Are you comfortable Katniss?" I squeeze my cheeks together and I get a moan out of Peeta before he presses his erection harder against me. "Let's get started, sweetheart."

I feel the coldness of the lotion as he glides it across my shoulder blades. I shiver and then his hands are on my flesh and the cold lotion suddenly turns into a warm balm that relaxes every muscle that it touches.

Peeta's hands knead and rub at me and I wonder if he is this gentle with his bread making as he moves up and over my shoulders, down my arms, stopping at my wrists.

I almost moan when his fingers slide down my ribs and when he reruns the course back up I can't help but moan. "Hmm, does that feel good Katniss?" I nod my head and he laughs.

I feel myself drifting off as his hands work down my back but I am shot out of my daze when his hand make a short sharp contact with my bottom. I look over my shoulder and Peeta just smirks. "No sleeping Katniss. I want you awake."

He works down my legs and again I find myself wanting to fall asleep under the gentle kneading of his hands to my flesh.

I feel his arm come to rest across the small of my back and then my eyes shoot up when I feel his finger slide in and start to gently pump. "Peeta..." I moan and try to buck my hips but his arm holds me to the bed.

"Peeta...please." I can hear the need in my voice and when his breath brushes my ear I moan.

"I've decided that I want you for dessert. So tell me Katniss, can I make love to you?" I whimper when he pulls out but when he flips me over I am greeted by the sight of Peeta naked.

I bite my lips as he positions himself at my entrance and when he pushes in we both moan. His pace is slow, measured and I grab at the sheets. "God Peeta...you're...amazing."

I open my eyes and watch as he squirts the lotion into his hands and gives me a wicked smile. "This..." he motions to our joined bodies "is just an excuse so I can touch all of my favourite parts of you at once."

He stills his hips and begins to run his hands up my stomach until he's worked his way to my breasts. "So perfect. Just the right size for my hands." I have never thought of myself as an object of desire.

"Haymitch...called me...a dead slug." At this Peeta snickers and his trusts become hard and deep.

"I'd never do this...with a dead slug." I laugh and he gives me a cheesy grin.

I feel the coil in my stomach tighten and then release as I feel Peeta spill into me before pulling me up and into the warmth of his embrace.

"Now that you're primed and...satisfied. Let's paint a masterpiece." I watch Peeta as he walks, every inch of him naked and muscled with a slight sheen of sweat.

He brings a chair over and sets up the paints. "Lets start from the top..." he gently palms my breasts, "and work our way down." His fingers graze my center and I can't stop the moan and his fingers lightly probe. "Don't worry,sweetheart. I'm not done with you."

I look down as Peeta sweeps the brush over my skin and I'm amazed at how the globs of paint have turned into delicate feathers, but I'm starting to get frustrated.

"Peeta." I can hear the whine in my voice and I sound like a child who's about to throw a tantrum.

"I know it hard Katniss but you've been a very...good girl for me and it's almost time for a break."

20 minutes or so later Peeta tells me that I can stand. He walks me over to the mirror and twirls me around slowly.

My hands and arms are laced with delicate swirls of flames that look like sleeves. The bodice of the dress is a corset of soft orange and red feathers that are trimmed in gold at the neckline and waist.

Peeta sprays me with the setting stray and I watch as the flat paint ripples up and I run my finger over the neckline and it feels soft and silky. I still feel naked but I know that they are working on a sheer dress that will make me feel more comfortable but will still display Peeta's amazing skills.

"You look amazing. My girl on fire, wrapped in a sunset. Orange is definitely my favourite color when it's on you." I feel his arms wrapped around me and all I can do is smile.

"I want you Katniss. I want to taste you again. Can I sweetheart?" I moan when his fingers find my center. "So sweet, so ready."

He moves the pillows and lays me down so that my bottom is at the end of the bed. When I see him kneel in front of me I let my legs fall open and he guides them to his shoulders.

"I love you Katniss. Always." I feel a rush of warmth spread over my body as his tongue begins to lap and sucks. I let out a moan when his teeth nip at my clit.

I want to scream but I stop when I feel Peeta laugh into my skin before pulling away. "Now Katniss a lady should never make such sounds. It's quite rude."

I laugh at Peeta's mocking of Effie's Capitol accent, I roll my eyes and he smiles.

"I love you too Peeta." His lips return to my center and after a few minutes I feel that twist, becoming well known to me now, that signals my coming orgasm. Peeta rolls my clit between his fingers and this is my undoing. I sit up and run my fingers through his sweat dampened curls.

"You make me feel beautiful." His gaze burns into mine and I want to squirm at the firm set of his stare.

"You ARE beautiful Katniss." I swallow hard and make a mental note to never doubt Peeta when it comes to my looks.

After another few hours I stand again in front of the mirror as Peeta strays me with one last layer of top coat. "The Canvas of Panem, Peeta Mellark's finest work of art."

I hear him laugh into the skin of my neck as his hands wrap around my waist. We both jump when we hear the knock on the door.

"Come in." We both say and then laugh. Cinna steps in followed closely by Portia, both with huge smiles on their faces.

Portia comes over to me and places a gentle kiss to my cheeks. "You are beyond words, my dear. They will not soon forget this." I smile at her and she flits over to Peeta pulling him into the bathroom.

Cinna places his hands on my shoulders and kisses my forehead. "I see all went well. You look radiant, relaxed, and the glow is not an effect made by makeup."

I smile. "Thank you Cinna."

Cinna zips me into the final piece of my dress and Portia and Peeta come out of the bathroom and my mouth starts to water. Peeta is wearing a black suit and dress shirt. The lapel is a dark red and it is a striking contrast to his pale skin and blond curls.

"Wow...you're handsome." I give Peeta a coy smile as I run my hand down the dark red silk. His hand snakes around my waist and I squeal. He places a kiss to my cheek and his breath is a fire on my skin. "My beautiful girl on fire...and I lit it." I moan and he pulls me closer.

We hear a nose from behind us and turn to see Cinna with his arm around Portia's waist. "Effie hasn't shut up about the fact that we have been with you two all morning so she is demanding to see you guys. So lets go guys." Portia says with a smile that tells me that Effie is very much in the dark about all of this.

I separate from Peeta and we all head for Effie's room. "This should be interesting." I say as we knock on her door. Peeta just laughs.


	10. HG 10

"From District 12. You know her as thegirl on fire, but we know her as the lovely Katniss Everdeen." I hear Caesar's animated voice call me to the stage and I take a hesitant step and I see his hand outstretched to greet me.

I take it and I'm amazed when he holds onto my hand instead of pulling away and wiping his on his jacket. We sit and I hear him ask a question but all my mind can focus on is the fact that I am sitting in front of all of Panem covered in paint and a thin layer of something sheer.

I hear Caesar speak but my brain doesn't register his words. "What?" I say and I hear his laugh, followed by the crowds.

"Someone's a little nervous I see."

"That was quite an entrance you made at the Tribute Parade the other day. Tell us about it."

Be honest. Tell the truth. "I was just hopeing I wouldn't burn to death." I saw this and the crowd bursts out in laughs and sighs.

"When I saw you come out of those doors, my heart stopped. Tell me Katniss, where the flames real?" I let out a nervous laugh.

"Yes they where, but my dress today is amazing." I give Caesar what I hope is an alluring smile. "Do you want to know why?"

Cinna had told me that they're was a surprise to my dress, that would reveal the artist touch but I would have to spin so they could see it. I stand and start to twirl. When I do I see the flicker of flames and when I look down. I am standing in Peeta's painted silk dress but my whole body seems to glow with the embers of flames. I hear the crowd gasp and cheer.

I feel dizzy and Cesar helps me back into my seat. I feel him take my hands in his and give them a squeeze.

"One last question...about your sister. I'm sure everyone will agree that we where touched and moved when you took her place at the Reaping. Tell me did she come to say goodbye to you?"

I feel my mouth go dry and my words sound small. "Yes she did."

Caesar pats my hands and asks me what I told her and for a moment I look to Cinna and answer. "I told her that I would try to win, for her."

He kisses my hand. "And try you shall." He raises me out of the chair.

"Ladies and gentlemen Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire." The crowd cheers as I walk to my seat and sit down.

Last they call Peeta and I watch as he takes his seat and Cesar asks, "So Peeta how are you finding the Capitol and don't say with a map."

He gives a response that makes everyone laugh and I realize that he is a natural. His good natured manner wins the crowd over instantly.

"So tell me Peeta, handsome young man like yourself. Is there a special girl back home?"

I try to keep my face neutral as I wait for his answer. "No not really." Caesar presses and then I hear it.

"Well there is this girl but she didn't notice me until the Reaping."

I hear the crowd make sounds that tell me that Peeta has give them something they can relate to...unrequited love. With one sentence he has captured their minds and hearts. And my heart sinks because I know I am that girl.

I hear Caesar try to cheer him up by giving him advice and then my heart almost stops. "Because...because...she came here with me."

I feel my face turn hot and I try to hide but I know that every camera will be on me. I look up and in the monitor I see myself. Face a flushed red and an almost shocked look my face.

He's won the game by making me look like a fool. Is the only thought my mind can produce.

"Oh, that is a piece of bad luck." I can hear the edge of pain, real pain, in his voice. The crowd murmuring in agreement, a few cry out in agonized screams.

"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady. Wouldn't you love to pull her back out and get a response?" The crowd breaks out in screams of assent but Cesar says that rules are rules.

When Peeta leaves the stage the crowds roar is deafening. Peeta has absolutely wiped the rest of us off the map with his declaration of love for me. Even though I promised him my love for the short time we have left I am still angry and hurt.


	11. HG 11

The ride up to the 12th floor seems to take forever. No one talks to me or even looks at me. The elevator stops at 4 and two step out and then one gets off at 6 before the elevator comes to my floor.

When the doors open I see him standing by the window and his back is to me. I feel all of the anger and hurt well up inside of me and before I can think the words come pouring out.

"How dare you Peeta! You had no right to do that!" I see him turn and his face is a careful mask. I know that is is hurt too but I continue to let my anger out and the fact that he isn't saying or doing anything makes it worse.

"You made me look like a fool in front of the entire county! What the hell where you thinking! How could you do that to me?!"

I feel my anger die out when Peeta lifts his head and I see the stain of tears down his cheeks. He holds his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry Katniss. I wanted to...I didn't mean to...hurt you. Please. I love you and I thought you..."

"I'm not good at this Peeta. I've never been in love...never even thought about it. I've spent the last 5 years trying to keep my family alive. My dad died and my mom shit down, she spent months in this shell. Left me to take care of Prim. She's the only thing I've loved since he died. I promised I'd try to love you for all long as we have left."

He opens his arms and I feel that twist that pulls me to him and I step into the warmth and his arms wrap around me, only then do I realize that I've been crying too.

"Katniss..." his voice is soothing and feel a tingle run down my spine as flashes from this morning and afternoon come flooding back to me.

"I'm sorry if it hurt me?" He gives me a half smile and his eyes flicker with a look that sparks that flame that only Peeta seems to light in me.

Before I can react he has both of my hands pinned above my head. He holds both wrists easily in one hand. I know that I can't break his grip so I remain still.

His breath is like an inferno as it fans over my skin and when his lips reach my ear the way my name falls from his lips makes me moan, I try to buck my hips but Peeta angles his body so that I am pinned to the wall.

"You where beautiful tonight and I had to try so hard not to smile because of your little secret." I feel his finger slowly push into me and then I remember that I am in fact naked except for Portia's silk paint.

I feel a second finger slip into me and when I moan Peeta begins to pump harder. His lips claim mine in a kiss that is so forceful that I feel like I might fall.

"Oh my word!" We hear Effie's shrieks as we quickly separate. I turn around and that's when I see the shattered pieces of vase and crushed flowers. Did I do that?

"What happened here?" Effie voice holds both shock and concern.

"Katniss got a little upset and she had every right." I hang my head in shame not just because of Peeta's words but because I have also hurt Effie.

"I'm sorry Effie. It was out of line. I got mad and..." I feel Peeta's arm wrap around my waist and I sigh.

"Getting mad is one thing Katniss, but that's no reason to break things. As long as no one's hurt."

"What the hell..." I can tell by Haymitch's tone that he's drunk.

"I broke a vase." I snap at him and Effie shoots me a disapproving look.

"I don't care about that, break whatever you want, but don't yell at the boy. He did something you could never do yourself." His breath is thick with the smell of wine and liquor and it makes me want to puke.

"And what's that Haymitch?" I try to step away but he grabs my shoulders and forces me to stay put.

"He made you desirable and trust me sweetheart you need all the help you can get there. You went from a dead slug to something the talk of the town. The star crossed loves from District 12."

He loosens his grip and I step away quickly. "You managed to look nice up there...maybe ever sweet. But sweet don't get sponsors and they're what keep you alive. He gave you an edge."

Haymitch staggers off with Effie close behind. Cinna and Portia come in and Cinna wraps his arms around me. "He's right Katniss, if you're going to survive you need sponsors...and you need to remember to trust him." He kisses my forehead and steps away as Portia takes his place.

"You looked stunning tonight. I'm going to draw a special bath that will help you to relax." She looks at me and Peeta and smiles. "Enjoy tonight together."

With that they both exit to their rooms and Peeta once again wraps me into his arms. "A bath sounds like fun...what do you say Katniss?"

The purr in his voice makes me moan. "It could be fun, I guess."


	12. HG 12

Portia has a gift for turning a tub of water into something amazing. I let my fingers trail through the water that's warm and scented with jasmine and honeysuckle.

I watch as Peeta removes his silk shirt and undershirt. I see the muscles flex in his back and arms as he stretches and I can't stop my moan and I hear him chuckle.

"See something you like sweetheart?" He raises an eyebrow and I laugh.

"Help me out of this dress and I'll let you know."

He picks up a hand towel and a bottle of a clear liquid with a shimmer to it. Portia said it would dissolve the fabric and then I had to soak for a half an hour.

"Can I?" Peeta gives me a small smile and I giggle.

"Please." I try to make my voice purr but I'm never sure if it works, because I am starting to think that Peeta would be turned on by anything I say.

"Maybe Haymitch is right, maybe I am a dead slug." Peeta chuckles.

"Katniss if you paid attention more you would know that almost every boy at school in our class talks about you but..." he stops and bites his lip. "they all think...you're...with him."

"They think I'm with Gale? Has he ever said anything to make them think that?"

I watch as Peeta's expression drops. "He always calls you his catnip."

Gale is mine. I am his. Everything else is unthinkable. It use to be like that until now. Now I find myself torn between my feelings for Gale and whatever is between me and Peeta.

"Are you...his...do you lo...love him Katniss?" There is an edge of pain his voice and for some reason this kills me.

I have promised to try to love Peeta for the time we have left to live, and our love may be the thing that gets us sponsors in the games. So am I with Peeta for love or survival?

"I've never thought of Gale like that. He's my best friend, my hunting partner but..." If I'm going to survive in the arena then he has to be nothing more. "I want you. I need you Peeta."

When I speak these words I realize that they are not a lie. There is something about this boy that pulls me to him. Something about his warmth that makes me hungry for more. Maybe I can make something real out of this with the little time I have left.

Peeta sets the towel and bottle on the counter and I realize that Portia is right. Tonight is about us. This could be our last night alive together. So for tonight I will push everything and everyone from my mind.

I walk over and when Peeta turns around I plant my hands firmly on his chest and let them snake down to the waistband of his pants.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I pull down the zipper and slowly work the fabric down his legs until it pools at his feet. I wrap my fingers around him and his moan sends a spark down my spine.

"I want you. I love you. I need you." He stills my hand and leads me to the bath. He settles in and opens his arms to me.

I settle into him and when his arms wrap around me I realize that I feel safe and at ease in his arms. I let my head fall back into his shoulder and I giggle when I feel his lips on my forehead.

We sit in silence for a time and I sigh. The warmth of the water relaxes my muscles and the smell reminds me of summer days spent at the lake spot with my father.

I find that being in Peeta's arms like this calms me in a way that reminds me of the way I felt when I was in my father's arms.

"Katniss sing it for me...The Valley Song." I smile and a small laugh escapes my lips.

Roses love sunshine, violets love dew

Angels in Heaven know I love you

If you don't love me, love who you please

Angels in Heaven know I love you

Wrap your arms around me

Give my heart ease

I let the words die as I feel Peeta's hands slide down my stomach. "I love you Katniss. I've only ever loved you. This is real for me and I want it..."

I silence his words with two fingers to his lips. "I' m not good with words, not like you are but I promise you that this is real for me...and for as long as we live I promise it's real. I love you Peeta." He kisses my fingers and pulls them from his lips and places them over his heart.

We reach the door to my room and Peeta wraps me into his arms and kisses me with a force that makes me suddenly dizzy. I reach behind me and fumble with the doors handle.

We make it inside and Peeta locks it before leading me toward the bed. I feel the twist and I know that this might be as close to love as I will get.

Peeta is the only one who has inspired this kind of feeling in me. I think of Gale for a moment. He is a fire in his own right. Strong and hot, kindled by a hatred for the Capitol. Peeta has his fire too, but it's more like the fire of an over. It's a gentle flame, dedicated and strong. I know that he loves me and I think back to something Haymitch said. "You can do a lot worse sweetheart."

I feel myself pulled against the fire as arms wrap around my waist and my back is pressed into a firm wall of flesh. I feel his breath on my skin and I sigh. "Come back to me Katniss."

I try to turn in his arms and I am shocked when his grip loosens, allowing me to face him. I look into the deep blue of his eyes. I raise up so that my lips meet his and my arms wrap around his neck.

I brush my lips over his and I try to sound seductive. "Make love to me Peeta." His lips crush to mine and his hands lock to my hips and I can feel him and I moan in our joined mouths.

"I love you Katniss Everdeen." My heart twists at the emotions those words invoke in me and even though I don't have words for some of them, this look reminds me of the way my father looked at my mother.

"I love you Peeta Mellark." I smile and in that moment both the smile and the words bring a happiness to me that makes me hate the fact that it will soon come to an end.


	13. HG 13

His fingers slowly untie the knot of my robe and that's when I notice that Peeta's hands are shaking.

I know they don't shake from nerves, because this is not the first time we've made love and I wonder if it's because he fears that by this time tomorrow one or both of us could be dead.

When the tie falls to the ground I wrap my fingers around his wrists and still the movement of his hands. He looks up at me and his eyes are filled with a sadness that makes my heart almost stop.

"Peeta..." his name falls from my lips and I can hear that the shake in my own self.

I feel hurt, desperation, and anger. Anger not directed toward the boy kneeling at my feet but for those who have forced us to play their games.

I look at him and wonder if things could have been different for us...if Prim's name had not been called at the Reaping.

What if he had confessed his love for me, won the games and come back to District 12, a victor. Would winning give him the strength to talk to me? Would we have had a long happy life together? Gotten married and maybe even had a family of our own?

I push down the anger that threatens to destroy this night. I cup his face in my hands and my eyes lock with his, steel gray to crystal blue, and for the first time in my life I try to see a child...my child, our child.

He stands and I throw my arms around his neck and I feel the tears that threaten to fall but I steady myself and take a deep breath.

Then his hands are there, at the small of my back, pressing me into his warmth. Then his lips, gentle as a feather. They ghost up my neck and I feel the twisting and I know that if this is to be my last night then I want to spend it in his arms.

"Stay with me Peeta." My words are a broken plea and I am pulled closer to the flames as I feel the heat of his breath on my skin, he speaks one word.

"Always."

The kiss is gentle and calming. His lips move against mine and his tongue slides across my bottom lip. I open my mouth and our tongue begin a slow dance.

This is who Peeta is...calming and gentle. A shy boy who believes in things like love at first sight. A boy who took a beating in order to feed me. I remember the dandelion, how their bright yellow color gave me hope.

I settle into the bed and I watch as Peeta's eyes skim over my body. If it was anyone else I would feel exposed but under Peeta's gaze I feel like some work of art.

It was his hands that turned me into the talk of the town, his words that declared love for me that may be the key to our sponsorship in the arena. But tonight it's his body that brings me comfort.

I watch as he removes the dark blue cotton sleep pants and I can't help but take in every inch of him as he crawls into the bed next to me.

He props himself up on one arm and the fingers of his free hands begin to trail along my skin, lighting a fire as they go.

His thumb flicks over my nipple, drawing slow tiny circles that cause me to moan. He snickers and his lips begin to suckle and nip and I arch my back and fist my hand into his hair in an effort to hold him to me.

I release him and he repeats the task on the other. I moan and call out his name and he answers by whispering mine against my skin and I feel the heat rush to my center.

"Katniss, I want to taste you. Can I...please?" I smile, my Peeta...always the gentlemen. That thought echos in my head...my Peeta. He is mine. I have promised to be his. This is all I have left in the word.

I feel him drape my legs over his shoulders and I feel his breath, warm against my skin. "You're so beautiful Katniss. So beautiful." His tongue laps, sucks and probes. Gentle but demanding, swirling and nipping and driving me to the edge of a cliff but not letting me fall.

He kisses up my center, working his way toward my lips and I accept. The kiss is again a slow and sweet dance made bitter by the stain of tears.

I wrap my arms and legs around him and simply press him into me, trying in vain to steady his racing heart. He looks at me with those eyes, eyes take hold love and sadness, and I feel the anger well in me.

I need fire and I need passion. I want that other side of him. The side that make me want to scream, the side that gives 'The Girl on Fire' her flame.

"Peeta." I brag his name out in a hiss and let my nails rake down his back and that when I hear it, the growling moan that tells me that I've lit the fuse.

He runs his fingers across my shoulders and down my arms, when he reaches my wrists his fingers wrap around and guild my arms up and over my head.

He shifts so that both of my wrists are held tightly in one of his hands. I try to buck my hips but he just give me a devilish grin and pins me to the bed with the weight of his body.

I feel his hardness and my center and I know that he's waiting for me to make a move. "I love you." With those words he trusts into me withe his full force and I can't stop the strangled sound that comes from my throat.

He release my hands and cover my mouth. "Shh you don't want Haymitch or Effie to come in and find us like this." I nod my head and Peeta moves his hand and replaces it with his lips.

"More...Peeta." I beg and he answers by hiking my legs up higher, causing him to push deeper into me with each thrust. I lock my fingers into the pillow as Peeta's trusts become more focused and I feel the twist in my stomach become a painful mass.

I bite my lips and with one more sharp thrust I feel Peeta spill into me and he rolls so as not to crush me under his weight. I curl myself into his side and let my head rest in the crook of his neck. His arms wrap around me and I let out a content sigh.

"Stay with me?" I ask as I feel sleep threaten to overtake me. I close my eyes and I feel Peeta's lips against my forehead.

"Always." With that we both surrender to sleep, wrapped in each other's warmth.


	14. HG 14

I wake and find that the bed is empty. I run my fingers along the space and find that it's still somewhat warm. I feel a stab of something come over me.

I tie my robe as I walk down the hall and notice that the door to the roof is not open, but ajar and I wonder if Peeta decided that he needed some air.

I see an silhouette in the darkness, but I know that it's Peeta. I slip up silently behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his back.

"I woke up and you where gone. I got..." I feel his body relax and his hands cover mine.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I didn't mean to scare you."

He release my hands and he turns and wraps me into the warmth of his arms. "The party's for us you know?" I can hear the disdain in his voice . Below us people sing and dance. Music mixes with car horns. "Like it's some to celebrate."

I feel his lips on my forehead as his arms wrap tighter around me. "I hate them. They're talking everything from me. Everything I love is right here..." I stand on tip toes and press my lips to his. The kiss is sweet and tender but I can taste the salt of his tears. "I love you too Peeta."

I rest my head into the crook of his neck and I sigh, because my body seems to fit so perfectly against his and I realize that in a way I hate the Capitol too.

"I don't want them to change me. I want to die as myself. If that makes any sense?" I shake my head but I don't see how he could die as anyone but himself. "I don't want them to turn me into some kind of monster."

I nod my head but it's me who feels like monster. I have been worrying about whether there will be trees or of I might be able to fashion a bow and arrow and Peeta has been worrying about losing himself. "So are you saying you won't kill?"

"No Katniss, I'm sure when the time comes I will, I don't go down without a fight. It's just not fair. I finally have you, in my arms...I've finally tasted happiness. I just wish there was a way...some way...to show the Capitol that they don't own us. That we're not pawns in their game."

I realize again that Peeta's has his own fire but it is not fueled by the same kind of hatred and rage that drives Gale. I wish that this all could be different.

Images flash through my head. Peeta and I back home in District 12. I hunt and he bakes. We spend our nights wrapped in each others arms. We have a toasting. And finally I see it clearly...bright blue eyes looking at me, her delicate face framed in dark curls, Peeta's lips and my jaw.

I feel the tears sting my eyes and I realize that I must at least fight to show the that they do not own us. Maybe we can change the tide. I feel the twist and I know the only thing that will ease it.

"Peeta." I let my lips hover over his ear and I smile when his arms lock around me, pressing me into him.

"You love me?" I hear his moan and feel him press into me. "They don't own us tonight."

With that his lips crush to mine and the kiss is hot enough to burn us alive where we stand. I taste the hate, the anger, the desperation, but they crushing blow is the lingering sadness. "I need you Peeta."

We spend the night wrapped in each others arms after me made love several times. In the morning we are greeted by Cinna and Portia. Peeta and I kiss and before she leaves Portia gives me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

After a pleasant sounding woman comes and put a tracker into my arm Cinna walks me to the Launch Room to prepare for the games.

Cinna has no say in the outfit that I will wear and does not know what is in the garment box but he helps me into the outfit, simple tawny pants, light green blouse, sturdy brown belt, and a thin hooded jacket that falls to my thighs. The boots better then I'd hoped for. Soft leather with a flexible rubber sole with tread.

Cinna takes the gold mockingjay pin from his pocket and pins it to my shirt. "It barely cleared the review board, but in the end they let it through."

"Do you want to talk about anything?" I shake my head and after a moment he opens his arms and I step into his embrace. He wraps his arms around me and we stay like this until my name is called and I step onto the metal plate.

"Remember what Haymitch said. Run. Find water. The rest will come natural." I nod and he smiles. "And Katniss. I not allowed to bet, but if I could, my money would be on you."

I smile and whisper, "Truly?"

"Truly." Cinna says. He kisses me on the forehead. "Good luck, my Girl on Fire." He steps off as the tube comes down and we are cut off. I watch as his fingers tap his chin. Head high. The tube begins to rise and for a moment I'm in darkness.

For a moment I am blinded by the bright light and I feel the strong wind and on it the smell of pine, the promise of trees. The the voice announces.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!"


	15. HG 15

I pick my tree carefully. A willow, not terribly tall but set in a clump of other willows, offering concealment in those long, flowing tresses. I climb up, sticking to the stronger branches close to the trunk, and find a sturdy fork for my bed.

It takes some doing, but I arrange the sleeping bag in a relatively comfortable manner. I place my backpack in the foot of the bag, then slide in after it. As a precaution, I remove my belt, loop it all the way around the branch and my sleeping bag, and refasten it at my waist. Now if I roll over in my sleep, I won't go crashing to the ground.

I'm small enough to tuck the top of the bag over my head, but I put on my hood as well. As night falls, the air is cooling quickly. Despite the risk I took in getting the backpack, I know now it was the right choice. This sleeping bag, radiating back and preserving my body heat, will be invaluable.

I'm sure there are several other tributes whose biggest concern right now is how to stay warm whereas I may actually be able to get a few hours of sleep. If only I wasn't so thirsty...

I watch as the Capitol seal appears in the night sky. I know that 11 have died today and my heart twist in pain to think that Peeta might be among those.

I know the Peeta gave us an edge by announcing to all of Panem that he was in love with me. Haymitch said that everyone was talking about the "star crossed lovers" from District 12, that by doing this Peeta gave us, mostly me, an edge that we didn't previously have.

I wonder if Haymitch knows about Peeta and I sleeping together, if he does he has surprisingly kept his mouth shut. Then it dawns on me that maybe he hasn't. He maybe be using it as a tool to get us better sponsors.

This whole thing is almost more then I can deal with. I was already confused after the Reaping after my visit from Gale. He had said something as they where forcing him out of the room, "Remember I..."

That was all I have heard and I didn't know what he would want me to remember. Then I think back to what I was running through my mind the morning of the Reaping. Gale is mine. I am his.

Was he trying to tell me that he loved me? Does he think of me as more than just a best friend and hunting partner? Do I...could I...think of him as anything more?

I have seen what love can do, how it can effect someone and it has never been something I desired and I think my mother is to blame for this. She loved my father so much that she shut down after his death.

I remember hearing the alarm bells going off at school that day. I rushed from the class and made my way to Prim's class, and there she was so tiny and scared. I took her into my arms and whispered promises that everything would be fine and Mom would be here soon to get us.

But she never came. It was me who carried Prim to the site and that when I saw her standing there waiting to see if our father was alive. She cared more for him then us. Her complete shutdown after his death proved this. That was the day I decided that I had no use for that kind of love.

My relationship with Gale was born out of the mutual need we both had to provide for our families. It took me close to six months just to be truly comfortable enough around him to start opening up and even then I never let anything go to deep.

Gale has never tried to kiss me or make any other form of an advance on me, but I have never seen him with any other girl but that doesn't mean that he hasn't.

My mind, and my stomach, brings me back to Peeta and what happened between us in the last few days. I found myself drawn to him. The boy who look a beating to do something for me.

I didn't know until now that he had such strong feelings for me. I can't imagine what I must have looked like that day. Cold, soaked to the bone, wrapped into my father's hunting jacket. I must have looked just a step away from death.

Maybe it was pity that made him do it, but I am almost certain that he did it because that is just who Peeta is...warm and kind and gentle. Cinna asked me to trust him, to open up to him, and that's what I did. The last few days with Peeta have been amazing but they are not real. This is the Hunger Games, 24 Tributes go in and only one can be crowned Victor.

I promised Peeta I would love him for as long as we have left. This was an easy promise to make because I am sure that the victor of this game will not be from 12. A few days is easy to give when you know that death waits you. At least I gave Peeta some happiness before we met our ends. If I am honest with myself Peeta also gave me happiness.

The first to appear is the girl from District 3. That means that the Career Tributes from 1 and 2 have all survived. No surprise there. Then the boy from 4. I didn't expect that one, usually all the Careers make it through the first day.

The boy from District 5 . . . I guess the fox-faced girl made it. Both tributes from 6 and 7. The boy from 8. Both from 9. Yes, there's the boy who I fought for the backpack. I've run through my fingers, only one more dead tribute to go. Is it Peeta?

No, there's the girl from District 10. That's it. The Capitol seal is back with a final musical flourish. Then darkness and the sounds of the forest resume.

I release the breath I was not aware I was holding as I realized that Peeta is still alive. He too has made it through the first day. This should bring me comfort but it doesn't. Him still being alive means that there is still the chance that we will come face to face and that I'll have to kill him.

I wake to the sound of snapping, not the snapping of foot falls but of branches being broken from trees and the a few moments later bloom a fire is lit, sending up smoke high into the air.

I have to bite my lip not to scream every foul name I know at the fire starter. What are they thinking? A fire just at nightfall would have been one thing. Those who battled at the Cornucopia, with their superior strength and surplus of supplies, they couldn't possibly have been near enough to spot the flames then.

But now, when they've probably been combing the woods for hours looking for victims. You might as well be waving a big flag and saying, "Here I am come kill me!"

And here I am strapped to a tree near the biggest idiot in the Games and I have no plans to reveal my location now. It's still dark enough that I should be concealed but in a few hours my black sleeping bag will no longer be camouflage.

I lay smoldering in my bag for the next couple of hours really thinking that if I can get out of this tree, I won't have the least problem taking out my new neighbour. My instinct has been to flee, not fight. But obviously this person's a hazard. Stupid people are dangerous. And this one probably doesn't have much in the way of weapons while I've got this excellent knife.

The sky is still dark, but I can feel the first signs of dawn approaching. I'm beginning to think we, meaning the person whose death I'm now devising and me, we might actually have gone unnoticed. Then I hear it. Several pairs of feet breaking into a run. The fire starter must have dozed off. They're on her before she can escape.

I know it's a girl now, I can tell by the pleading, the agonized scream that follows. Then there's laughter and congratulations from several voices. Someone cries out, "Twelve down and eleven to go!" which gets a round of hoots.

So they're fighting in a pack, this does not surprise me. The Careers stop in the clearing about ten yards from my tree. They have flashlights, torches. I can see an arm here, a boot there, through the breaks in the branches.

I turn to stone, not even daring to breathe. Have they spotted me? No, not yet. I can tell from their words their minds are elsewhere.

"Shouldn't we have heard a cannon by now?"

"I'd say yes. Nothing to prevent them from going in immediately."

"Unless she isn't dead."

"She's dead. I stuck her myself."

"Then where's the cannon?"

"Someone should go back. Make sure the job's done."

"Yeah, we don't want to have to track her down twice."

"I said she's dead."

They start to fight between themselves until one Tribute breaks it up. "We're wasting time! I'll go finish her and let's move on!" I almost fall out of the tree. The voice belongs to Peeta.

Peeta teaming up with the Capitol lapdog Careers? No one in District 12 would never dream of doing something like that. I feel a twist in my stomach but it's not from pleasure. I feel hurt, anger, but the real twist is a stab of betrayal.

Gone is the noble boy on the roof who didn't want to lose himself. It make me wonder if everything he told me, everything we shared in those nights before the Games was just a part of his plan to win.

Once he's out of sight they start to talk in hushed voices about whether to kill him or let him live. Then I hear one of the girls speak. "Let him live it's our only chance to find her. I just wish Lover Boy would say how she got that 11. He has to know."

My mind races and I now know that they are using him to get to me. But is he doing the same thing? Is he using the Careers to find me? They said he was good with a knife and the one girl has a bow and arrows. So is Peeta trying to find me thinking that we could take them out together.

I don't know what his plan is but I feel the knot in my stomach ease as I convince myself that Peeta may still that noble, good natured boy who loves me.

I pull myself together and remove myself from the tree and pack up my stuff. I need to find some kind of food soon. Maybe if I can catch a rabbit I can show the sponsors that I have skills. If Haymitch is sober enough to be working to get us any.


	16. HG 16

I almost faint at the sight of my calf. The flesh is a brilliant red covered with blisters. I force myself to take deep, slow breaths, feeling quite certain the cameras are on my face. I can't show weakness at this injury. Not if I want help. Pity does not get you aid. Admiration at your refusal to give in does.

I cut the remains of the pant leg off at the knee and examine the injury more closely. The burned area is about the size of my hand. None of the skin is blackened. I think it's not too bad to soak. Gingerly I stretch out my leg into the pool, propping the heel of my boot on a rock so the leather doesn't get too sodden, and sigh, because this does offer some relief.

I know there are herbs, if I could find them, that would speed the healing, but I can't quite call them to mind. Despite the pain, drowsiness begins to take over. I'd take to a tree and try to rest, except I'd be too easy to spot.

Besides, abandoning my pool seems impossible. I neatly arrange my supplies, even settle my pack on my shoulders, but I can't seem to leave. I spot some water plants with edible roots and make a small meal with my last piece of rabbit. Sip water.

Watch the sun make its slow arc across the sky. Where would I go anyway that is any safer than here? I lean back on my pack, overcome by drowsiness. If the Careers want me, let them find me, I think before drifting into a stupor. Let them find me. And come they do.

I'm fast, though even with the burns to my hands I manage to climb, and by the time they've reached the base of my trunk, I'm twenty feet up. For a moment, we stop and survey one another. I hope they can't hear the pounding of my heart.

My heart rate slows and I smile, knowing that the viewers will eat this up. "How's it going down there?" I say cheerfully and I can almost hear Haymitch saying. "That's what they want sweetheart."

For a moment they seem almost thrown off. "I'm doing quite well. And yourself?"

The boy from District 2 says. I know it will hurt but I fan my face with my hand. "It's been a bit warm for my tastes." I can almost hear them laughing in the Capitol. "The airs better up here you should join me."

I see a deadly smile come to his face. "I think I will." He says and give me a wink. Oh yes there loving this. He tries to climb but has no luck.

Well, he's right about one thing. I'm going nowhere. All the relief from the pool water has gone, leaving me to feel the full potency of my burns. I scoot down to a fork in the tree and clumsily prepare for bed. Put on my jacket. Lay out my sleeping bed. Belt myself in and try to keep from moaning.

The heat of the bag's too much for me. I cut a slit in the fabric of the bag and let my leg hang out. I try to settle in and sleep and just when I'm getting comfortable I feel tiny taps to my leg. "Katniss...Katniss."

I turn and see Peeta standing there with what I assume is a handful of small rocks. "What!" My voice sounds too harsh but I'm still hurt and angry.

"Please talk to me. I have a present for you." My ear perk up and I turn to face him. "Let me explain. I lo..."

I cut him off before he can finish. "Fine I'll come down."

When I reach the bottom of the tree, he's there standing closer to me then I really want him to be. He trys to touch me and I recoil, Peeta holds his hands up in surrender. "Please just come with me and let's talk."

I look at him with disbelief. "You want me to what? Do you think I'm crazy?"

Peeta points to a clearing of trees about 40 feet from where the Careers sleep. I start to walk and at the first whence Peeta's supporting me, I want to protest but I don't.

When we reach the clearing Peeta helps me to sit. He sits in front of me and I try not to curse him out and give him the chance to explain.

"Katniss I'm sorry please give me a chance to..." he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I shiver as his skin contacts with his.

I watch as his face drops and his expression becomes downcast. "I know it looks bad, me teaming up with the Careers but I knew that it might be my only chance to find you. I know I hurt you...I want to try to...I can see it in..."

His voice drops off and he hangs his head. I reach out and touch two fingers to his chin and raise it up so that he has to look at me. "How can you tell?" I drop my hand but it's too late, Peeta grabs my wrist and brings it closer.

"It's your eyes. Your not good at it...they give you away too easy. How did it happen?" He doesn't let go but bring my hand to his lips and places a feather light kiss to my palm, I want to recoil but I also know that I've missed his lips...I've missed him.

"The fire balls...It's not as bad as it looks really...it's just...not as bad as." I see him smile and once again he's my Peeta, my sweet boy with the bread.

"Katniss I lo..."

I say his name in hopes of stopping him. "No I love you Katniss. I won't change that, nothing changes that. You can hate me if you want to but that doesn't change me. It will break me but I won't stop loving you."

I lean forward and press my lips to his. It takes a moment for the shock to fade but when it does his lips start to move against mine and when his tongue glides across my lips I let him deepen the kiss.

We pull apart for air and he smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. "It hurt a lot when I saw you with them. When you killed that girl. When I thought you where coming after me." I feel tears but I hold them back, "I lo...love you too Peeta."

I feel him kiss way the tears before they can fall. When he pulls away I raise an eye brow and give him, what I hope, is a playful smile. "So where's my present?"

He chuckles and goes to stand. "I hope you like it." He walks over to a tree and I gasp when he produces the silver bow and sheath of arrows.

"How did you get this?" He sets them down and sits behind me. When his arm wrap around me I don't protest, I just nestle into the warmth of his chest.

"I stool them a few minutes after Glimmer fell asleep." I roll my eyes, God the people in District 1 give there kids some stupid names.

"Thanks. I'm sorry I didn't trust you." He gives me a gentle squeeze and I feel his hot breath on my cheeks.

"No forgive me for hurting you. God Katniss...I've missed your body." I feel his hand slide down my stomach and make quick work of the button and zipper of my pants before they dip into the waist band of my pants. "I've missed your warmth."

I bite my lips as his fingers begin to lightly probe. "Peeta...please." with that he pushes his middle finger in and his forefinger quickly follows. As his fingers work in and out I close my eyes and let my head rest on his shoulders as my hips buck.

"You're so beautiful. I've missed your warmth next to me at night. I tried to get you to follow me but I couldn't get your attention before the gong. I would never hurt you, I'm sorry for the pain but..." I hear him almost growl into my ear, a low guttural sound that rips through me. "God Katniss you feel so warm. Let go so I can taste you."

With those words the coil release and Peeta's fingers continue to pump until the last spasms die out and my body stills. He brings his fingers to his lips and runs his tongue over them before drawing them into his mouth. He moans and his eyes fall closed. "You're sweeter then icing Katniss."

I turn to face him and when his lips part and kiss him hard and strong, letting my tongue swirl and he's right, but maybe that sweetness is Peeta not me but I will let him have his thoughts.

"Sleep Katniss. I'll keep you safe." I settle into his chest, letting my legs stretch out and that's when I hear a sound that makes my eyes fly open as I scan the trees around us and that when I see them, a pair of eyes...they are not animal they are human. I would know those glossy eyes anywhere. Then the name falls from my lips.

"Rue."


	17. HG 17

I walk toward the tree and that's when I see it coming down. The parachute with its little silver tin falls at my feet. I pick it up and open it. A small slip of paper reads 'Good show sweetheart. H' I roll my almost gag at the thought that Haymitch just saw that. Oh God that means...no I push all other thoughts from my mind.

When I open the tin I find a small tub. Burn cream. "Oh Haymitch." I say to myself then turn my head toward the sky knowing that the camera will be on me. "Thank you." I mouth and I hope Haymitch knows this is for him but I also hope the sponsors think it's for for them.

Then it hits me, we have sponsors. Peeta joining the Careers so he could find me to protect me, our shared declaration of love, our passionate coming together. We have sealed the 'Star Crossed Lovers from District 12' angle and given Haymitch everything he needs to get us sponsors.

I open it and quickly rub it into both hands and the my leg. The relief is almost instant and again I am in Heaven.

I look up and standing at the base of the tree is Rue. Tiny like some kind of exotic bird. I go to her and bend down.

"Hey you. Glad to see you." She smiles and stands to her tip toes so her mouth is near my ear.

"You missed them. In the tree. There sleeping under them." She points to the Careers and I ask her what she means and her answer is two words. Tracker Jackers.

Of course we're in the Hunger Games, so they wouldn't be your everyday wasps. Tracker Jackers are one of the Capitol's muttations. Spawned in their labs and placed through the Districts like land mines.

They are larger then normal wasps, with solid gold bodies and stickers that cause plum sized welts. Most people can only stand a few stings, while some die almost instantly if stung to many times at once.

The catch is they won't stop. They will hunt down anyone who disturb them. This is the Tracker part. If you survive the stings, they are followed by hallucinations that cause lucid nightmares that often drive people insane.

I try to decide if I can make to back to the tree and the nest in time, the anthem will come soon and that will be the only cover for the sound.

I point to Peeta, asleep against the tree next to the pack. I tell her to go wake him and tell him my plan and I tell her I will try to get back to them.

I slip up the tree and draw my knife, they seem to still be dazed from the smoke but they are still Tracker Jackers and I want to cut them loose and run while I can.

The anthem begins and I saw away at the limb and by the time it's over I've gotten 3/4 of the way to freeing the branch. There are no deaths tonight buy I'm sure that the fire fight and me and Peeta's romantic moments are enough to stave off their bloodlust.

The closing anthem plays and I saw through remainder of the branch and as I work my way down the tree the nest crashes down through the lower branches, snagging temporarily on a few but then twisting free until it smashes with a thud on the ground.

The nest bursts open like an egg, and a furious swarm of tracker jackers takes to the air. That's when I feel it, the first sting hits my neck and as I reach the bottom of the tree I feel the second to my knee and the third to my cheek.

As I run for the clearing I try to pull the sparkling stingers from my body. size. A foul-smelling green liquid oozes from the places where I pulled out the stingers. The swelling. The pain. The ooze. It's a lot to handle before the sun has even cleared the horizon.

I run toward the clearing and that's when i see him, running to me covered in a million tiny stones that sparkle in the light. He's come to save me. When I reach him I am flung into the air and over his body.

A moment later his hands are one me, on my face and my neck and then it becomes clear to me when the pain hits that he is trying to kill me. I try to scream but his hands lock over my face and around my neck. I feel the break as my leg is snapped and broken. He doesn't want me to be able to run.

Then his words begin. "I hate you Katniss. You're a liar. Your nothing to me. Just died already." So I close my eyes and surrender to he demand for my death.

I enter a nightmare from which I wake repeatedly only to find a greater terror awaiting me. All the things I dread most, all the things I dread for others manifest in such vivid detail I can't help but believe they're real.

Each time I wake, I think, At last, this is over, but it isn't. It's only the beginning of a new chapter of torture. How many ways do I watch Prim die? Relive my father's last moments? Feel my own body ripped apart? This is the nature of the Tracker Jacker venom, so carefully created to target the place where fear lives in your brain.

I wake and lay there waiting for the images to continue and when they don't I am sure that the venom is gone from my system and I have survived. Then I notice the arms locked securely around my waist.

I feel the warmth of the body behind me and even his the dirt and grim I swear I can smell cinnamon and dill and those smells belong to Peeta. Peeta! My mind panics for a moment fighting off the flashes of shiny images. I am alive so he did not in fact kill me.

I call his name and feel his stir behind me. He loosens his arms and I turn to face him.

"Hey." He says and give me a smile. His crystal blue eyes are red and puffy. He's been crying.

"Hey." I say and my voice feels raw.

He pulls us up and that's when I see her curled into the sleeping bag.

"Rue." I open my mouth but my throat won't push the sound out. Peeta hand me a bottle and tells me to drink. I take a sip and realize that it's not all water. It has a sweetness to it and then it hits me, honeysuckle. I try to open my mouth bit his fingers press at my lips.

"Don't speak, just rest. " he kisses my forehead and I mouth the words. I love you.

"I love you too Katniss." He goes to stand up but I grab his arm. Stay with me, I mouth. His smile makes his eyes shine. He sits behind me and wraps me in his arms and his breath fans my face. "Always."

We wait and hour and then Peeta wakes Rue and pack up the supplies. He picks me up and I try to protest.

"There is a stream close by once you wash the mess from your skin then I'll let you walk. Deal?"

I want to slap away his hands and tell him I can do it myself but in the end I decide to just let him take me. He lifts me into his arms and I wrap mine around his neck and kiss his cheek.

We reach the water and he helps me remove my clothes and as I enter the water in just my underwear. I feel my muscles relax and once they do I try to wash away the dirt, mud, blood and dead skin. I do not see how he could have said i was beautiful with all this caked to me.

I get out of the water and while I wait for the clothes to dry some, the heat is so server that I can wear them damp and they will try quickly, Peeta braids my hair and kisses the side of my neck that the Tracker did not bite.

I dress and Peeta hands me my bow and arrows while he takes the pack. I look around and when I seem confused me say that she went to scout for something.

I walk a bit and then I hear movement from the trees. I draw my bow and load an arrow and there she is. She pops out and I lower my bow and return it to its sheath.

"Hey little bird." I give her a smile and he returns it.

"I can help the stings." I ask her how and he reaches into her packet and pulls out a large handful of leaves, I'm sure that they are the ones my mother uses.

"Where'd you find those?" I ask and she smiles.

"Just around. We all carry them when we work in the orchards. They left a lot of nests there," says Rue. "There are a lot here, too." I shake my head and remember something about her.

"That's right. You're District Eleven. Agriculture,"

"Orchards, huh? That must be how you can fly around the trees like you've got wings." Rue smiles. I've landed on one of the few things she'll admit pride in. "Well, come on, then. Fix me up."

To my surprise, Rue places the handful of leaves into her mouth and begins to chew them. My mother would use other methods, but it's not like we have a lot of options. After a minute or so, Rue presses a gloppy green wad of chewed leaves and spit on my knee.

I can't help the sound that comes from my lips as the mass of chewed leaves and spit seem to be leaching the pain from my knee. "Do my neck! Do my cheek!" I almost in Heaven as the pain leaks from my body.

I notice the burn on her arm and I know that I can repay her. I point over to where Peeta sits.

"Go stay with him and he'll give you something that will take care of your burns." She shakes her head.

"You have good sponsors." I ask if she has gotten anything and she says no.

"You will, though. Watch. The closer we get to the end, the more people will realize how clever you are. Now go with Peeta and I'll see what I can hurt for us. Ok?"

I kiss her forehead, just like I do to Prim, and watch as she flits over to Peeta. I enter the woods and draw my bow.

I am sure that Haymitch is shaking his head, maybe even pouring a drink, because we have decided to take this wispy little girl on as an ally but I don't care. I want her and it seems Peeta does too. And I will let myself admit that she reminds me of Prim.

I return a short time later to the edge of the woods and when I make clear them I see Peeta and Rue and my heart twists.

There they sit, Peeta is talking about something that makes him happy...baking, or his cakes and cookies, or maybe me. I smile at the site and it makes a pain rise up in my stomach.

His arm is draped protectively around her body and she is nested against him with her small head resting on his chest. His free hand draws gentle designs on the back of hers. She giggles and he smiles.

And my heart aches, he is made for this and the Games might take this from him. His kind heart, his gentle good nature, his huge heart so open to the idea of love. He would make an amazing father if he makes it out...if we could make it out I would be crazy not to give him a child.

I push the thoughts back and make my way toward them. "Look what I found little bird." She looks up and smiles.

"Wow." She takes a careful look at one of the birds.

"You where right Peeta, she is good." I blush when I realize he had been talking about me.

We clean the birds who once plucked are no bigger then chickens. Rue contributes a big handful of some sort of starchy root to the meal. Roasted over the fire, they have the sharp sweet taste of a parsnip. She recognizes the bird, too, some wild thing they call a groosling in her district.

She says sometimes a flock will wander into the orchard and they get a decent lunch that day. For a while, all conversation stops as we fill our stomachs. The groosling has delicious meat that's so fatty, the grease drips down your face when you bite into it.

Rue breaks the silence, "Wow. I've never had a whole leg to myself."

Peeta and I look at each other. We are both use to some regular flow of meat, thanks to my hunting. "Take the other." We both say at almost the same time.

"Really?" She says amazed. I point to my bow.

"Really, take as much as you want. Now that I have that we will always have meat." Peeta's arm snakes around my waist and he kisses my good cheek.

"You're going to be an amazing mother someday Katniss." My heart aches and I reslove that if it's possible I will get us both out alive.


	18. HG 18

I can tell that nothing has been touched here. I scan the trees and see no signs that she has been there.

"She's not here Peeta. I'm worried." His arms wrap around me from behind and I let my hands cover his.

"She's smart Katniss and being careful about how she makes it back. We'll find her, I promise."

We move to the edge of the woods, keeping the camp site in view but moving ourselves out of open. I see the streaks of red in my hair and decided to clean up while I can. I unbraid my hair and that's when I feel Peeta's hands in my hair.

"I'll take care of it for you, because of your ear I mean." I roll my eyes and almost laugh.

"You'll come up with an excuse to touch me Lover Boy." I use the nickname the Careers gave him and he wraps an arm around my waist and his breath in my good ear sends a chill through my body.

"We're suppose to be madly in love Katniss, so I don't need an excuse to do anything to you." Again I roll my eyes.

"You'd have to be mad to be in love with me." I mean this to be sarcastic but I feel a ring of truth to my words. Peeta's been madly in love with me since we where in Kindergarten.

He takes my face in his hands and forces me to look in those eyes of his. I try to focus on their color and not the emotions I see in them, emotions I never had a use for until they became the means for my survival. They remind me of the sky in winter, clear and icy. On the outside there is an almost midnight blue trim.

"Look at me Katniss Everdeen. You are amazing. You provide for a lot of people back home, not just your family. You make people smile and you don't even know about it. I love you even though you're hardheaded and stubborn."

"You really don't know the effect you have." He puts my hand over his heart and I feel the racing beat. I don't know what to say so I just lean into him and press my lips to his. He locks his arms around me and I feel that hunger overtake me.

I pull away from his lips but stay in his arms. "I not good with...love but you...I need." I feel my cheeks warm and I try to hide it but I know he sees. Our stomachs growl and I say something about moving on and hunting as we go. I scatter some mint leaves on the fire knowing it will mean nothing to anyone but Rue.

After an hour we make it to the site of what was suppose to be the third fire.

"She's not here Peeta. Something is not right, something scared her or maybe even got her."

I take in the fire, the wood arranged expertly, interlaced with tinder but never lit. This is when I know for sure that something has gone very wrong. I look up at Peeta and his eyes reflect my concern. "We have to find her Peeta."

She could have lost her way. Run into a pack of predators or another tribute, like Thresh, and had to hide. Whatever happened, I'm almost certain she's stuck out there, somewhere between the second fire and the unlit one at my feet. Something is keeping her in the trees.

As we move through the shadows there's no sign of any kind of struggle, no disruption of the needles on the ground. I've stopped for just a moment when I hear it and I put my hand out to signal to Peeta to stop as well.

I have to cock my head around to the side to be sure, but there it is again. "Do you hear it?" I whisper and he nods his head. Rue's four-note tune coming out of a mockingjay's mouth. The one that means she's all right.

I grin and we move in the direction of the bird. Another just a short distance ahead, picks up on the handful of notes. Rue has been singing to them, and recently. Otherwise they'd have taken up some other song. My eyes lift up into the trees, searching for a sign of her.

I swallow and sing softly back, hoping she'll know it's safe to join me. A mockingjay repeats the melody to me. And that's when we hear the scream.

As we run in the direction I am positive that it is a child's scream and my heart sinks because it can only belong to Rue. We start running and another high pitched scream comes but this time we hear our names.

"Katniss! Peeta!"

If she can call out for us then that means that she can see us. We both call out to her, so now whoever may be waiting nows that we are coming but I don't care, and I'm sure that Peeta is with me.

I can only hope that the silly girl in the dresses, who dropped a Tracker Jacker nest on them, and got an 11 they can't explain and the boy who betrayed their trust is enough to distract them away from Rue.

We break through the clearing and there she is, hopelessly entangled in a net on the ground. Her hand manages to reach through the net and calls out to us. My name leaves her mouth as the spear enters her body.

The boy from District 1 dies before he can pull out the spear. My arrow drives deeply into the center of his neck. He falls to his knees and halves the brief remainder of his life by yanking out the arrow and drowning in his own blood. I'm reloaded, shifting my aim from side to side, while I shout at Rue, "Are there more? Are there more?"

She has to say no several times before I hear it. Rue has rolled to her side, her body curved in and around the spear. I shove the boy away from her and pull out my knife, freeing her from the net. One look at the wound and I know it's far beyond my capacity to heal, beyond anyone's probably.

The spearhead is buried up to the shaft in her stomach. I crouch before her, staring helplessly at the embedded weapon. There's no point in comforting words, in telling her she'll be all right. She's no fool. Her hand reaches out and I clutch it like a lifeline. As if it's me who's dying instead of Rue.

Peeta is at my side, he wraps an arm around my waist after carefully putting Rue's head in his lap as his other hand runs lightly through her hair.

"Did you blow up the food?" Her voice is so small, smaller than normal.

I smile to stop the tears, "Every bit little bird."

She looks to me then up at Peeta. "You have to win." I don't know what to say but Peeta answers for me.

"We'll find a way, promise." His voice is gentle and soothing.

The canon fires as they come to collect the boy from District 1. Rue's hand tighten around mine, "Don't leave." I lean forward and kiss her nose.

"We're not going anywhere."

"Sing?" I can just make out the word and my throat chokes with unshed years. Sing what? Music has been gone from my life since my father's death. The only time I sing is when Prim is sick or at the Training Center to Peeta. Our song The Valley Song. Promising that tomorrow will be a better day.

I swallow hard and Peeta arms pulls me closer.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true Here is the place where I love you.

Rue's eyes have fluttered shut. Her chest moves but only slightly. My throat releases the tears and they slide down my cheeks. But I have to finish the song for her.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray

Forget your woes and let your troubles lay

And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

The final lines are barely audible.

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true Here is the place where I love you.

Everything's still and quiet. Then, almost eerily, the mockingjays take up my song. I tell Peeta to stay with her and that's when we hear her canon fire. I stand and take the pack and my arrow from the boy from District 1.

Gale's voice is in my head. His ravings against the Capitol no longer pointless, no longer to be ignored. Rue's death has forced me to confront my own fury against the cruelty, the injustice they inflict upon us. But here, even more strongly than at home, I feel my impotence. There's no way to take revenge on the Capitol. Is there?

Then I remember Peeta's words on the roof. "Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to . . . to show the Capital they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games."

And for the first time, I understand what he means. I want to do something, right here, right now, to shame them, to make them accountable, to show the Capitol that whatever they do or force us to do there is a part of every tribute they can't own. That Rue was more than a piece in their Games. That Peeta and I are not.

A few steps into the woods grows a bank of wildflowers. Perhaps they are really weeds of some sort, but they have blossoms in beautiful shades of violet and yellow and white. I gather up an armful and come back to Rue's side.

Slowly Peeta slips Rue's head from his lap and kisses her forehead. We arrange the flowers around her in a halo, weaving some in her hair and placing some into her hands.

They'll have to show it. Or, even if they choose to turn the cameras elsewhere at this moment, they'll have to bring them back when they collect the bodies and everyone will see her then and know that we did it. We step back and take a last look at Rue. She could really be asleep in that meadow after all.

"Bye, Rue," We both whisper. We press the three middle fingers of our left hand against our lips and hold them out in her direction. Then we walk away without looking back.

The birds fall silent. Somewhere, a mockingjay gives the warning whistle that precedes the hovercraft.


	19. HG 19

We don't know where to go so we just wonder, always staying close to each other but letting our feet guide us. I know that this is a somewhat careless move on our parts but I know that if anyone or anything where to cross my part now I would kill it without a twitch in my hand or a second thought in my mind and I'm sure Peeta would most likely do the same.

My hatred for the Capitol has not lessened my hatred for my competitors at all, the Careers being to top of my list. At least they can be made to pay for Rue's death, but no one shows up. Maybe there has been enough gore for one day. Maybe the Gamesmasters will even allow us to get some sleep.

We find a spot to set up camp and then set to the task of sorting out the packs into two. We are just about done when the silver parachute lands about a foot from us. I stand up and go to it. We are good with supplies so I have no real idea what it could be. Maybe Haymitch has seen how despondent we are and sent us something to cheer us up.

I sit down next to Peeta, who's arm wraps almost instinctively around my waist. "What do you think it could be?" I ask him as I hand it to him.

"Something for your ear maybe." I consider Peeta's idea and then ask him to open it. Inside is a small loaf of bread. Made with dark ration grain and shaped like a crescent with little seeds on top.

"I can't imagine how much this must have cost them." Peeta remarks as he takes the silver Knife from his belt and cuts the still warm loaf of bread. The people of District 11 are in some ways poorer then is in 12, so I wonder how many had to get together to gift is with this or maybe it was meant for Rue but after her death they talked Haymitch into giving it to us.

Whatever their reason we hold up a half of the bread with our free hand and look to the sky, "Thank you District 11." We want them to know that we know it's from them. We eat in silence and then start setting up for the night. We combine our bags to make one large enough for us both to fit.

I settle in pressing my damaged ear against Peeta's chest and his arms wrap around me and I am lost for a moment in the steady warmth that only belongs to him.

"Peeta?" I watch as his eyes find mine.

"Yeah Katniss." I wiggle up so that I am eye to eye with him, smoke gray to sky blue.

"I love you." I smile and for the first time I realize that I say them not for the cameras but for myself. They don't know about our promise but that promise doean't matter, what I need is the sureness that I feel every time he pulls me into his arms.

"I love you too Katniss." His lips find mine and they are soft and gentle, I feel the sadness in him and know that it's a mirror of my own.

His fingers travel down my sides and come to rest on my hips, he rolls us so that I am on top of him. He removes the tie from my hair and his fingers undo my braid.

"You're so beautiful and I'm so lucky." I roll my eyes and that's when his hands cup my face.

"You don't see it. You're so strong, so driven by the need to provide for your family that you never take the time to notice what's going on around you, to notice who's around you." I know what he's trying to say and I know that my words will never touch people the way Peeta's do but I can try to then a moment in time hits me.

"I should have done it...that day...maybe things would have been if I had." I feel my face turn warm and I silently curse myself.

"What day Katniss?" I see the light of curiosity in his eyes and I decide to just let it all go.

"The next day...at school...I saw you at lunch and I was going to talk you but then I didn't know what to say, or how to say it...I'm not good...like you are with...stuff like...with words or feelings. I wanted to say thank you but that didn't seem like enough...so I just...took the easy way out...and...didn't even talk to you...but."

"You picked a flower, a dandelion. You rolled the steam around in your fingers and you smiled. It was beautiful, not the flower but the smile. I'm the one who should have gone to you. In the rain...you where curled up, soaked and resting against the pig house. It wasn't an accident...I did it on purpose, I saw you and I had to do something. I couldn't let you...not you my...but you weren't mine, not then."

He stops for a moment and his eyes are filled with pain and I want to do anything to take that way. "Maybe not even now. I should have gone out and gave them to you. I should have told you then how I felt...but I didn't I just watched you, everyday. I watched you go home, made sure you where safe. I was the one of asked my dad to give you the cookies and extra bread. He didn't tell mom because."

"I saw it...I saw her hit you and it made me so..." I run my finger over his face, where long ago the bruise once was. "You've never done anything to hurt anyone. You took a beating for me Peeta. I just wish we'd..." His fingers lock into my hair and he crushes my mouth to his and this kiss is not sweet or gentle, it's hard and demanding.

We separate for air and the look in his eyes makes my heart hurt.

"No one will miss me. If I die...they won't miss me. You have a family, people who rely on you. Your mom, Prim, Gale and the kids." Gale? He isn't family or is Peeta trying to say that he is...if he dies then I will still have Gale to love me and provide for me. And then it hits me, as they where leading him away "Remember I..." Love? Was Gale trying to tell me that he loved me?

The bread, the dandelion. They gave me hope. Peeta it was him who gave me the hope I needed to defy the Capitol so that I could provide for my family. "I need you. If you die they might not break, they will be able to go on...but I won't if you die I'll be broken and nothing will be able to fix me. I love you Peeta and I need you."

"I love you Peeta." With that I kiss him and I wish that I could shut the words out, close the doors and find a place where there Cameras and there microphones can't find us. This moment should not be their's so I decided that I will make it ours.

I lift my hands over my head and Peeta slides my shirt and bra off of me and I push my chest out in a silent request for his touch. His hands knead and I throw my head back and when he lightly pinches my nipples I rock myself against him hardness.

We had removed our pants before getting into the bag, since that first night in the Training Center I had found this to be the most comfortable was to sleep with Peeta, both of us in tee shirts and underwear.

I pull them down just enough to release Peeta from the fabric and then I reach between us and push aside the fabric of my own undergarments and let myself slide down him.

"God sweetheart you're..." his fingers dig into the flesh of my hips and holds me to him. I let him guide me and he sets a slow and steady pace that makes me want to ignite in flames like the outfits Cinna and Portia make for us.

I lean forward pressing my body to his and whisper into his ear. "I'm yours Peeta. Only yours...I won't let them change us. I love you." I feel the coil tighten as Peeta's nail dig deeper into my flesh and he crushes my hips to his and I bite my lips as the pleasure overtakes us.

I nestle into his chest and he wraps around me, a tangle of limbs and emotions. "Mine." His tone is gentle but his hands are possessive as they lock around me.

"Always." Is all I manage as the heaviness hits me.


	20. HG 20

Blood! Thick and heavy streaks of blood lace themselves over the rocks. My mind panics as I continue to fallow the trail. My mind produces images of Peeta badly injured or worse dead. I push them from my mind and continue on.

I hug the rocks and look for more signs of where he might be. I see more blood with bits of fabric stuck to it. It's been dried from the sun so it's not fresh but this is the direction that he traveled.

"Peeta! Peeta!" I say in a hushed tone but when I hear a Mockingjays pick it up, so I stop. My foot has just cleared the surface of the water when I hear it...a low, pained voice.

"It's about time, sweetheart."

It came from my left, so I can't hear it very well but that word hit me...sweetheart. Only two people have ever called me that, Haymitch and Peeta. My eyes peruse the banks of the water bit there is nothing there but leaves, and mud, and rocks. I take a few more steps. "Peeta?" No answer but I was sure the voice was real. So I take a few steps closer to the bank this time.

"Watch out sweetheart." I jump back because the voice came from right under my feet. I look hard and see nothing until I lean down and then I see them, sky blue and trimmed in midnight. I gasp and I am rewarded with a flash of white.

It's the final word in camouflage. Forget throwing weights around. Peeta should have gone into his sessions will the Gamemakers and painted himself into a tree or a rock or a bank of mud and leaves.

"Close your eyes." He does and his mouth too and he simply disappears into the bank.

What I think is his body is in fact a layer of leaves and mud. His arms and face so artfully done as to make him invisible. I kneel down next to him. "All those hours frosting cakes and cookies paid off."

Peeta smiles. "Yes. Frosting, the last defence of the dying." His voice is ragged.

"You're not going to die. I won't let you." The laugh is small and broken and I can hear the pain.

"Ok sweetheart."

"Where are you hurt?" I ask as I take the water from my pack and make him drink it.

"Left leg, high up. Ran into Cato and that sword." He tries to sit but I realize that the heat has turned the mud to stone and the vines kept him locked to the ground.

I lean down and try to pull him up, it take three tugs to free him. He tries to give me a cocky smile.

"How about a kiss Katniss?" I want to laugh but I need to address the state of his leg first.

"Not with that face Lover Boy." He tries to look hurt but all I can think about is his leg.

It's hard to know where to start, his clothes are so caked in mud and earth. I use the bottle from my pack and run water over his chest until I can see the fabric of his jacket. I carefully unzip it and remove it, along with his shirt and undershirt.

He sits perfectly still while I wash his hair and wipe his face. I've cleaned the last bit of mud from his face and I see him trying to smile through the pain.

"You don't have to keep it..." I look at him in confusion for a moment. "Your promise, I won't..." I put two fingers to his lips.

"I want to keep it Peeta. So you're just going to have to deal with it."

I place a gentle kiss to his lips. "Now let's get these pants off." He raises and eyebrow and I can't help but laugh.

"Yes ma'am Dr. Everdeen." I roll my eyes and slowly undo his pants.

I unlaced his boots and remove this socks.

"Cheese buns." Now I'm the one to raise an eyebrow.

"I'll make them for you every Saturday." I smile as I think about that Saturday breakfast.

"As long as they're hot." He laugh.

"Katniss my buns are always hot." I lean forward to kiss him and that's when I notice how hot his skin is.

I reach into the first aid supplies that I have a find the little white pills that will bring down a fever. My mother will get these and use them when her homemade cures don't work.

"Take these and try to eat something." He takes the pill and only nips at the fruit I hand him.

I get his pants off and I'm not ready for what waits for me. The skin is inflamed, oozing blood and puss and the cut is deep I'm sure but the thing that makes me want to run is the smell.

I can't run, we are not back home in District 12 and mom and Prim are not here to pass this off to. I slip the square of plastic under his leg and take another quick looks at it but I am truly at a loss.

"I'm not good at this, right now Prim would be much better then me. I...hate...ugh...ugh." I hear Peeta laugh and I look up.

"How do you hunt Katniss?" I give him an honest and wish I was a better liar.

"Killing things is the easy part. For all I know I'm killing you right now."

"Can you hurry up then?" He snickers and I playfully smack his arm.

"No I forbid it. No dying on me." He sighs and take a few more bites of food. I start chewing the leaves and I'm not sure they work but after three applications the wound is clear of puss and that's when I want to vomit.

It cut clear to the bone and I don't know what to do for it, not here where I have almost nothing to work with. I decide to wrap it as best I can and hope the sponsors take pitty on Peeta.

"Katniss can I rest now?" I nod my head and he opens his arms out and I smile.

"Can I hold you? I like the way you feel next to me." I settle in on his good side and when his arms wrap around me I let out a sigh.

"I love you Peeta." He kisses my forehead and laughs

"I love you too."

I don't sleep much but I let Peeta get a few hours before I nudge him awake. "We need to move Peeta. Find a place for you to rest until you're healed." His hand cup my face and pulls it up to his and he gives me a gentle kiss.

"There's a cave near by it's where I put the other pack."

"Is it far?" I ask not sure how far he can travel in his current state.

"Maybe fifty yards." He say as I try to help him to his feet. Peeta is the strong one he can loft the hundred pound sack of flour and he had lifted me over his shoulder and carried me a good distance but for me he is heavy and I'm trying not to hurt him.

We make it to the cave and Peeta is paper white, panting and shaking. We make it into the cave and I put down a layer of pine needles before I put down the bags.

"Katniss why can't we have one bag?" I look at him and roll my eyes, his laugh is weak and pained.

"Because you need to heal." I go back to working on the vine cover for the opening, an animal will not question it but a human will know that hands made it.

He stares at me for another minute.

"I can't sleep well without you since the Training Center. I like the way you fit in my arms." I look at him and I want to cry but now can I say no.

"I like it too." I brush sweat drenched stands of hair from his face.

I realize as I help him into the bag that the pills are not working. And for the first time I'm worried that he might die.

"Katniss, if I die..." It's unthinkable and I won't let it happen.

"You can't die Peeta." He looks at me as if trying to decide how to continue the fight.

"If I do..." I can't take this I need to end this.

"You're going to live and...I'll...we'll get...married."

He smiles and I'm sure that I've won. "So you'll allow it?" Allow what? I don't want to know what he's getting at but I ask.

"A family Katniss...our family." Oh God he was talking about that...I can't do that...not with the Games and the chance...but then the image of Rue in his lap comes to me and I know it would be cruel to not give it to him, just one I can do that. Can I?

"Yes, we can have one." Two he says and the look he give me makes me want to cry, because there is so much hope and love and pure happiness in his eyes.

"Fine. You win Mr. Mellark I'll give you two." He smile and reaches his arms out to me. I work my way into the sleeping bag and his lips find my ear.

"Thank you Mrs. Mellark." In that moment I am overcome for the first time with the fear that I will truly lose him.


	21. HG 21

I wake, unzip the sleeping bag, and try to gently remove myself from Peeta's arms. I need to get some air because the combination of Peeta's fevered body heat and the reflective nature of the bags has left me sticky.

I pull back the cover and step out into the cool air. I begin to wonder what I can do to bring his fever down since the pills have stopped working and Peeta is now somewhat refusing to eat.

I find some of Rue's berries and hope that maybe I can get him to eat some when I see the parachute come down. I open it hoping that it's medicine for Peeta's leg but I find a thick broth and the smell reminds me of something my mother makes. It won't help his leg but it will bring his fever down quickly.

I wrap the berries in the parachute and make my way back to the cave. I see him trying to sit himself up and I gave him the most genuine smile I can manage.

"Look what Haymitch sent you." He cocks an eyebrow and give me an unconvinced look.

"You're his favourite Katniss, we both know that." Me...well this is news to me. I am pretty sure he hates me.

"That's not true. He doesn't even like me." I'm not trying to say anything too negative about our mentor since he is a key to our survival.

"That's because you're too much like him. He gives you a hard time because he knows what you can be and he can't be that anymore and he doesn't want you to waste what you have." I take a minute to think about this and decide to not think about it and get food and the medicine into Peeta.

"Well this isn't for me so you're going to have to eat it all." He smile at me.

"What if I refuse too? What will you do then?" I roll my eyes and he just laughs.

"I'll just have to convince you then. I have ways." I try to say matter of factly but in truth I'm not sure what those ways are.

I sit down next to Peeta and know that I have a fight ahead of me. I know what it's like trying to get this into Prim when she's sick so I have no hope of it being easier with Peeta. I lift the spoon to his mouth and I can tell that he wants to spit it out but he swallows. "That tastes worse then it smells. I'm not..."

"Oh yes you are. You're going to eat every bit of it." He shakes his head and I come up with an idea.

"For every spoonful I'll give you a kiss. That way I have to suffer to." He takes the next spoonful and then smiles. It still takes almost an hour, and a few threats, to get it all into him.

He finishes the last spoonful and looks at me with such concern in his eyes.

"You didn't sleep at all." I try to tell him that I did but he knows that I'm lying.

"You stayed up all night and took care of me. Don't try to lie to me about it Katniss, you know you're not good at it." He's right about both.

"Sleep now. I'll keep an eye out and wake you if there's any problems. Please?" He pats his lab and I set down the pot and put my head in his lap as he unbraids my hair and runs his fingers through it. The action is comforting and I feel myself lulled to sleep.

The sound of the trumpets startles me. I'm on my feet and at the mouth of the cave in a flash, not wanting to miss a syllable. It's my new best friend, Claudius Templesmith.

As expected, he's inviting us to a feast. Well, we're not that hungry and I actually wave his offer away in indifference when he says, "Now hold on. Some of you may already be declining my invitation. But this is no ordinary feast. Each of you needs something desperately."

That's when it hits me. Medicine for Peeta's leg.

"Each of you will find that something in a backpack, marked with your district number, at the Cornucopia at dawn. Think hard about refusing to show up. For some of you, this will be your last chance," says Claudius.

I jump when I feel Peeta's arms wrap around my waist and his chin rests on my head. "Your not risking your life for me Katniss." I feel his grip tighten as he places a kiss to the crown of my head.

"I'm not going. I never said I was going." I hear him sigh.

"So your not going?" I turn in his arms.

"Of course, I'm not going. Give me some credit. Do you think I'm running straight into some free for all against Cato and Clove and Thresh? Don't be stupid. I'll let them fight it out, we'll see who's in the sky tomorrow night and work out a plan from there."

I raise up on my tip toes and place a gentle kiss to his lips. The fingers of his right hand tangle into my hair and hold my lips to his as he deepens the kiss. He pulls away and laughs. "You're such a bad liar Katniss and you know it too."

I roll my eyes and he laughs harder. "It doesn't look that bad. You're a lot cooler now. Of course I'm not going."

He mimics my words and his tone is mocking. "Don't play cards Karniss. You'll loss every last coin."

My face flushes with anger and I want to hit him just to make him shut up. "I'm going and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"I can go with you...cause a distraction. I'll be dead for sure then."

"You won't make it a hundred yards on that leg."

"I'll drag myself. If you go then I go too."

I know that he's stubborn enough, and maybe every strong enough to do it. I'd have to make a rock wall just to try to keep him in the cave and I'm not even sure that would work.

"What am I suppose to do Peeta just sit here and watch you while you die in my arms? Do you know what that would do to me? I'm not going to let that happen."

He leans down and kisses my forehead and I feel my body relax. "I won't die, I promise. If you promise you won't go."

We are at a stalemate so I decide on one last tactic. "I'll only promise to stay if...only if you do everything and I mean everything I ask you to do. Not questions asked. Deal?"

He looks into my eyes for a moment and I know he is trying to gauge the truth of my words.

"Deal. But only if you seal it wit a kiss." I'm sure the citizen of the Capitol are enjoying our little lover spat, adding some drama to the Games. I roll my eyes but I wrap my arms around his neck and crush my lips to his.

The kiss is not a gentle one and I feel that hunger deep inside start to make itself known to me. I guide Peeta back to the sleeping back and help him to the ground.

"I'm going to go wash up a bit and see if I can put something together for dinner, maybe a soup." He looks concerned.

"Don't start a fire." I kiss him quickly.

"I'll be careful I promise."

As I go down to the stream to wash up, all I can think is that he's going to die if I don't get to that feast. I'll keep him going for a day or two, and then the infection will reach his heart or his brain or his lungs and he'll be gone. And I'll be here all alone. Again. Waiting for the others.

I'm so lost in thought that I almost miss the parachute, even though it floats right by me. Then I spring after it, yanking it from the water, tearing off the silver fabric to retrieve the vial. Haymitch has done it! He's gotten the medicine, I don't know how, persuaded some gaggle of romantic fools to sell their jewels, and I can save Peeta! It's such a tiny vial though. It must be very strong to cure someone as ill as Peeta.

A ripple of doubt runs through me. I uncork the vial and take a deep sniff. My spirits fall at the sickly sweet scent. Just to be sure, I place a drop on the tip of my tongue. There's no question, it's sleep syrup. It's a common medicine in District 12. Cheap, as medicine goes, but very addictive.

I'm about to pour Haymitch's little gift into the stream when it hits me...it's enough to knock him out for a day. Long enough for me to go and get the real medicine. Now I just have to find a way to get it into him.

I stuff the vital into the pocket of my pants and try to make a soup out of the rest of the meat, some of Rue's roots, and some chives I find on the edge of the bank. I use some small rocks to warm the water and it's hot enough for what I need.

Peeta eats without complaint, even scraping out the pot to show his enthusiasm. He rambles on about how good it is, which would be encouraging if it wasn't for the fever. He's like listening to Haymitch before the alcohol has soaked him into incoherence. I give him another dose of fever medicine before he goes off his head completely.

When he's sleep I take the vial from my pocket and mix it into a pot of mushed berries and add some mint leaves in a vain hope it masks some of the taste. I put the lid on and go back to where Peeta is sleeping and lift his arm and settle against his chest.

He wakes a few hours later and I get him to drink some water before I find the pot of berries. Here we go Katniss, no turning back now.

I sit down next to him and Peeta opens his mouth for the first bite without hesitation. He swallows then frowns slightly. "They're very sweet." I smile and hope it's convincing enough.

"Yes, they're sugar berries, that's what my father called them. My mother makes jam from them. Haven't you ever had them before?" I say, poking the next spoonful in his mouth.

"No," he says, almost puzzled. "But they taste familiar."

"Well, you can't get them in the market much, they only grow wild," I say. Another mouthful goes down. Just one more to go.

"They're sweet as syrup," he says, taking the last spoonful. "Syrup."

His eyes widen as he realizes the truth. I clamp my hand over his mouth and nose hard, forcing him to swallow instead of spit. He tries to make himself vomit the stuff up, but it's too late, he's already losing consciousness. Even as he fades away, I can see in his eyes what I've done is unforgivable.

I position him and I wipe a stray stain from his lips. I kiss his cheek and wipe a strain of hair from his eyes. "Forgive me Peeta?" I ask knowing that he can't give me an answer.

In the remaining hours before nightfall, I gather rocks and do my best to camouflage the opening of the cave. It's a slow and arduous process, but after a lot of sweating and shifting things around, I'm pretty pleased with my work, The cave now appears to be part of a larger pile of rocks, like so many in the vicinity. I can still crawl in to Peeta through a small opening, but it's undetectable from the outside.

That's good, because I'll need to share that sleeping bag again tonight. Also, if I don't make it back from the feast, Peeta will be hidden but not entirely imprisoned. Although I doubt he can hang on much longer without medicine. If I die at the feast, District 12 isn't likely to have a victor.

I make a meal out of the smaller, bonier fish that inhabit the stream down here, fill every water container and purify it, and clean my weapons. I've nine arrows left in all. I debate leaving the knife with Peeta so he'll have some protection while I'm gone, but there's really no point.

He was right about camouflage being his final defence. But I still might have use for the knife. Who knows what I'll encounter.


	22. HG 22

Somehow I make it back to the cave. I squeeze through the rocks. In the dappled light, I pull the little orange backpack from my arm, cut open the clasp, and dump the contents on the ground. One slim box containing one hypodermic needle.

Without hesitating, I jam the needle into Peeta's arm and slowly press down the plunger. My hand goes to my forehead and then drop back to lap. The last thing I remember is a beautiful silver and green moth landing on my wrist.

"Katniss." The voice calls to me. "Katniss, can you hear me?" I wake and my bare feet are freezing despite the cover, and the air is tainted with the unmistakable smell of blood. The haggard, pale face of a boy slides into view, and after an initial jolt of alarm, I feel better.

"Peeta."

"Hey. Good to see those beautiful gray eyes again." He smiles.

"How long have I been out for?" I ask unsure of the passing of time.

"Not sure. I woke up yesterday evening and you were lying next to me in a very scary pool of blood."

"I think it's stopped finally, but I wouldn't sit up or anything." I gingerly lift my hand to my head and find it bandaged. This simple gesture leaves me weak and dizzy. Peeta holds a bottle to my lips and I drink thirstily.

"You're better." I say weakly as he carefully picks me up and sets me into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around me.

"Much better. Whatever you shot into my arm did the trick. By this morning, almost all the swelling in my leg was gone." His voice seems to hold no anger but I want to be sure.

"So you don't hate me for...tricking you with the berries?" His voice is gentle and calm as he speaks.

"No Katniss, I don't hate you...I never could. A little mad but you saved my life. I love you." He kisses the crown of my heart and I sign, this makes him chuckle.

"Did you eat?" I ask as his fingers draw lazy designs on my arms.

"Yeah, I ate three pieces of that meat before I realized we might have to make it last." His voice holds shame but I can't say that I blame him.

"It's ok. I'll hunt soon and find us something." He chuckles again.

"Not too soon ok. Just let me take care of you for a while first." I smile and he brings one of my hands to his lips and places a gentle kiss to the palm.

"That's what we do, we take care of each other." I say and he wraps me tighter into his embrace.

I can feel tears starting to pool in my eyes. Peeta looks at me in concern. "What is it? Are you in a lot of pain?" I don't want to give him the real answer so I come up with another, because it is equally true.

"I want us to go home, Peeta,"

"We will. I promise," he says, and bends over to give me a kiss.

"I want to go home now," I say like a small child.

"Tell you what. You go back to sleep and dream of home. And we'll be there for real before you know it," I nestle my face into his chest and let my eyes close.

It's evening when Peeta wakes me again. The rain has turned to a downpour, sending streams of water through our ceiling where earlier there had been only drips. Peeta has placed the broth pot under the worst one and repositioned the plastic to deflect most of it from me.

I feel a bit better, able to sit up without getting too dizzy, and I'm absolutely famished. So is Peeta. It's clear he's been waiting for me to wake up to eat and is eager to get started.

There's not much left. Two pieces of groosling, a small mishmash of roots, and a handful of dried fruit.

"Should we try and ration it?" Peeta asks.

"No, let's just finish it. The groosling's getting old anyway, and the last thing we need is to get sick off spoilt food," I say, dividing the food into two equal piles.

We try and eat slowly, but we're both so hungry were done in a couple of minutes. My stomach is in no way satisfied. "Tomorrow's a hunting day," I say.

"I won't be much help with that," Peeta says.

"I've never hunted before."

"I'll kill and you cook," I say. "And you can always gather."

"Where did Thresh go? I mean, what's on the far side of the circle?" I ask Peeta, trying to make him feel more useful.

"A field. As far as you can see it's full of grasses as high as my shoulders. I don't know, maybe some of them are grain. There are patches of different colors. But there are no paths."

"I bet some of them are grain. I bet Thresh knows which ones, too. Did you go in there?" I ask him trying to find out as much as I can.

"No. Nobody really wanted to track Thresh down in that grass. It has a sinister feeling to it. Every time I look at that field, all I can think of are hidden things. Snakes, and rabid animals, and quicksand."

"There could be anything in there." I don't say so but Peeta's words remind me of the warnings they give us about not going beyond the fence in District 12. I can't help, for a moment, comparing him with Gale, who would see that field as a potential source of food as well as a threat.

Thresh certainly did. It's not that Peeta's soft exactly, and he's proved he's not a coward. But there are things you don't question too much, I guess, when your home always smells like baking bread, whereas Gale questions everything.

What would Peeta think of the irreverent banter that passes between us as we break the law each day? Would it shock him? The things we say about Panem? Gale's tirades against the Capitol?

"Maybe there is a bread bush in that field. Maybe that's why Thresh looks better fed now than when we started the Games."

"Either that or he's got very generous sponsors. I wonder what we'd have to do to get Haymitch to send us some bread." This is when I remember that he doesn't know about my theory about Haymitch using our romance to get us better sponsors.

We're both been too sick recently to put on a very good show and I'm sure it will take more then a few kisses and words to get us anything. So I have to give Haymitch something to work with.

I walk over to where Peeta is standing and I place my hands on his chest. "Well, he probably used up a lot of resources helping me knock you out," I say mischievously.

"Yeah, about that," Peeta entwines his fingers in mine.

"Don't try something like that again." His tone tells me that he's serious.

"Or what?" I ask.

"Or . . . or . . ." He can't think of anything good. "Just give me a minute." I laugh a little and know I'm on a better track now.

"What's the problem?" I say with a grin. "The problem is we're both still alive. Which only reinforces the idea in your mind that you did the right thing," says Peeta.

"I did do the right thing."

"No! Just don't, Katniss!" His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there's real anger in his voice. "Don't die for me. You won't be doing me any favors. All right?"

I taken back by the intensity of his words but I see what might be our best chance for food, so I try to keep up. "Maybe I did it for myself, Peeta, did you ever think of that? Maybe you arena't the only one who...who worries about . . . what it would be like if."

I fumble. I'm not as smooth with words as Peeta. And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.

"If what, Katniss?" he says softly. I am at a loss for how to answer him so I just stand there.

"Then I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself." he moves in to me. This is the first kiss in awhile that we're both fully aware of. Neither of us hobbled by sickness or pain or simply unconscious. Our lips neither burning with fever or icy cold.

This kiss make me realize that the hunger is no longer there. It's not a simple thing that can be feed by a few kisses or even a touch. Now it's an ache that I feel in my soul, a hunger for the things I have refused to accept my need for. It is Peeta who makes me see the need and the purpose of these emotions.

I wish I could pull the shutters closed, blocking out this moment from the prying eyes of Panem. Even if it means losing food. Whatever I'm feeling, it's no one's business but mine.

We break the kiss and Peeta takes my face into his hands and forces me to look at those amazing blue eyes, eyes that hold such a depth of emotions. "Katniss Everdeen you are the only thing in my life that makes everything else worth fighting for. I love you. Always."

I snake my hands into his soft blond waves and I crush my lips to his and his hands begin to tug my shirt from my pants. Quickly we manage to remove each others shirts and undershirts as well as my bra. "God Katniss you are so beautiful. I can't wait to get home and..."

I cut off his words with another kiss, not because I don't want to hear them but for the moment I simply want to feel him, move with him, for us to become one. I hook my fingers into the belt loop of his pants and pull him down.

I straddle him and relish in the moan that he makes when I push against him. "I love you Peeta. I'm sorry it took me so long to...to realize what an amazing person you are. I promise I'll make it up to you."

He looks at me for a moment and then he starts laughing. I open my mouth to speak but he puts a finger to my lips. "Katniss I told you before, you have nothing to make up for. I have you now and I plan to keep you for a very long time. When we get back we'll have two houses. We can live in one and your mother and Prim ca live in the other."

I want to ask about his bit I'm guessing that his mother would never live in a house with people from the Seam. "I promise to make you happy. I know I didn't have to struggle in the same ways you did but that doesn't mean that I don't know what it like to. We eat a lot of stale bread and the only meat we get is what..."

It never dawned on me that maybe the Merchants might not be as well off as us in the Seam assume they are, if the only meat Peeta gets is the squirrels and rabbit that I trade his father.

"Peeta..." I swallow and can't believe that these words are forming in my head but I can't or I should say that I won't stop them from coming.

"As soon as we get home let's start working on...making a...I want a baby Peeta."

His smile is brilliant and it seems to set his eyes alight. "Do you...do you really mean...that Katniss?" I take a deep breath and that when I feel the tears steam down my cheeks.

"Yes Peeta. I do...really I do. I want to have a family with you, get married if you want, and yes two. I believe that's what we agreed on."

"I want you Katniss...I want to be inside of you, now." His hands find the button and make a quick work of the zipper. I stand and remove my pants and undergarments and Peeta does the same before laying back down. I settle myself over him and let myself slide over him and I bite my lip when I hear Peeta make these small moaning sound.

"Katniss." He grips my hips and guilds me into him and we both moan. He starts a slow and measured pace that makes me feel like I'm on fire. "Let me Katniss. Say it again. Please?" I smile and push down so that he is buried inside me.

"I love you Peeta. I want you, only you. I want to get married and have a baby, a family." I throw my head and Peta's hands come up and cover my breast, giving the nipples a hard twist. I feel the orgasm hit me and as I fall into Peeta's arms and settle against him. I hear sound that makes me sit up with my bow drawn and arrow ready to fly.

When we are both sure that there is no other sound Peeta peers through the rocks and then gives a whoop. Before I can stop him, he's out in the rain, then handing something in to me. A silver parachute attached to a basket.

I rip it open at once and inside there's a feast, cheese buns, goat cheese, apples, and best of all, a tureen of that incredible lamb stew on wild rice. The very dish I told Caesar Flickerman was the most impressive thing the Capitol had to offer.

Peeta wriggles back inside, his face lit up like the sun. "I guess Haymitch finally got tired of watching us starve." I smile.

"I guess so." But in my head I can hear Haymitch's smug, if slightly exasperated, words, "Yes, that's what I'm looking for, sweetheart."


	23. HG 23

The interview takes place right down the hall in the sitting room. A space has been cleared and the love seat has been moved in and surrounded by vases of red and pink roses. There are only a handful of cameras to record the event. No live audience at least.

Caesar Flickerman gives me a warm hug when I come in. "Congratulations, Katniss. How are you faring?" I give him a warm and genuine.

"Fine. Nervous about the interview, that's all." I giggle and the sound seems to confirm my claim of nerves.

"Don't be, my dear. We're going to have a fabulous time." He says and he gives me cheek a reassuring pat.

"I'm just not good at talking about myself," I say as I fidget with the hem of my dress.

"Nothing you say will be wrong," he says. And I think, Oh, Caesar, if only that were true. But actually, President Snow may be arranging some sort of "accident" for me as we speak.

Then Peeta's there looking handsome in red and white, pulling me off to the side. "I hardly get to see you. Haymitch seems bent on keeping us apart.

Haymitch is actually bent on keeping us alive, but there are too many ears listening, so I just say, "Yes, he's gotten very responsible lately."

"Well, there's just this and we go home. He can't watch us all the time," Peeta says wrapping his arms around my waist, I rise up on my tip toes to press my lips to his in a gentle kiss.

I feel that new feeling well up in me, that thing that has replaced the hunger. The twist that once was calmed by a kiss or a touch is now a void and no amount of affection from Peeta, seems to fill it. I have no more time to ponder it because they are tell us that they are ready for us. Once again the Capitol has stolen a moment from us.

We sit somewhat formally one the love seat but Caesar gives us a smile and say, "Oh, go ahead and curl up next to him if you want. It looked very sweet." So I tuck my feet up and Peeta pulls me in close to him.

Someone counts backward and just like that, we're being broadcast live to the entire country. Caesar Flickerman is wonderful, teasing, joking, getting choked up when the occasion presents itself.

He and Peeta already have the rapport they established that night of the first interview, that easy banter, so I just smile a lot and try to speak as little as possible. I mean, I have to talk some, but as soon as I can I redirect the conversation back to Peeta.

Eventually though, Caesar begins to pose questions that insist on fuller answers. "Well, Peeta, we know that it was love at first sight for you from what, age five?" Caesar says.

"From the moment I laid eyes on her." Peeta looks at me for a moment and I see that spark of pure adoration in his icy blue eyes.

"But, Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?" asks Caesar and I have only a moment to decide that to say.

"Oh that's easy. The moment I found him at the bank of the stream. When I saw the injury and for the first time I feared I would lose him and that's when I truly knew that I loved him." I feel Peeta's thumb wipe away the tear I didn't realize I had shed.

"So tell me Katniss, what went through your mind when they announced the rule change? How did it make you feel?" He asks and I nestle closer to Peeta before I answer letting my head rest over this heart, the steady and strong beat instantly calms me.

"It gave me hope...for the first time I could...let myself believe that I could...keep him, I let myself really hope for the future I started to dream about." I feel Peeta press a gentle kiss to the crown of my head and I let out a content sigh.

Behind a cameraman, I see Haymitch give a sort of huff with relief and I know I've said the right thing. Caesar pulls out a handkerchief and has to take a moment because he's so moved.

I feel Peeta's fingers as they guild my face up so that I'm looking in to his eyes. "So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" His voice is gentle but playful.

"Put you somewhere, where nothing can hurt you." He kisses me and I hear people in the room sigh.

For Caesar, this is a natural place to segue into all the ways we did get hurt in the arena, from burns, to stings, to wounds. But it's not until we get around to the mutts that I forget I'm on camera. When Caesar asks Peeta how his "new leg" is working out.

"What does he mean by..?" I say, and I can't help reaching out and pulling up the bottom of Peeta's pants.

"Oh Peeta, no." I whisper, taking in the metal and plastic device that has replaced his flesh.

"No one told you?" asks Caesar gently. I shake my head.

"I haven't had the chance," Peeta says with a slight shrug.

"It's my fault, because I used that tourniquet."

Peeta looks at me with such love in his eyes, but all I feel is hate for myself at the damage I've done.

"Yes Katniss it's your fault. It's your fault I am alive for you to keep." He kisses me again and I feel a single tear hit my lips.

"He's right, you know. He'd have surely bled to death for sure without it."

I can't focus on anything but how awful I feel at the idea that Peeta has suffered so much because of me, because he loves and I allowed myself to love him so I just bury my head in his shirt and rest my ear to his heart.

It takes them a couple of minutes to coax me back out because it's better in the shirt, where no one can see me, and when I do come out, Caesar backs off questioning me so I can recover. In fact, he pretty much leaves me alone until the berries come up.

"Katniss, I know you've had a shock, but I've got to ask. The moment when you pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind . . . hm?" he says and I this is the moment that seals mine and Peeta's are maybe other people's fates.

I am sure they want a grand speech but I'm not sure what to say, wishing it was Peeta that this question was directed to but I was the one who pulled out the berries and defied the Capitol in front of all of Panem.

"To tell you the trust Caesar...everything was going through my mind at once. I had found him, learned of his love for me and I was scared...I didn't know what to do. I had these feeling for him...I had made him a promise and it was killing me slowly to know that I would have to break it. The the rule change came and I started to realize that if we could find a way to keep each other alive long enough, then maybe we had a chance to have a real life together.

The idea of a life without him was more than I could bear to think of. When he started to recover that's when I finally let myself start to believe we could have a life together. That we could go home and get married, start a family. I promised him that but it wasn't just to get the medicine in him, I said it because I wanted it for myself.

So when they said only one of us could live we decided that we'd both rather die together than live without each other. I guess love makes you do crazy things." I give Peeta one last kiss and again I hate the Capitol for stealing that moment from us.

Caesar signs off and it's over. Everyone's laughing and crying and hugging, but I'm still not sure until I reach Haymitch.

"Okay?" I whisper.

"Perfect," he answers.

I go back to my room to collect a few things and find there's nothing to take but the mockingjay pin Madge gave me. Someone returned it to my room after the Games.

They drive us through the streets in a car with blackened windows, and the train's waiting for us. We barely have time to say good-bye to Cinna and Portia, although we'll see them in a few months, when we tour the districts for a round of victory ceremonies.

It's the Capitol's way of reminding people that the Hunger Games never really go away. We'll be given a lot of useless plaques, and everyone will have to pretend they love us.

The train begins moving and we're plunged into night until we clear the tunnel and I take my first free breath since the reaping. Effie is accompanying us back and Haymitch, too, of course. We eat an enormous dinner and settle into silence in front of the television to watch a replay of the interview.

I excuse myself to go change of wash the makeup from my face. With every mile we travel away from the Capitol the more relaxed I get. I start to think of my mother, of Prim, of Gale. What will he think of me? Will we eve have a friendship when I return home? I push these thoughts from my mind as I braid my hair and look for something to wear.

I find a gift from Cinna and Portia in the top drawer, the outfit from that day...a day that seems so long ago. I put on the black pants and the sunset tunic, secure my feet into the hunting boots and take a long look at my self in the mirror.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm live in the Seam.

I hunt in the woods. I trade in the Hob.

I stop myself because this is who I was before Prim was Reaped. Am I still that same girl? I try again. But this time I change everything.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I live in the Victor's Village. I hunt in the wood. I trade in the Hob.

So far it sounds ok to me. So I add more to it.

I survived the Hunger Games. I didn't survive alone. I have Peeta. We made it out alive. I can keep my promises.

At this I feel that void open up. So I try to add a little more.

My name will not always be Everdeen. Katniss Mellark. Katniss Everdeen Mellark.

At this I feel better. Maybe I don't have to lose everything about me. So I start again.

My name is Katniss Everdeen Mellark. I was a girl from the Seam. I volunteered for my sister. I won the Hunger Game. We won the Hunger Game. We live in the Victor's Village. I hunt in the woods. I trade at the Hob. I love Peeta. He loves me. One day we'll get married. Start a family.

I stop because I feel the pull of the void. I feel the pull toward Peeta. So I walk out of the bathroom and rejoin everyone in the main compartment. I sit next to Peeta and his arm wraps around me and this is the first time I feel he has done it without a camera, and it feels better...safer here in his warm embrace.

When the train makes a brief stop for fuel, we're allowed to go outside for some fresh air. There's no longer any need to guard us. Peeta and I walk down along the track, hand in hand, and I can't find anything to say now that we're alone.

He stops to gather a bunch of wildflowers for me. When he presents them, I work hard to look pleased. Because he can't know that the pink and white flowers are the tops of wild onions and only remind me of the hours I've spent gathering them with Gale, he is not who I want to think about.

"Thank you Peeta. They're beautiful." I say as I take a sniff.

"Not as beautiful as you are Katniss." He leans down to kiss my forehead and I smile.

We walk along in silence and eve though I'm sure there are no cameras here, I still don't feel comfortable talking to him about anything until we are safe in our own home.

"We're going home Peeta. We're going to our home."

His smile makes me want to cry as he wraps his arm around my waist and his breath is hot on my skin.

"I can't wait to get you home and into our bed." I stand on tip toes and kiss his lips.

"Me too." I say when we pull away.

Haymitch startles me when he lays a hand on my back. Even now, in the middle of nowhere, he keeps his voice down. "Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay."

I watch him head back to the train, avoiding Peeta's eyes.

"What's he mean?" Peeta asks me.

"It's the Capitol. They didn't like my stunt with the berries," I blurt out.

"What? What are you talking about?" he says.

"It seemed to rebellious. So Haymitch has been coaching me the last few days. So I wouldn't make it worse for both of us." I say and I hate myself all over again.

"Coaching you? But not me," says Peeta.

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right,"

"I didn't know there was anything to get right. So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess . . . back in the arena . . . that was just some strategy you two worked out."

"No Peeta. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?" I stammer.

"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" says Peeta.

I bite my lip. "Katniss?" He drops my hand and I take a step, as if to catch my balance.

"It was all for the Games, how you acted with me...the things you said...the things we did?"

"Please don't hate me...I don't want to lose you. I just want you to know the truth. I wanted to wait until we got home but now I'm scared that I might lose everything." I say, tightly holding onto my flowers.

"Then tell me everything Katniss...and then we'll see what's left."

"Can we go inside and talk, please? I don't want to do it here..." I wave my hand to the station around me. "But I don't want to wait until we get home. I want there to be a home, for us together, when we get to District 12."

"Ok. We'll take dinner in my room and you can say whatever you want. Then I'll tell you." I smile and he smiles back but the light doesn't reach his eyes and this pains me more then I can say.

I lace my fingers into his and I am amazed that he doesn't draw away from me. We talk in silence back to the train and tell Effie that we will take our dinner in Peeta's room. She looks slightly displeased but agrees. We both avoid looking at Haymitch and he does not say a word.

Peeta opens the door to his room and lets go of my hand and waits for me to go in. I stand in the center of the room and for a moment I feel like I'm back on the Launch Pad and surrounded by mines.

"So speak Katniss." I watch as Peeta tries to lower himself onto the bed. I offer him a hand but he refuses. Once he has settled down I sit next to him.

"You asked me how much was true and I want you to know that what I said to Caesar was the truth. I meant every word. Except I lied about when I fell in love with you." I feel a tear form as I think back on the true moment.

"When was it Katniss?" I take a deep breath to steady myself.

"Before...when I watched you with her. That's when it became real for me. Watching you braid the flowers into her hair, when you kissed her. The way you held her. I saw you talking to her...she was in your lap and you where talking to her about bread, and painting, and me."

I reach over and run my fingers along his jaw line and see his hold body relax for a moment. I try to make him look at me and after a moment he does.

"Karniss." I press a finger to his lips.

"That's the first time I saw her. She had your eyes Peeta. She was so pretty. That's why I cried that night and wouldn't tell you why."

He looks at me and he eyes are a mask of emotions. "What does she look like?"

I close my eyes and recall the face that haunts my dreams. "She had your blue eyes. Think black curls. She was a little darker then you and she had my lips." I open mine and find that Peeta is stareing at me. "I meant every word. I do love you but I try to tell him it was real but he didn't want to see it or hear it. You said I couldn't lie. So please look in my eyes and see the truth."

I keep my gaze locked on him as I continue talking. "When we met at the Training Center we where strangers. You knew me but I didn't really know you...not like I do now. Yes in the beginning it was mostly about staying alive.

But then it turned into keeping you alive because I don't want to know what my life would be without you in it. You saved me Peeta. You gave me hope more then once. I don't want to lose the only man I've never loved. I just hope you believe me someday."

I have my hand on the handle of the door when I hear him stand up. I don't try to move or turn around, I just stand there and wait. I feel a shiver of warmth run down my spine when his hands find my hips.

"Don't go Katniss. I...I need...I want...I promise I believe you. We still have some stuff to work on but I can't go on without you. His finger hover over the zipper of my pants. "Can I?"

We spend a few days like that...talking and making love. I know that once we get home the real conversations will begin but for now I am sure of one thing I love him and trusts that love.

So we just stand there silently, watching our grimy little station rise up around us. Through the window, I can see the platform's thick with cameras. Everyone will be eagerly watching our homecoming, but I have had enough of cameras.

I want to go home with Peeta and work us out. The train slows and we make our way to the platform at the end of the train. I don't care about the people...all I want to see is my family and spend some time with Peeta away from the cameras.

He takes my hand in his and whispers in my ear. "Let give the Capitol one last show, then we can go home and make that baby."


	24. Victors Village 1

"Katniss!" Peeta arm releases its hold on my waist just a moment before Prim's arms replace it.

"Hey little duck. I told you I'd win for you." I hold her at arms length and I swear that she's aged drastically since I left.

"I knew you would Katniss."

"Everyone's so excited to see you." Her statement is backed up by three bodies crashing into me...Rory, Vick, and little Posy.

"I missed you the most Katniss." I pick her up and place a kiss to her forehead, which as always, earns me a high pitched giggle.

I hear Peeta laugh next to me. I turn and Posy beams at him slowing off all her teeth.

"Who's this pretty little lady?" She giggles and ducks her head into my neck before looking at Peeta.

"I'm Posy, Katniss' favourite." I hear laughter from the boys and when I turn in their direction they have been joined by my mother and theirs.

I set Posy down and my mother opens her arms to me. I set into her embrace, aware of the cameras I keep my face happy. I have not and still do not trust my mother with this kind of exchange.

"Welcome home Katniss." I smile and try to keep my voice light.

"I missed you too."

She passes me to Hazelle who I hug with a genuine affection. In the last few years it's been Hazelle who has been more like a mother to me then my own.

"I'm glad we didn't lose you." I hug her tighter and ask into her ear.

"Where's Gale?"

I feel her body tense and sink.

"At work in the mine. Since the Games ended." I am in shock because we had both promised to avoid work there for as long as we could. I can only guess that my show with Peeta may be the cause of this move.

Hazelle smiles as she gathers up the kids. "Please come to the house once you settle in Katniss, your cousins have missed you."

Cousins? I have been close to the Hawthorne's for awhile now but when did they become my cousins? I kiss Hazelle and the kids and promise to be by soon.

I feel Peeta's arm wrap back around my waist and I relax. I turn and kiss his softly on the lips 'I love you' I mouth and he smiles...this is not for the camera, this is for me, it only adds to my anger that they are here to steal it from me. His lips brush my ear and I smile, letting the camera think it's stealing another moment.

"Are you ok Katniss?" I feel the tear slide down my cheek and squeeze my eyes shut to stop any more tears.

"I want to go home Peeta." He smiles and hugs me tighter. Our moment is broken by the sound of someone calling our names.

Peeta turns me and I see his father standing there smiling at us.

"Welcome home kids." I realize that Peeta is the spitting image of his father. Same bright blue eyes, curly hair that I am sure was the same blond in his younger years. Peeta is also built like his father broad and stocky.

He gives Peeta a hug and pats him on the back. He says something I can't hear and Peeta laughs. He releases Peeta and holds out his arms to me. I step into his embrace and he's as warm as Peeta.

"Mellark's can't help falling for you Everdeen girls."

I laugh too and he passes me back to Peeta. I rest my head into the crook of his neck and I feel him pull me closer and kisses my forehead.

"Come by the bakery later. Got something special for you kids." We both promise to and then he leaves us.

"Well you two have had a big, big, big day...and now it time for me to carry out my last duty as your escort today. Let get you to the Victor's Village and your new home." Effie says with an above usual amount of enthusiasm.

"I wish we had gotten a chance to say good bye to Cinna and Portia. They just vanished once we got here." I say and we a huge smile come to Effie's face.

"Oh they have a little surprise arranged for you at you home. Come, come."

We arrive at the Victor's Village, a place we have only seen through the gate. There are twelve identical houses arranged in a square with a line of four houses each on three sides and the gated wall on the fourth. There is a meadow in the middle.

"Which ones are ours Effie?" Peeta asks as she opens the gate. She points straight ahead.

"The two in the center. You each have a house but because of your special situation the one to the left is for you and Katniss and the other your families will be allowed to live in if they so desire."

I know my mother and Prim plan to stay there because they want to be close. I will pay the rent for our small home in the Seam and my mother and Prim can use it for her their healing.

"Will your family move Peeta?" I ask and he just shakes his head.

"No my mother would never..."

He give me hand a gentle squeeze and I know what he's going to say. She would never live with people from the Seam. "She's a witch." I try to say it under my breath but Effie must have heard.

"KATNISS..." Effie is once again apauld my my lack of manners. " That's quite uncalled for young lady. You're a Victor now.

Peeta chuckles. "It's true. Everyone in the District knows it."

Effie seems even more shocked. "She's your mother Peeta."

We both laugh and this only makes her walk faster. When we reach the door Effie pulls out two silver keys. She hands them to Peeta and he opens the door. "Go ahead in Effie I have to do something. It's tradition in District 12." Effie smiles.

"Oh no Peeta. You can't...your leg." He smiles and takes my hands in his and guilds them around his neck.

"Trust me Katniss." With that he picks me up into hos arms and carries me through the door.

I giggle and bat at him to put me down. He does and kisses me lightly on the lips. We hear clapping and when we turn we see our stylists. Cinna has his arm around Portia's thin waist. I've noticed he only does this in private.

She comes over and hugs me tightly. "Welcome home Katniss." She kisses both cheeks before moving to Peeta. Cinna comes next and hugs me before resting his forehead against mine.

"I bet right, girl on fire." I smile and he kisses my cheeks.

"Can you guys stay for awhile?" Cinna smiles.

"Sadly we can't, but we left our numbers next to your phone and we will visit soon for our Saturday breakfast."

Portia smiles as they get ready to leave. "We left a few presents upstairs in the master suite. We'll see you soon Victors."

Effie hugs us both as we stand in the doorway. "Haymitch is next door if you need anything. If he's any help."

Once everyone leaves Peeta locks the door and looks at me, raising an eyebrow. "Shall we check out our master suite Katniss?"


	25. Victors Village 2

We were told that the door to the master suite was marked with a bow. I have seen many of Portia's sketches and the woman has a taste of them...thankfully Cinna does not. To be honest I can't wait to see the outfits he has planned for the Victory Tour, I always feel the passion in his pieces.

The bow is a pale green and it makes me smile, I had told them that this shade reminded me of the summers spent in the woods with my father, and it makes it seem like he's a part of this day. What would my father think of his Katniss, Victor of the Hunger Games.

Peeta's warm breath on my skin shakes me from my pondering as his arms wrap around my waist from behind. "Come back to me." I moan when his tongue slowly drags along the shell of my ear.

Peeta hands me a box, my name written in a delicate hand that can only be Cinna's. I open it to find a new hunting jacket, winter fur liner, gloves, and boots.

"They're beautiful Katniss. You'll disappear in the trees with those for sure." I smile because Cinna knows me so well.

"Now it's your turn."

Peeta lifts the lid from his box and his eyes grow wide. Inside is every color of paint you can think of and a few i'd never seen before. He picks up a note and unfolds it. "These are just to get you started. There are some canvas' in the study and more will come on the train. Portia."

"You can finally paint on something other then me." I laugh and he wraps an arm around me and again I shutter when his breath hits my skin.

"Oh some of these are her paints...and the Victory Tour is coming soon and you're always going to be my favourite canvas Katniss." I moan and he snickers.

"We have a few hours before we have to be at the bakery so how about we get started on our own little baking project." I roll my eyes, leave it to Peeta to be sweet and corny in the same breath.

He stands and takes the box from my hands and places both on the dresser before turning back to me. He holds out his hands and helps me to my feet. We stand there for a minute Peeta's fingers entwined with mine. "I can't believe I'm nervous. It's not like it's our first time. It just feels that way, we're not facing death or injured."

"No cameras, no lying, no playing for the sponsors." I say and Peeta's eyes lock onto mine.

"I love you Katniss and I believe you when you say that you love me." I break the hold of our hands and lace them around Peeta's neck while his lock to my hips.

"You know I'm not a good liar, maybe it was the pain or sickness or the need to survive that made it so you didn't see but now the only thing between us is us. I love you, I accept that maybe I can finally let that back into my life. That I can love someone other than Prim."

I feel him pull me against him and I know that he believe my words are the truth. I am ready to accept that love could have a place in my life, that Peeta's the one who can give me that. With his gentle nature and kind heart. His lips brush mine and I feel something twist in my stomach and I let my lips part just enough for Peeta to slide his tongue in.

The kiss starts out warm and gentle and I moan when I am finally wrapped in the heat that I have come to know as Peeta's. I let my fingers twist into his soft curls and this earns me a moan. He breaks the kiss but his hands stay locked on my hips. "Are you sure Katniss?" I nod and he smiles.

He unties the belt at my waist and slowly unbuttons the blazer and slides it off my shoulders. Leaving me in a white tank top and the skirt. The way his eyes scan my body makes me bite my lip. I feel a bit bold so I reach behind me and unzip the shirt and let it fall to the floor, an orange pool at my feet.

I set out of the heels and Peeta pulls me forward. His fingers lock to my hem and the shirt glides up my torso and away from my body and I know why he's doing this he's still nervous about his leg.

I've seen it a few times now but the times we've made love Peeta's insisted on being under the covers but I'll let him do whatever makes him feel comfortable.

He sits down on the bed and sits me in his lap facing away from him. I can feel his hardness pressed into my bottom and I let out a small moan. He wraps a hand under my breasts and locks my body to his.

He places feather light kisses to my shoulders and up my neck. He gets to my ear and my moan grows louder when his tongue traces my ear. "I love you Katniss." I moan and try to find my voice when I feel his fingers skim the waistline of my pants.

"I love you too." I feel his smile as his fingers dip in and start running the length of my fold. I try to rock my hips but this only serves to push me into him more.

I feel the first which is quickly followed by the second. He sets a slow pace that draws every sensation out of me in long torturous pulls. "Say it Katniss." He still his movements and pushes his fingers in as deeply as they will go.

"Say it Katniss." He curls his fingers and I know I can't last much longer.

"I love you Peeta." With that he hits the spot and I come undone around his fingers. He pulls them out and sucks them into his mouth.

"Mmm...still sweeter then icing." I giggle and he he releases his hold on me. I turn and sit so that I'm facing him. I wrap my arms back around his neck and look into his bright blue eyes.

"Peeta. I don't care about your leg. I have you safe and alive and were you should be...with me. We survived the Games. We pissed them off but we showed them that we wouldn't be pieces. You protected me, and I protected you. That's what we do. Haymitch was right, I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve you."

I start to unbutton his shirt and then slide it off his shoulders. I place my hands over his heart and he covers mine with his. "This is the part of you they can never change. The part that I love because it's the part of you where you love me back."

I kiss his lips gently and I feel him moan into my mouth. "Katniss." My name is just a whisper but it sets my whole body on fire. I reach behind me and unhook my bra and throw it behind me. I see Peeta's turn up in a slight smile and I know he's starting to forget about his leg.

His hands cup and then knead and I know that he's completely over his thoughts now. I whimper as he pinches and rolls my nipples between his fingers. "Peeta, I want to...I need to...please." He laughs against my skin as he guides my body back so his lips have better access.

"I know what your doing..." I try to sound firm but it's hard to do when he's teasing my skin in such enjoyable ways.

"And you're letting me Katniss." He laughs and I sign because he's right so I use all my strength to push myself free of his body.

He pouts his lips and pretends to be hurt by my actions but I know better. I hold out my hands to give him the support to stand. I know he hates this but he's still not steady on his leg. Once he's standing he slips out of his shoes and I laugh.

"At least you'll never have to worry about tripping on your laces again." This gets a smile out of him. Now I feel like we are on a more level field. I let my fingers trail over the muscles of his chest and stomach. The last few days on the train and the few at the Capitol after our interview have help to fill us back out.

I let my eyes study the device connected to his leg. It seems to be a part of the flesh despite its metal parts. But if he can pick me up and carry me it has not effected his strength in any way and for all I know has added to it.

I am glad that Cinna and Portia fought to stop them from making any other changes to our bodies. I had heard the more desirable a Victor is the more the Capitol want to improve them, and we where very sought after.

"You're still perfect Peeta. Your heart and your eyes haven't changed." He raises an eyebrow and I smile.

"What about my eyes Katniss?" I roll mine and he laughs.

"They're just one of my favourite things about you." I brush a bit of hair out of his eyes and place a gentle kiss to his lips.

"So what are you favourite parts?" I lace my fingers into his hair.

"The things that make us so different. Your hair these warm blond curls. Your eyes...they're so blue, not like my mother or Prim's. Your are nothing but solid blue, like the sky. And then your lips...hmm...I think they might be the best part about you."

I kiss him and it's not the soft gentle ones we had been sharing. This one is deep and passionate and makes him pull me flush against his body. I break for air and I place my head back over his heart. "I love that I make this happen. It's only me who makes your heart jump like this."

He brings my hand to his lips and places a gentle kiss to my palm. "I love you Peeta. But I want to make love to you for real, no cameras, no death, no fear...just us." I hook my fingers into the waistband of my pants and slide them down my legs.

I see the change in his eyes and I smile because he didn't expect me to do this. I walk over and lay down in the center of the bed, I still feel like I'm no good at seduction or flirting and I that anything I do will be enough for Peeta.

He stands at the foot of the bed just looking at me. I hold my hands out to him and let my legs fall open in the way he positions them when he put them over his shoulders. He removes his pants and crawls up the bed toward me, his body between my legs.

"Katniss. I can't decide what I want more. I've still got your taste in my mouth and that make me want more. But I want to be inside of you, I want to hear you scream out in pleasure. How patient are you?"

I bite my lip and wonder that same thing. I let Peeta drape my legs over his shoulder and when his hot breath hits my core I almost come undone. "No letting go Katniss. You will finish with me inside of you."

With that he uses his tongue to push open my fold and I gasp as he swirls his tongue around inside of me. He keeps up this pattern of licking and swirling and sucking until I swear I can't hold on any longer.

He climbs up my body and I feel him, rock hard and positioned at my entrance. "Are you ready?" I nod my head and he pushes in me in one swift thrust. He cover my screams in a kiss that threatens to steal the air from my lungs.

He starts off slow and steady, taking moments to push in all the way and stopping...this drives me crazy and he knows it too. His breath is hot in my ear and it sends a jolt of sensation through my body.

"Do you really want one Katniss?" I know what he's asking and he knows I have reservations about it.

"Yes...with you. I want to have them with you." He smiles and places his hands on my hips and before I can protest he flips me over so that I am on top of him.

"Then lets's get to making a baby." I smile as I raise up and push down hard, this makes Peeta buck his hit up to met my thrusts. It only takes a few times and I feel Peeta's hands lock onto my hips as he sets a pace that mixes pain with pleasure until we both fall over the cliffs edge.

I lay with my head on his chest, our bodies a tangle of limbs and caked in sweat. "We should take a shower and get ready to go to the bakery." I laugh and raise my head to see him giving me a questioning look.

"I'll go first...you know what happens when we try to share water." I laugh again and walk into the bathroom. Leaving Peeta to his memories of that night.


	26. Victors Village 3

I don't know why I'm nervous. I've been trading with Peeta's father for years now, so it's not like I'm meeting him for the first time. It's his mother that I must be dreading. Everyone in District 12 calls her a witch, even Peeta doesn't deny it. I only hope that I don't loss my cool around her.

"Katniss, something's bugging you isn't it?" He stops walking and looks me in the eyes, when I try to duck my head he forces my chin up with his fingers.

"Is this about earlier? Katniss you aren't just some girl from the Seam. You're Katniss Everdeen, Victor of the 74th Hunger Games." He kisses me and I feel the stress seep from my pores.

We stand outside of the bakery and I don't want to go in, I want to grab Peeta and run back to our house in the Victor's Village or into the woods to my father's lake house. "It will be fine Katniss. Everyone will love you." I roll my eyes and Peeta just laughs.

We walk in and I can't help the moan that escapes my lips at the heavenly smell. Peeta wraps an arm around me and kisses my cheek.

"Should I be jealous of the buns Katniss?" I giggle and try in vain to swat Peeta away from me.

"You have no competition Mr. Mellark." Peeta smiles and whispers in my ear.

"Good Mrs. Mellark."

Peeta's father walks over and hug first Peeta then me. "Who would have guess District 12 has not one but two Victors in a Game and one is my son and the other the beautiful Ms. Katniss Everdeen." I blush and try to hide my face in Peeta's chest.

"Hope you kids are hungry. I put something special together for you." Peeta laughs and gives me a light squeeze.

"You could just feed Katniss the cheese buns and she'd be happy." I feel my blush rise again and I lightly hit Peeta on the arm.

"Well I've always known about Katniss' taste for them. I use to trade her father a rabbit for them." I smile because I remember my father bringing them home to me, he was always so excited about it. Peeta smiles and kisses my forehead.

"Rabbit is one of Peeta's favourite meat, but he likes your squirrel best." We both laugh and remembering a conversation on the train. We sit at the counter and Peeta hands me a bun. I take a huge bite that fills my cheeks.

"Manners Katniss." Peeta's impersonation of Effie is almost flawless. I swallow and retort,

"You're a Victor now. You must start like one." We both laugh and then we're called to the back by Peeta's father.

A small table is set with three chairs and I breath a sigh of relief. Good I won't have to face her today. We sit down to a simple dinner of ham, potatos, and beans...but I know for Peeta's father this is quite a costly meal. The conversations is light mostly stories about Peeta's childhood and his fascination with me.

"Thank you for dinner Mr. Mellark, it was wonderful." I laugh on the inside. Effie would be proud.

"Please call me Steven, your family now Katniss." I smile and see how Peeta's face lights up. "Before you two head off I have a gift for you." He walks into the back and returns with a foot long fork made of some kind of intricately weaved metal.

He hands it to me and I turn it over in my hands a few times. Then I notice the blush on Peeta's face.

"You know what this is?" He nods his head.

"It's a bread fork Katniss. There not usually this nice when they're used for baking, this one is for toasting."

"It's tradition in a bakers family that a father passes it on to his oldest son. This one is special, Peeta will be the first to use this one." I see a mixture of happiness and sadness on his face, and I remember Peeta saying that his father once wanted to marry my mother so he must of had this made for them.

We stand at the door saying our good byes, Peeta promising to come by in the morning to help. His father tells him to take a few days to settle in he can handle the work himself. We invite him to come by anytime for dinner or for a visit.

As we walk home Peeta holds the fork in one hand and me in the other. I feel sad for his father, who I believe still loves my mother. But I am happy that Peeta and I will be able to bring some happiness to him.

"We don't have to do it right away Katniss. Father just wanted to give us a present to celebrate our victory."

He doesn't want to rush me or maybe he is trying to give me time to run for my little home in the Seam never to return to the Victor's Village.

"I'm not running Peeta. I want to be here with you and nothing with change that."

This makes him smile because it's the truth. "I love you Katniss."

I stop and kiss him gently on the lips. "I love you too and tomorrow I'll go hunting and find us some rabbit and squirrel."


	27. Victors Village 4

I rise early and manage to slip out of Peeta's vice like grip without waking him. I stand in the shower which is just like the one in the Training Center, which I hated. Lucky for me Portia and Cinna left me with a list of shower setting.

I take a quick shower and wrap a towel around myself before stepping out of the bedroom. I braid my hair and dress in my new hunting gear. Nothing is quite as comfortable as my worn boots and my father's jacket but I have to admit that Cinna has yet again created a masterpiece.

I zip up the jacket and that when I see them, bright blue eyes fixed on the lines of my body. I turn and smile. "How long have you been pretending to be asleep?" He tries to give me a confused look that he knows I don't believe.

"Good morning to you too Katniss. If you must know I'll never get tired of seeing you standing there naked and wet." He smiles flirtatiously and I roll my eyes. I walk over and sit on the bed, he puts his head in my lap and wraps an arm around me.

"What are you hunting for today?"

"Meat for everyone, a few fat squirrels just for you, and maybe a turkey for Haymitch. I already flipped the coin, I lost."

"I know you did, I heard the very unladylike things that came with it. Effie would be shocked, you knew."

"Effie already knows I have no manners and no grace."

"She's never seen you hunt before. That's where the real grace is on full display." I lean down and kiss him before he lets me go.

I slip back through the fence with a full game bag to show for my morning in the woods. I'd managed to get enough for the Village and a few extra to take to the Hob.

Greasy Sae had been the one to take up a collection to help is during our Game so now that we have more money then we need we try to spread it around as much as we can. Peeta has started joining me on my trips and he brings them bread and cookies for Greasy Sae's grandkids.

I go home and prepare the meat for the Village. I take some to my mother and Prim before I go over to Haymitch's. When I arrive the house is dark and as usual smells like white liquor and vomit.

I find him in the kitchen passed out and sitting at the table with knife in one hand and a bottle in the other. I try to shake him and when that doesn't work I go over to the sink and find the pitcher.

I let the water run until it's quite cold and pour it right over his head and quickly step back. He swings and then realizes I'm there.

"Why the hell am I wet?" I roll my eyes.

"Cause I'm not as patient as Peeta." He laughs and takes a drink.

"You're not as nice or as pretty, sweetheart." I just smile.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"No, but I still look better then you." I throw my hands up.

"Come on lets get you cleaned up, I brought you a turkey and some rabbit."

I love the smell of my house at this time of day. The kitchen is a mess of bowls and cups and spoons. Flour covers the counter and the smells of fresh bread assault my nose. I slip off my boots and hang up my coat and make my way into the mess.

"Someone's been a busy boy, hasn't he?" Peeta looks at me and laughs.

"This from the girl who killed half a forest in one morning trip." I shake my head and brush it off playfully. I walk over and wrap my arms around him and rest my cheek against his back.

"You smell amazing Peeta." I feel his laugh and I smile.

"I have something in the oven for you, but I'm starting to think you're with me for my buns." I give his bottom a light squeeze and I hear him growl in response.

"I do like your buns but your breads good too."

"I could show you how to work it...the dough...if you'd like to try." I smile because this is Peeta's way of trying to let me into his world since he knows he can never be a part of mine and I know this hurts him.

"Good I've got some ready for you." I smile and walk over to the counter and put on the second apron. He brings a bowl with a fresh ball in it. He stands behind me and pins me to the counter weight of his lower body and I moan when I feel his hardness pressed firmly into my bottom.

I moan as his lips move up my neck, I let my head to the side to give him greater access. When he reaches my ear his breath is hot on my skin and it makes me shiver. "Making bread is like making love Katniss. I think of your body every time."

I feel him pull at the knot behind my neck as the apron is pulled away from my body. I bite my lip and wait for his next move. His hands snake up the back of my shirt and his fingers make quick work of the clasp of my bra.

I anticipating his next move but he shocks me by moving his hands down my back and in one fluid movement he removes my shirt and my bra. He reaches around me and flours the counter before turns the bowl over.

He reties the knot behind my neck and when I whimper his lips are at my ear, "It's all about feeling Katniss not sight, just close your eyes and let you fingers lead."

His hands slip under the apron and cup my breast. "Follow my leading Katniss."

His fingers begins to knead and drum and squeeze on my flesh in alernating patterns as his lips glide over my shoulders and neck. He removes his hands from my breasts and I want to protest but he doesn't give me a chance.

"You where a very...good...girl Katniss. Now it time for a little reward. Don't move." He unzips my hunting pants and hooks his thumps into waistband of my underpants and pulls until the material pools around my knees.

He wraps one arm under my breasts, pushing them up. I feel the middle fingers of his other hand glide over my folds. "Hold on to the counter Katniss." I grip the counter as Peeta guides my legs apart.

He slowly inserts one finger and lets it lightly probe at my folds. "Hmm...my girl on fire. Always so warm." I smile. I hated that name at first, hated the ways the Careers used it, but Cinna gave it to me and Peeta brought her to life so I can never truly hate it.

He slowly inserts a second finger and picks up his pace. I feel him rest his chest against my back as pushes his hardness against my bottom. I try to rock my hips against him but he slides his arm down and locks it around my waist.

"I said don't move Katniss." I feel him still his fingers, adds a third, and then pushes them in as far as they will go. He removes his arm from my waist but keeps his fingers inside of me. I feel him pull the tie from my hair and unbraid it.

After that he throws more flour on the counter. He releases his fingers and I whimper, this causes him to snicker. "I want you on the counter Katniss." I smile as he turns me around and lifts me on to the counter. "You're so beautiful Katniss, so warm and wet."

I feel Peeta slip in inch by inch and I want to scream because this always drives me crazy. I go to wrap my legs around his waist but he guilds them up his chest until my feet come to rest on his shoulders. He wraps his hands around my ankles and smiles.

"I love you Katniss. This something I've always had fantasies about doing. Having you naked and covered in flour, calling my name in those delicious ways you do, the smell of my favourite bread baking in the oven." I close my eyes and that when it hits me...cinnamon, nutmeg, and maple. I moan and he snickers.

"Wait until you taste it, you'll do more then moan Katniss...but that what I'm going to make you do right now." With that he pulls back before slamming back into me, he keeps this pace up then leans forward, bringing my legs with him and kisses me.

The angle this creates makes my boy ignite in fire that threatens to consume me whole. Peeta sets a pace that makes me grip the counter for support. A few deep thrusts is all it takes to push my body into the inferno I scream his name as every nerve in my body catches fire.

He sits me up and wraps me in his arms. "I love you Peeta." My voice sounds small and strained, rest my head into the crook that seems like it was made just for me.

"I love you too, my girl on fire." I laugh and press a kiss into skin.

"My boy with the bread."

I ringing causes Perta to pull away from me. "Let me get the bread out of the oven so it can cool then we can go take a shower." I shake my head but smile.

"We never get clean that way Peeta."

He places the loaf on a rack and I see the gleam in his eyes as he scan over my naked, flour covered body. "I didn't say we where going to get clean but we can't go to the Hob if you have flour in your hair."


	28. Victors Village 5

I feel strange going to the Hob, for the first time since the Games. It's also strange that I will be buying instead of trading. I know that the merchants pooled what little money they had to help us during the Games.

We gave a share to our families, ordered our supplies from the Capitol, and the rest we decided to spread around the District as much as possible.

"Are you sure that you want to go with me Peeta?" I realize that this is going to be his first experience with District 12's black market. He gives me a smile and bends down to kiss me on the forehead.

"Katniss, they sacrificed to help us. I have no problem sharing what we have with them."

We hit every store in the Hob, trading with some and buying from others. Peeta hands out the loaves of bread to every store owner. These are not made with ration grain bit from the refined grain they use in the richer Districts. Peeta is well received by everyone, this doesn't surprise me at all.

Our last stop is Greasy Sea's cart for a bowl of whatever she for the day. "I brought you some rabbit and a wild turkey." She smiles and pours us two bowls of beef and potato soup.

"Those Capitol people came with their fancy cameras wanting to talk to everyone about you Katniss, people here kept trying to send them to Gale. Guess he was too good looken a boy to be your best friend, so now they're your cousins. Stupid Capitol bullcrap if you ask me. We all know what he is..."

I can tell that Greasy Sae's ramblings are making Peeta uncomfortable, I put my hand on his thigh and rub small circles with my thump, this seems to calm him some. I pay her and add some extra, she fusses at me but I insist that it's for her grandkids and I won't take no for an answer.

As we're leaving I see Rory and he runs over to me and gives me a big hug. "Gale won't admit it but he misses you. Posy said Catnip one day and Gale almost lost it. He goes hunting on Sunday's you should talk to him them."

I hug him tighter and whisper in his ear. "Our spot Sunday like always." I whisper to low for Peeta to hear, Rory smiles and runs off.

"What did he mean about Catnip?" Peeta asks and I cringe.

"I don't want to talk about Gale, Peeta."

" Funny, you don't want to talk about him but you're going to see him this Sunday aren't you?" I feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"That's not fair Peeta. He's my...It's not...he's just."

"Just what Katniss?" I hear the edge in his voice and cringe again.

"He's Gale. I've been his Catnip since I was 12. That's what he thought my name was, I was so scared I could hardly talk. I thought he was going to kill me at first."

"Why would he have done that?"

"I was looking at a rabbit caught in a snare he set. He told me steal was punishable by death. After that I agreed to teach him to use a bow and arrow if he taught me too use a snare."

"Have you ever...done anything with him?"

For the first time I want to truly cause Peeta pain. I want to slap him across the face, just to shut him up, but then I remember his mother. I feel my fist clinches and opens and I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. The next words out of his mouth leave me speechless. "Go head hit me...I know you want to."

Yes I want to but instead of doing that I drop the bag and run to the Victor's Village. There are no more cameras, no more pretending. I don't have to justify anything to anyone. Most of all I don't have to justify whatever I may have with Gale to Peeta. Gale is mine, I am his, everything else is unacceptable. That's how it's always been.

I meant to go to my mother and Prim's house but I find myself standing instead on Haymitch's porch. I open the door because he never locks it. I go in and find him sitting at the kitchen table, knife and a white liquor bottle in front of him.

"Here to drown me, sweetheart?" I roll my eyes and pull up a chair. I reach across the table and grab the bottle.

"I'm here for a drink." He laughs and I take a swig. I have to force the first down and it burns like nothing I've ever tasted.

He reaches for the bottle but I hold tight to it. He produces a flask from his pocket and starts drinking. "You finally run that boy off? I knew it wouldn't last." I glare at him and take another swig.

"It's none of his business...who...who I'm friends with. It was...mine...I love him...Peeta. I do. I'm going to see Prim."

With that I stand up and after that I don't remember how I made it to my mother's house. I wake up wrapped in the vice grip of Peeta's arms.

"Hey." I close my eyes because even the dim light of the room hurts and bury my face in his chest.

"What happened?" He laughs and brushes a bit of hair behind my ear.

"From what Prim told me you came over here drunk, your mother gave you a tonic, brought you up here and you passed out."

"I am sure my mother was thrilled that her 16 year old daughter came over drunk." Peeta kisses my forehead and I cringe.

"Prim came to get me...you where screaming my name and saying things about the wolf mutts."

"You stopped screaming once you where in my arms...you where still talking though." I try to bury my head again but Peeta stops me.

"You kept saying 'Haymitch was right.' He wasn't right Katniss." He lifts my chin and makes me look at him.

"I came into your life and turned everything upside down. We where forced to do things to survive. If you don't want to stay I'll understand. If you want a life with Gale, I'll understand."

I feel the tear stream down my face and I see them reflected in his icy blue ones. Eyes I have grown to love as much as the boy who wears them. It may still be new but I won't let it be taken from me.

"Do you love him?" His voice is heavy with pain.

"No...I don't know."

"You said he was yours."

"It's been Gale and me since our father's died in the mines. Everyone just assumed before the games that..."

"You two would be together."

"Someday, down the road, when I decided to stop being guarded."

"The the Games happen, I messed up your life. I forced you to love me."

No I shake my head because he can't think this about himself. He's so different then Gale. Like fire and snow.

"He's goes on about the Capitol, how wrong they are, how unfair the Games are, that they should pay for the things they've done. I learned something in the Games, watching Rue die...putting an arrow through his neck, watching Tresh dash Clove's head in, ending Cato's suffering. I realized I had enough fire of my own."

I put my hand to his cheek and he leans into my touch. I feel his arms tighten around me and I presses my lips to his. The kiss is a slow and gentle one and I'm amazed when Peeta lets me deepen it.

"You're what changed me. You made me open up. I made you that promised in the Training Center, I thought it would be easy to keep because I thought we'd both die during the bloodbath. We lived, hell rained down on us and we lived. You don't remember it, the real moment I knew I loved you but I do."

"I saw you on that table, laying there pale and lifeless...all the doctors around you and all I could do was bang on that glass and scream your name. That's when I realized that if you died...I'd die too."

I kiss him but this time I feel that pull, the twist that comes before the void opens up and swallows me. " Let's go home Katniss."


	29. Victors Village 6

I've sat on this rock a million times it seems, but it's always too big without Gale's body to fill the space. My mind runs over so many thing, my life has changed so much in such a short time. Everything that once was is no more.

I had a tense night with Peeta after my drinking session with Haymitch. Once we got home I accused him of not trusting me. He has a habit of asking me the same questions he just changes the wording or pretends like he's never asked me before.

I realized he only does this with questions about Gale...he knew about Gale's nickname for me, he said something about it in the Training Center. We slept in the same bed last night and he held me like he always does but I felt cold and empty all night.

I left this morning without saying anything to him and all he said is I'll be here. I took my bow and arrows but I don't know if I will do any hunting today. I wrap my father's hunting jacket tighter around myself. I tuck my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around myself. I close my eyes and don't open them again until I feel him wrap an arm around my shoulder.

"Hey Catnip. You cold?" I release my legs and he pulls me into his arms. I tuck my head into his chest and I let out a sigh. I've spent so many Sunday mornings like this. Sitting on our rock, wrapped in Gale's arms before we start our hunt, but something feels wrong, hard and cold and wrong.

"We could still do it you know? Run away just you and I." I shake my head. "We might have made it five miles before, but now to many people who be hurt of we did Gale." He snorts and I look up at him. "By people you mean Peeta, right?"

I feel the anger well up in me and I push away from him. "No. For the first time since the second Quarter Quell, our District has a Victor...Victors. If I leave the Disrict looses everything. Our winnings help every shop owner in town, my mother can heal more people with better medicines. Even your family benefits Gale."

This stops him, makes him take notice. "How does it effect me?" I shake my head. "I didn't say you, I said your family. I offered Hazelle a job paying double what she makes for half the work." Gale raises his eyebrow. "Doing what?"

"She brings her wash to our house, we do if for her. In return we ask her to go over and clean up after Haymitch just the bottles and the mess, we still clean him up. She cooks him dinner. It takes some stress off of us."

"So you have my mother cleaning up after that drunk son of a..."

"Don't you dare. He's one of the reasons I'm alive right now."

"No Katniss you're the reason you're alive. You're the reason he's alive."

I know the 'he' is Peeta and I'm tired of fighting with him.

"He stole you from me. I hate him for it."

"What do you mean Gale, how did he steal me form you?"

"Because I loved you first, Katniss. I've been in love with you since I was 14. Since the day with the snare. You've never been scared to stand up to me. You're mine Katniss and the Capitol stole you."

"I belong to no one Gale. I'm not Peeta's and I'm not yours. I can l don't need a man. My mother fell apart when my father died...I don't want to end up like that."

"The Capitol doesn't own you Katniss, you won their Game. You're free now to do what you want, to be who you want. I loved you first." He steps up and cups my face in his hands and locks my eyes to his. I feel the fire under his touch the kind that threatens to consume everything in its path.

Under Peeta's touch I feel warmth the kind that melts the layers of cold, the warmth that calms my fears when I wake. Warmth that sparks a fire without causing an unstoppable inferno.

"I should have done this before the Reaping, maybe it would have changed something but I have to do it just once."

With that he leans down and captures my lips in a bruising kiss, a kiss that should make me happy. I kiss I've wondered about for years now. His hands move down to wrap around my waist and he pulls me flush against him. But everything is wrong.

He is solid and firm, strong and muscular from years of hunting but there it is again...the coldness, that sends a shiver through me but not the passionate ones that courses through me when Peeta kisses me. This shiver make me feel a hollow pain.

I break from the kiss because for the first time I want to run...run away from the one person who use to be my rock. I want to run through the woods, through the gap in the fence, stopping only when I reach my home in the Victor's Village.

I want to run to Peeta, fall into his arms and beg him to keep the promise to love me for as long as we love, and that's what I do. I break from Gale's arms and run.


	30. Victors Village 7

You could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him...these where Haymitch's words and everyday I feel like they become more and more true. I do not deserve him, I know this but I know that I will do everything I can to make him want to be with me. Even if it means dropping every guard and letting him have everything I never wanted.

Peeta's last words before I left where 'I'll be here when you get back' and as I turn the nob on the door I pray that those words are true. The air is still faint with the smell of garlic and dill and the smoke of a fire. I walk into the kitchen and see a small basket of buns. I smile because these are my second favourite of Peeta's buns.

I see a tube of paint next to the basket and I realize that this is Peeta's way of telling me where he is, the library which Portia choose as his painting room because of the natural light.

I walk up the stairs breaking off small pieces of a bun as I go. I get to the library and the door is closed. So he wants to know that I'm coming. I know that my footfalls are almost silent and in this house I make no sound at all.

I open the door and I cover my mouth in shock. He has set up the easel and canvas in front of the window and there he sits on his stool. He is working the outline of a painting.

In the sketch is two women, one faceing forward with her hands above her head and the other stands slightly sideways with her hands clasped behind her back.

I am shocked because both of these woman are me, the first is me on stage with Caesar Flickerman and the second is me standing on the roof of the Training Center.

I know from that first sketch that Peeta said it took him an hour just to get my face right. I have been gone just shy of four hours and it took at least an hour to make the bread.

I don't know if I should speak or wait for him, I didn't leave him on the happiest of terms so I decide to let him take the lead. A moment or two more passes in silence as his fingers work at the sketch.

"I wanted it to be you Katniss, my first painting. I've never had a real canvas before and you where so beautiful that day."

A sad smile works it's way to my lips. "You made me that way Peeta. It was your design that turned me into the Canvas of Panam."

I take a step into the room and close the door behind me, I won't run from this room and more importantly I won't run from Peeta.

I set the basket down on the desk next to the black box I know to be the paint case, just like the one Portia and the prep teams use. I walk over to Peeta and stand at arms length from him, I fingers itch to reach out and close the gab between us but I know that gap is not just a physical one.

Right now it's the emotional gap that bothers me. I still feel empty and cold from my encounter with Gale and I'm not sure how to brace this subject with Peeta or if I even want to.

He doesn't turn to face me still and I know why he is doing this. He wants to give me the chance to lie to him, or he doesn't want me to see the pain and hurt that I know is in his.

I suck up my pride and my fear and step forward and place my hands on his shoulders I feel him tense for a moment and he sets down the pencil.

His hands come up to cover mine and I feel the slight wetness that tells me he has been crying.

"Don't run this time Katniss." This breaks down whatever wall is left for me.

"Peeta...please." He signs and lets go of my hands. I step around so that I am standing between him and the painting. I put my hands on his face and I let my thumbs wipe at the tears.

His usually clear blue eyes are clouded with tears but the color is still so stunning.

"How long did it take?" I see a hint of a smile grace his face.

"So far an hour and a half...but I was just cleaning it up. I'm pretty much done."

"You still got it wrong Peeta, I'm still not that pretty." I place a gentle kiss to his lips, he doesn't reject the action but he also doesn't return it. I try to step away but his hands lock to my hips and hold me in place.

"You still don't realize the effect you have on me, do you Katniss?"

I do know the effect I just wish I didn't have it over every male in my life. I even seems to have an effect on Haymitch he just won't own up to it. I step closer and his arms wrap around me as mime lace around his neck.

"The thing is Peeta, I do know just how much of an effect I have on you. I left without a word and here you are sketching a painting of me and crying. I come home cold and empty and needing the only thing that drives it away."

I let my fingers lock around his curls and I hear the slight moan I know he wishes he could hide at this moment.

"I love you...not because of some promise but because you melt the layers of icy, you drive away the cold, you force me to open myself up...and that scares me. I'm not the beautiful girl in the fire dress. I'm selfish, and stubborn, and I run when things get to scary."

He tilts his head forward and our lips met in a kiss that make me want to moan, when I do he pulls me closer and I am finally wrapped in the warmth and comfort that I have been craving since I ran from Gale's arms.

"Was it better...with him?" I look at him and I realize that my eyes are an open book to Peeta.

"I don't want to talk about him." His lips twist and I can tell he's biting the inside of his cheek.

"But I want to Katniss...want to know if it was better being with him."

"Wait? What exactly do you think happened out there, Peeta?"

"I don't know Katniss...a part of me doesn't want to know, doesn't want to dwell on all the images that have been drifting in and out of my mind for the last few hours. But then I see you, kissing him and he's everything I can never be."

"What do you mean Peeta? You think I'd rather be with him because of his looks, is that it? Because he has the same hair, eyes, and skin as me and for that matter Haymitch. He was a kid from the Seam too. But that' s not your issue...your issue is the fact that every girl in school has a massive crush on Gale and the only girl he has wanted for the last four years has been me.

Gale said that I was his. That he loved me first but we both know that he's wrong, you've loved me since we where five. It took you eleven years to tell me that...it took him four. You made love to me...you are the only one who's ever done that so please, for both our sakes, get that idea out of your head.

I don't need him or you to survive. I could walk away from both of you and find a way to survive. The thing I can't do is walk away from you. I said I could survive but that's all I would do...survive. My life without you in it would be cold and empty, and that's what I felt when I kissed him, cold and empty and hollow. So I ran...I ran until I made it home to you. I belong her with you."

"I'm sorry Katniss, I should have trusted you. I should be more secure and..." I smile and he raises an eyebrow.

"You are so...hmm." I let my fingers work at the bottons of his shirt and when I reach the end I slide it off of his shoulders and let it hit the floor.

"Your both strong. You can carry a hundred pound sack of flour, Gale carried a hundred and fifty pound buck. You're both handsome. Gale's harder but you...I let my fingers trail along the set of his jaw and over his full bottom lip...I love because your strength comes with tenderness, and your beauty comes with a gentleness. Your warmth and strong, you chase away my nightmares and I don't think you even have them."

"I do have them..." He sighs and I wonder why he's never woken me. "but they're all about losing you. I wake up and my arms are wrapped around you, your head rested in the crook, and I know that everything ok." He kisses me and I know that all for the moment all is forgiven.


	31. Victors Village 8

I love the mornings that I wake up before Peeta, it's a selfish thing really but I don't care, I love watching him sleep. I love the messy curls that fall into his eyes, the slight pout to his lips, the way his hands reach for me when I'm not there, but my favourite thing is the whispered words. I can tell a dream from a nightmare by what he says.

He once told me that all his nightmare where about losing me and when he woke and I as in his arms he knew everything was alright. It seems I have an effect on him no matter the time of day.

Right now he's laying on his back...his broad chest and muscled stomach on full display in the moonlight. I've learned the he likes to sleep in just his boxer or a pair of sleep pants in the cooler months. He likes to have a window open because he like the noise. His body is positioned as if I was still in his arms, his right arm folded into a triangle to make me a pillow and his left draped across his chest...where my body usually is.

I watch as his lips move and I can tell that he's calling out my name a moment before his face distorts and I can see the pain in the set of his jaw. I crawl up the bed and straddle his waist.

"Peeta...Peeta." I call his name lightly and his hands come up searching for me. He grips my waist and that's when I see his eyes open. Flawless blue, made more beautiful by moonlight.

I wipe a sweat matted curl from his face as I feel his body relax under me. "Katniss." My name is a long drawn out whisper and it send a shiver through my body. I lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his lips, he pulls me down and hold me to him. His heart is still racing and I hover my lips over his ear.

"You're safe...I'm here...I love you." He moans and his hands slide down my body and grips onto the hem of my sleep shirt, which is actually one of his white baking shirts. "Say it again."

I smile and let my finger trace his bottom lip. "I love you. I love you." I know that he's had another nightmare of Rue's wolf mutt attacking me or of me with Gale. When he pulls up on the shirt I know it's the latter. His fingers knead at the skin of my breasts and his eyes lock on mine.

"You're mine Katniss?" I roll my hips forward and his eyes close for a moment. "My Katniss. Only mine?" I reach into his boxers and let my fingers wrap around him then begin to lightly pump him.

"Yes Peeta...only yours." I am rewarded with a flash of white teeth and I return his smile.

I pull his boxers part of the way down his legs and he kicks them the rest of the way off. I settle over him and his hands return to my hips as he guilds me inside. He holds me there and I know that he does this because he knows it drives me crazy.

"No one loves you more than me Katniss." I nod my head and try in vain to buck my hips which only causes him to tighten his grip and push me down harder. I have come to allow these moments, I swallow the stubborn pride and don't shoot back because the truth is I do belong with Peeta.

I wrap my fingers around his wrists and try to guild them to my breasts. He lets them slide up my sides and I moan when they start to knead at the skin. Peeta gets along well with Buttercup, I think it's the kneading, because that awful thing is a lump of happy fur in his hands.

He reach one of his hands up and pulls the tie from my hair before his fingers make quick work of unbraiding it. He runs his fingers through and gives my hair a playful tug that makes me moan. He pulls me forward and crushes my lips to his. The kiss is bruising and his hands stay laced into my hair.

We start a tempo that has become our own, a perfect flow of heat and fire. We rise and fall, burn and cold until we both reach a place of peace. My head finds that crook and I press a kiss into the skin before I let my eyes fall close. I feel his arms wrap around me and his lips place a gentle kiss to my crown.

"Happy Birthday Peeta." I feel him smile as he continues to place kisses along my hair line.

"I never thought my wish would come true." I smile this time because he's about to say something cheesy and romantic.

"What was your wish?"

"To have you in my arms, to hold you every night, to be able to love you."

I kiss him and his hand gently cups my cheek. "You weren't a normal kid Peeta."

"Not when you're in love with an Everdeen." I roll my eyes and he laughs, pulling me tighter against him.

"Where did you go earlier? I woke up and you where gone."

"I had to go get your present, I was hiding it at my mother's."

"What is it?" I roll my eyes again and poke him in the ribs.

"Let's go take a bath and then I'll let you try it."

Sharing a bath is almost as hard as sharing a shower. Once we're done we dress for the morning and go down stairs. I have a special dinner planed for tonight and I can only hope that Haymitch is at least partly sober tonight.

I sit Peeta down at the counter and make us a quick breakfast of eggs, rabbit meat and some cinnamon rolls. We eat in silence and when we're done I quickly wash the dishes while Peeta finishes his juice.

"Thanks for breakfast Katniss. Did my father bring over the rolls?" I smile and he raises an eyebrow.

"Where they good?" I ask and I try to keep my face neutral.

"They where amazing." I can't help the smile and now Peeta knows that somethings going on.

"I made them. I went to the bakery and your father said that you always had them on your birthday so he said he would teach me how to make them."

"Any other surprises Katniss?" He kisses me and I let my hands find there way into his hair.

"Yes but you have to wait for tonight at the party." He runs his tongue alone my ear and I moan.

"We have to go to the station and pick up our guests." He nips at my earlobe and tightens his grip around my waist.

"They know where we live Katniss." I sigh.

"You know how Effie is about rudeness." With that he reluctantly releases me.

There is no one else at the train station so the small platform is empty. We are celebrating Peeta's birthday at home and we will celebrate mine after the Victory Tour. We have invited Effie, Cinna, and Portia...along with Haymitch, Peeta's father and my mother and Prim.

The train pulls into the station and as always the first one out is Effie. As usual she is dressed in an outlandish outfit. Her hair is a pale pink and worn in long loose curls and her dress is the same shade and seems to be made out of butterflies, as always she has one ridiculously high heels.

"Katniss , Peeta how lovely to see you again. Thanks so much for the invitation." She kisses us both and informs us that the others will be along in a moment. Cinna helps Portia exit the train.

I hold out my hands just as I did before launch. Cinna takes them and places a kiss to my forehead. "You look lovely Katniss. Happiness agrees with you." I smile and Peeta's arm wraps around my waist.

"He's right Katniss. You both look so happy. It's wonderful to see." She kiss both of my cheeks and smiles with her unnaturally white teeth.

We walk back to the house and I get everyone settles into the living room before walking over to the kitchen counter and flipping the coin. "Damn it." I hiss.

"Katniss!" Effie shrieks and Peeta laughs loudly which earns him a disapproving look from Effie.

"Did you lose again Katniss?" I walk toward the door. "That coin hates me as much as Buttercup."

When I return to the house my mother is talking with Peeta, who is holding a very pleased Buttercup, and Steven. Cinna is showing Prim what mist be his sketches for the tour. Portia and Effie are no where to be seen and Haymitch is picking at one of my cinnamon rolls. I walk over to Peeta and Buttercup hisses. "I don't like you either."

"Shall we start dinner now. We have a busy night planned." I smile as Effie and Portia appear.

"The painting are fantastic Peeta. You're quite talented." So they've been in the library.

"Come come now everyone. Dinner is ready." Effie announces.

Dinner is simple...wild turkey with a bread stuffing, potatos, and some roots and greens I found during my last hunt. I let my hand rest on Peeta thigh and I let my lips hover over his ear.

"Are you ready for your surprise Peeta?" He nobs his head. "Good I'll be right back."

I walk into the kitchen and take his surprise from the fridge and head back into the dinning room. Prim is standing behind Peeta and when she sees me she puts her hands over his eyes. "Katniss said no peaking."

I set it down in front of him and everyone at the table starts ohhing and aweing.

"Can I see it now little duck? Prim giggles and uncovers his eyes. The cake is Peeta's favourite color of pale orange and the sides are decorated with pale green vines.

Peeta looks to his father. "Wow, it's perfect. Thank you."

Steven smiles at me and I smile back. "I didn't make it Peeta. You should really be thanking someone else." Peeta looks confused and I smile wider.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, "Happy Birthday." He smile.

"You made this Katniss?" I nod and watch as Haymitch almost falls out of his chair.

"You made that, sweetheart!" I roll my eyes and laugh.

"Haymitch you haven't put my buns down since you got here."


	32. Victors Village 9

There's a tradition here in District 12 called The Toasting. After the wedding the friends and family walk the newlywed couple back to their house. The groom pick up the bride and carries her over the threshold of their house, they build their first fire, toast a piece of bread and feed it to each other. No one in District 12 feels truly married until they have done this.

I agreed to love Peeta Mellark for as long as we where alive, but at the time that I made this promise I thought that life would only last a few more day. I thought we would die in the bloodbath...maybe we would make it a few days after that, but I was sure at that time that the arena of the 74th Hunger Games would be the place where I would meet the end of my life.

But here I am, no, here we are...Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark, Victors of the 74th Hunger Games, The Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12.

I hear the shower shut off and I know that in just a moment Peeta will emerge from the bathroom naked except for the towel around his waist and that thought excites me.

Yes, The Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12 became lovers for real. In the beginning that love was a tool for me, a means to survive. I didn't plan to win the Games and I really didn't plan for both of us to win. I try to decide at which point it stopped being an act and became something real.

In the end I realize that I may never truly know the moment but I also realize that I don't care. Because I know this to be the truth...

I am Katniss Everdeen. He is Peeta Mellark. We are Victors of the Hunger Game. He loves me. I love him. Nothing can change that.

"Hey, beautiful." He arms wrap around me and I can feel the beads of water press into my shirt from his chest and the drops from his still slightly wet hair. "Hey handsome." He laughs and I know it's because he doesn't believe me, because he still thinks that his leg makes him less attractive, but it doesn't.

I watch his eyes as they scan over my body, I can see them grown darker and I know the things that are running through his mind as he tightens his grip on my waist. "I remember how it felt to do your hair that day, I was so excited just to touch it...now it's so different...because I've touched every part of you."

"So I don't get you excited anymore." I turn up my lips in a pout and I see Peeta smile as he pushes against me. "I never said that Katniss and I know you can...feel...differently. Now be a good girl and let me braid your hair."

He sits me down at the vanity, a present from Effie. It's mahogany just like the rest of the wood in this room. I think of the day I stabbed the knife between Haymitch's fingers and Effie was horrified because she seems to have a love for it.

Peeta picks up the brush and runs it almost reverently through my hair. All my brushes and such where a gift from Portia, they are all beautiful stained metal that reflects a rainbow of colors.

Peeta's fingers follow the brush as they comb and lace, twist and pull. When he's done my hair is in the elaborate braid from my interview, the only thing missing is the katniss flowers.

"You look beautiful...and not because I made you that way. You want me to see the bad in you, but in the end there is just too much good in you. I love you Katniss." I feel the tears that threaten to fall and I stop them before they do.

I lace my hands around his neck and his rest on my hips, this embrace is a comfort like no other for me. I feel his warmth and I am all at once connected to every beat of his heart. I reach up on my tip toes and place a gentle kiss to his lips.

I have expressed my hesitations about commitment, the idea of things like marriage and kids...and how Victor's children are more desirable and more likely to be called for the Reaping, how I don't think I can be a good mother and that I fear becoming like my own...shutting down if something ever happened to him.

"Katniss...you grow and each day you strip away a little bit of the old you and you become something different, strong but different. Better...I have hope and confidence that once a baby is growing in here,"

He places his hand on my stomach right over my belly button. "your instinct to protect will take over...you will protect it from every harm you can and you'll be there to hold them when you can't protect them. You're going to be an amazing mother Katniss. Now we should get going if we're going to make it to his spot you've picked out."

I have never taken anyone to this spot, my little 'house'by the lake, but I think that this is the perfect place to do this with Peeta. It takes longer to get there with him than it would if I was alone but I don't care. We reach the edge of the clearing and I stop him.

"I never told you why it had to be this place Peeta." I take his hand in mine and give it a slight squeeze. We walk through hand in hand and I feel him her stronger then any other time. "It's beautiful Katniss." I smile and he wraps his arm around my waist.

"My father would bring me here not to hunt but just to spend time with me. He taught me how to swim in the lake, we'd have a picnic in that little house. I'm happiest here that's why it had to be here."

He kisses my forehead and rest my head into my crook and for a moment we stand there in silence. "Let's go for a swim Katniss the water looks great." I smile because swimming for Peeta has nothing to do with how pretty the water is and more to do with seeing me naked and wet.

He steps in first and holds his hands out to me. "The water's just like you...warm and wet and perfect." I roll my eyes and he laughs as I step in and take his hands. He pulls me flush against him and captures my lips in a bruising kiss.

"Wow that was quite a kiss." I rest my forehead against his, not wanting to break too far from his lips. "Is there anything you're not good at Katniss?" I giggle. "That was all you Peeta. You always make every kiss so..." I moan and his arms pull me closer.

"You make so happy. Every time I kiss you I just want to strip you down to the core, until it's just you...my Katniss...not the tough girl who holds everyone together, or the stubborn willful girl who has to put up guard, not the hunter who provides for a District.

My Katniss...the girl who trusts me with her body, let me hold her when she wakes from a nightmare, spent weeks learning to frost just to make a day special. You lay beside me and you let me touch the deepest, sometimes darkest, parts of you. You love me and that makes me proud. My Katniss who made my greatest dream come true."

I hope that my dripping hair will cover the tears that I know are streaming down my face and I know that I am not as good as Peeta is with words and I will never be able to say anything close to that, but I have to try...just not here. I lace my arms around his neck and he smiles as his arms lock around my waist. "I love you too Peeta...lets go inside."

We dry off and dress in our packed clothes. I change into a long cap sleeved white tunic top with a million tiny gems that make the top shimmer like the candle light of my last interview dress, and white pants that I found in a silver wrapped box in my closet. The note said 'For a special moment. We always betting on you both. Love Cinna &Portia'

Peeta lifts me into his arms and I can't stop the giggle that escapes my lips. "You don't have to carry me...we don't live here Peeta." He kisses my forehead and laughs. "No we don't but when we make love here for the first time you'll be my...wife. So I want to do something you'll never forget."

The house is just a single room, nothing more. Stone walls, a fireplace, and a small table with two chairs. My father fashioned a broom out of pieces of wood and it sits next to the door. I use it to sweep off a space for us to lay down the blanket for our picnic.

I sit in the center and Peeta sits behind me, wrapping his legs and arms around me. I lay my head back against his shoulder and his lips find there way to my neck as he places gentle, feather light kisses to my skin. "I can't wait to take you home and paint you wearing this dress, shining like a million stars, sitting in your favourite spot."

We weave the wood and tinder together and take out the matches, we each light one and together we hold them to the fire and watch it light. We warm up a squirrel and vegetable stew that I made the night before and we eat in a comfortable silence Peeta's arm wrapped around my waist.

We finish and I take the small package from the basket. Inside is a cheese bun and a cinnamon bun. One of the good things about being with Peeta is there is always good bread in the house so we decided to use our favourites.

I put the buns on the fork and Peeta puts his hands over mine as he guilds the fork through the fire. We set the buns on the small table to cool and I lead him back to the blanket. I sit on my knees facing him and I take a deep breath. "My turn now...I'm not as good as you but here goes." He smiles and covers my hands with his.

"I love you and at first it was easy to promise forever, because we where suppose to die in the arena but we didn't, we fought and kept each other going. I protected you and you protected me because that's what we do. I've spent the last few months learning to live with the I promised to give you. It went from an acted to something I can't go a day without. You're my rock, my shelter, the one who loves me no matter what. I'm just sorry it took us so long to become an us. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

I stand and pull the still warm buns from the fork and carry them over to the blanket and sit down. I hand the cheese bun to Peeta and hold the cinnamon bun in mine as we twist our arms together.

"Forever I love you and only you Peeta Mellark."

"Forever I love you and only you Katniss...Katniss Mellark."

His smile is so wide and I can see the light in his eyes blaze like the sun as he says my name and I realize that this is just another to add to the list of moments that I feel in love with him, and him with me. We bite into the bread and we both have tears streaming down our faces.

"No you're wrong Katniss...you're ever good at that. So I know there's nothing you're truly bad at...but I have a surprise for you to make this the perfect moment. He riffles through the bag an pulls out a small pale green box that I didn't see in the basket until now.

"They created a special compartment in the bottom so I could hide this in there. "Don't open it until I tell you." He hands me the box and covers it with his hands.

"I designed this the same time I came up with your dress. I honestly didn't plan to be alive to give this to you. I had told Portia to have it made for you if you won and I died. When we both made it out I gave it to them and they said they would have it made...they added there own touch to the band. I hope you like it Mrs. Mellark."

He removes his hand and I open the box and I gasp at what is before me. The ring is stunning and unique and perfectly me. There is a bow made of silver, in the center is a diamond nestled in the petals of a primrose flower. The band is a weave of vines.

"It's perfect I love it but I love you more." He smiles and slips it on my finger. "I love you too Katniss Mellark. Now can I please make love to my wife?"

I smile and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with a passion that makes the hunger rise inside me.


	33. Catching Fire 1

AN: Please take a moment to review the story and throw a girl's name into the EverLark babies Reaping bowl.

My heart almost stops when I see two Peacekeepers stand on my front porch. "Katniss Everdeen?" The taller one asks.

"Yes." Is all I can manage to say.

"Please fallow me."

It feels very odd to me lead through your own house and the feeling of unease grows with every step. He stops me in front of the door to my favourite room in the house the library that also serves as Peeta's studio.

I turn the handle to the door and I am hit with the conflicting smells of overly perfumed roses and blood. I see a regal looking man sitting behind the large wooden desk in the center of the room. The only time this desk truly gets used is when Peeta is working on a sketch or Prim is doing some school work, if I am in here I always sit in the window set.

This man seems somewhat familiar to me but I can't place him. He is reading a book and holds a finger up in a manner that says, "I'll be with you in a moment." He sets the book down and that when I come face to face with the snake like eyes of President Snow.

In my mind, President Snow should be viewed in front of marble pillars hung with oversized flags. It's jarring to see him surrounded by the ordinary objects in the room. Like taking the lid off a pot and finding a fanged viper instead of stew. What could he be doing here?

My mind rushes back to the opening days of other Victory Tours. I remember seeing the winning tributes with their mentors and stylists. Even some high government officials have made appearances occasionally. But I have never seen President Snow. He attends celebrations in the Capitol. Period.

If he's made the journey all the way from his city, it can only mean one thing. I'm in serious trouble. And if I am, so is my family. Because I outsmarted his sadistic Hunger Games, made the Capitol look foolish, and consequently undermined his control.

"You have very lovely home Ms. Everdeen, you two seem to share the space well." He smiles and I want to vomit. "Where is Mr. Mellark, this afternoon?" Peeta, oh God if I am in danger he may be as well...never though the berries where my idea.

"He's next door delivering some bread to our mentor." I hope that this answer satisfies him enough to change the subject away from Peeta.

"I have a problem, Miss Everdeen," says President Snow. "A problem that began the moment you pulled out those poisonous berries in the arena." That was the moment when I guessed that if the Gamemakers had to choose between watching Peeta and me commit suicide, which would mean having no victor, and letting us both live, they would take the latter.

"If the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, had had any brains, he'd have blown you to dust right then. But he had an unfortunate sentimental streak. So here you are. Can you guess where he is?" he asks. I nod because, by the way he says it, it's clear that Seneca Crane has been executed. The smell of roses and blood has grown stronger now that only a desk separates us.

There's a rose in President Snow's lapel, which at least suggests a source of the flower perfume, but it must be genetically enhanced, because no real rose reeks like that. As for the blood ... I don't know. "After that, there was nothing to do but let you play out your little scenario. And you were pretty good, too, with the love-crazed schoolgirl bit. The people in the Capitol were quite convinced. Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for your act," he says.

My face must register at least a flicker of bewilderment, because he addresses it. "This, of course, you don't know. You have no access to information about the mood in other districts. In several of them, however, people viewed your little trick with the berries as an act of defiance, not an act of love. And if a girl from District Twelve of all places can defy the Capitol and walk away unharmed, what is to stop them from doing the same?" he says. "What is to prevent, say, an uprising?"

I lift my hand to brush at a loose bit of hair and I pray that my hand is not shaking. I hear President Snow made a sound I would swear was a hiss. "What is that Ms. Everdeen?" It hits me the moment I lower my hand.

"My ring? It was a present from Peeta." I smile and the thought of him being in this room makes me sick and I will not wish to share the intimate details of my life with Peeta with him but this seems to make him happy because that sickening smile is back on his face.

There is a knock on the door and I want to jump out of my seat. The taller Peacekeeper steps in. "President Snow Mr. Mellark would like to know if you'd like tea?" He nods and I am instantly overcome with fear. "Yes send him in."

Peeta walks in with my mother's china tea set, a wedding gift to her from my father. She gave it to me when she learned of Peeta's fondness for tea. The tray has cream and sugar as well as a plate of his cookies. He sets the tray down on the desk and stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders. I can't help but relax under his touch and I let my eyes close for a moment.

I notice the glint of Peeta band and I feel my lips threaten to turn up in a smile. I had called Cinna and asked him fashion a matching band for Peeta. It arrived two weeks later on the supply train. I see that President Snow has taken notice of it as well.

"Effie would never forgive my manners if I didn't offer you something...we have coffee or I could make you something to eat, if you'd like." Peeta is so calm and relaxed and as always he handles the room with a tact that I have yet to master.

"No this is quite lovely. So nice of you to consider that even President's have to eat. I was just having a chat with your lovely lady." I want to run, grab Peeta and run and hide us somewhere safe...far away from this snake.

"Can you give us a moment to finish our chat in privacy Mr. Mellark? I promise to return her in one piece." Peeta reluctantly release my shoulders and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Your stylist turned out to be prophetic in his wardrobe choice." His words snap me out of my daze and I look back into his cold snake eyes. "Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, you have provided a spark that, left unattended, may grow to an inferno that destroys Panem," he says

"I didn't mean to start an uprising. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing him. I truly love him...it just took me longer. I'll make sure that every district believes that I did it because I was madly in love then and still am now."

President Snow rises and dabs his puffy lips with a napkin. "Aim higher in case you fall short, Ms. Everdeen."

"What do you mean? How can I aim higher?" I ask confused by his request. "Convince me" he says. He drops the napkin and retrieves his book. I don't watch him as he heads for the door, so I flinch when he whispers in my ear. "By the way, I know about the kiss with your 'cousin'." Then the door clicks shut behind him.

The smell of blood ... it was on his breath. What does he do? I think. Drink it? I imagine him sipping it from a teacup. Dipping a cookie into the stuff and pulling it out dripping red.

Outside the window, a car comes to life, soft and quiet like the purr of a cat, then fades away into the distance. It slips off as it arrived, unnoticed. The room seems to be spinning in slow, lopsided circles, and I wonder if I might black out.

I lean forward and clutch the desk with one hand. The other still holds Peeta's beautiful cookie. I think it had a tiger lily on it, but now it's been reduced to crumbs in my fist. I didn't even know I was crushing it, but I guess I had to hold on to something while my world veered out of control.

A visit from President Snow. Districts on the verge of uprisings. A direct death threat to Gale, with others to follow. Everyone I love doomed. And who knows who else will pay for my actions? Unless I turn things around on this tour. Quiet the discontent and put the president's mind at rest. And how? By proving to the country beyond any shadow of a doubt that I love Peeta Mellark.

"Katniss...Katniss...come back to me." I hear his gentle voice as it tries to pull me from the hellish nightmare in my head. Peeta's hands pulls me up from the chair and into the warm embrace of his arms. "I don't know...I can't figure out how to...I'm so selfish...stupid and...reckless and...I don't deserve you." I see the tear stains on Peeta's shirt and I realize I've been crying.

"That's not true Katniss. You do deserve me, I love you so very much. No one is going to change that. You love me."

I hear President Snow's request ring in my ears.

"I tell you that I love you and you believe it right don't you?"

"We had a toasting Katniss we said our vows and we made a promise to love each other. It was real for me and I know it was real for you too because you're different." I look into his beautiful crystal blue eyes and all I see is love and trust and not question.

"How am I different Peeta? Is that good?" He cups my face is his hands and his thumbs stroke my cheeks I relax and he smiles.

"When I touch you I see the way your body relaxes. The way you move into my touch...you trust me enough to know that I would die before I hurt you." He slides his hands down my throat, over my collarbone and when he reaches my breasts he gives them a light squeeze. I moan and my hips buck forward.

"You don't run from me anymore, you run to me. You open up and you let me...you give me the darkest parts of you...you share your nightmares with me and you let me hold you, kiss you, and most of all male love to you. I have a part of you that belong to only me and that is something I will always make me smile."

I feel the blush creep into my cheeks and it seems silly that it's even there. I have made love to Peeta so many time I've lost count. We made love in front of the entire nation of Panam during the Games...this wasn't enough to convince Snow? What more do I have to do? Marry Peeta for real? Have his child and let it be broadcast to every house?

I push all these thoughts aside and focus on the fact that Peeta's managed to unzip my pants and his fingers are lightly probing my folds while his lips find my ear. "He may have kissed you once but I make love to you every night." His finger dips in quickly and I moan as my body rocks against him.

He slips in a second finger and runs his tongue along the shell of my ear. "You're my wife Katniss. No one can take that from me...no one can take you from me." With that he curls his fingers and I grab his wrist as I ride out the waves of pleasure that it me.

He pulls his fingers out and slides them into his mouth. "Hmm still sweeter than icing . Let's take a nice long hot bath together before our prep teams come and tear us apart." I smile and we make our way to our bedroom.


	34. Catching Fire 2

The day is a blur of getting us to the station, bidding everyone good bye, the train pulling out, the prep teams, Peeta and me, Effie and Haymitch, Cinna and Portia.

The last thing we did before going to the train station was give a camera crew and a reporter from the Capitol a guided tour of our house. I wanted to be sick as I lead them through every room. My home has become a safe heaven for Peeta and me, we can shut ourselves up and push the rest of the world away.

We have a dinner that I ate but don't remember, I spent the whole time focusing on the soothing designs that Peeta drew into the flesh of my thighs. We go to a plush sleeping car, Effie threw a bit of a fit about us sharing it, about how inappropriate it was, but I just took Peeta's hand and walked off.

I stand looking out the train window watching everything pass by at 200 miles an hour. I let out a sigh and I feel his strong arms wrap around me, I tilt my head and find the crook of his neck. "I know you hate this Katniss but you have me here next to you." I smile and press a kiss into his skin. "That's the problem, I don't want us to be here...I just want to be home in our bed away from the eyes of Panam." He kisses my forehead and I relax instantly.

We know Haymitch will be up for hours. He doesn't like to sleep when it's dark out so when the train seems quiet, we slip out of our car and walk to his. I have to knock several times before he answers, scowling, as if he's certain we've brought bad news.

"What do you want?" he says, nearly knocking me out with a cloud of wine fumes. "We have to talk to you," I whisper.

"Now?" he says. We both nod and walk into the car.

"This better be good." He waits, but I feel certain every word we utter on a Capitol train is being recorded. "Well?" He barks.

The train starts to brake and for a second I think President Snow is watching me and doesn't approve of my confiding in Haymitch and has decided to go ahead and kill me now. But we're just stopping for fuel.

I look to Peeta and then to Haymitch and then to the ring on my finger, Peeta and our stylist's gift to me...all people I love who could be hurt or worse if I don't pull this off.

"The train's so stuffy," I say. It's a harmless phrase, but I see Haymitch's eyes narrow in understanding. "I know what you need." He pushes past us and lurches down the hall to a door. When he wrestles it open, a blast of snow hits us. He trips out onto the ground.

A Capitol attendant rushes to help, but Haymitch waves her away good naturedly as he staggers off. "Just want some fresh air. Only be a minute." I give her a smile and try to keep my voice light. "Sorry. He's drunk," Peeta says apologetically. "We'll take care of him."

We hop down and stumble along the track behind him, my slippers with snow and Peeta limping slightly because the snow makes his leg hurt, he leads us beyond the end of the train so we will not be overheard. Then he turns on me.

"What the hell, sweetheart." I launch into my story telling him about Snow's visit, everything that was said, every threat that was made, and ask him what we should do.

His face sobers, grows older in the glow of the red tail lights. "Then you can't fail." Leave it to Haymitch to give me the simplest of advice.

"If you could just help me get through this trip..." I begin.

"No, Katniss, it's not just this trip," he says.

"What do you mean?" I say.

"Even if you pull it off, they'll be back in another few months to take us all to the Games. You and Peeta, you'll be mentors now, every year from here on out. And every year they'll revisit the romance and broadcast the details of your private life, and you'll never, ever be able to live a private life...they will be there."

The full impact of what he's saying hits me. I will never be allowed to live alone in peace with Peeta. Our lives will forever be lived in the Capitol spotlight. We'll have to marry for real, our children's lives will be documented as will our personal lives. We will have to convince Snow until the day he draws his last breath. Maybe after that too.

We walk back to our room in silence. Haymitch shocks me by taking me into his arms and giving me a squeeze. "Just trust the boy. He won't lead you wrong." He kisses my cheek and the fumes hit me like a ton of bricks. Peeta opens the door and pulls me in.

He helps me out of the wet clothes before removing his own. I feel his chest press against my back and his arms wrap around me. "I love you Katniss. We'll find a way I promise."

He tilts my head and kisses down my neck. I know what he's trying to do...and for the moment I'll let him get away with it. I turn in his arms and wrap one arm around his neck and the other I slide down his chest until my fingers graze over him.

"Katniss..." my name falls from his lips in a whispered hiss. I let my thump roll over his slit and this earns me a moan and a buck of his hips. I brush my lips against his as my fingers begin to lightly pump.

"I love you Peeta..." he moans at my actions and I smile. "I do know the effect I have on you, I can feel it in my hand." I give him a hand pump and this causes an animal like growl to rip from his lips.

I lift one leg and he cups his hand under my knee cap as I guide him to my entrance. He trusts forward and enters me in one movement. I dig my nails into his shoulder and he lifts my other leg.

He surprises me by not carrying me to the bed, instead he takes two steps forward and slams me down on the low chest of drawers. My back makes sharp contact with something and there's a sting.

He stops and his eyes grow wide. "Don't stop." I hiss and drag my nails down his back. This earns me that animalistic growl that sends a jolt of current through my body. His trusts are hard and my breath comes in short bursts.

"I...love...you Katniss." His words are laboured as he trusts harder and I feel the room start to spin as I feel myself come undone. I rest my head on his shoulder and he runs his hand down my back and that's when the pain hits me.

He pulls away and his hand is dotted with small red drops. He helps me off the dresser and turns me around. "Oh God Katniss...I'm sorry."

I see the break in mirror and the small cuts that line my back. There's no glass in my skin just the small cuts. "I'm ok Peeta. I'm not hurt. Just need to get cleaned up." I kiss his lips lightly and he sighs.

We crawl into bed, Peeta lays on his back and I curl into his side resting my head on his folded arm. I let my finger draw light patterns over his chest. I love the baby fine pale blond hair. "I kiss the place over his heart. "I love you Peeta Mellark." This gets me a smile and he brings my left hand to his lips, he kisses the palm and then my ring. "I love you too Katniss Mellark."

Morning comes and we're managed to get a few hours sleep. Effie's knock comes with the chime that we have a "big, big, big day" ahead of us. We dress comfortably and head out to breakfast. I frown when I see that it's only Peeta, Effie, and myself for breakfast. "Where is everyone?" I ask as I sit next to Peeta at the table.

"Oh, who knows where Haymitch is," says Effie. I didn't really expect Haymitch, because he's probably just getting to bed. "Cinna was up late working on organizing your garment car. He must have over a hundred outfits for you. Your evening clothes are exquisite. And Peeta's your team is probably still asleep."

Peeta requires far less grooming than I do so of course his team can sleep in. I roll my eyes and Peeta smiles at me. "I like you better when we're at home but you're always beautiful to me." I raise my hand to his face and I hear Effie gasp.

"Katniss!" I usually cringe on the inside when she says my name in that tone. It usually mean I've done something wrong but this time I hear something different in her tone. "When where you going to tell us? How rude of you to keep such secrets."

I stare at her confused until I realize that this is the first time she has seen my ring. "It was a gift from Peeta. We're not legally married Effie." I want to say that we will be if President Snow has anything to stay about it. I would have been more than happy with just our Toasting and I would have been happy to stay with Peeta without someone like Snow dictating the terms.

"Of course not! Heavens no...not until you're both eighteen at least." I want to roll my eyes and then I realize that Snow will probably make is do it the day I turn eighteen. I will be spending my seventeenth birthday in the Capitol this year.

Breakfast comes and I am sure that the kitchen staff is wanting to make me happy because they have prepared my favourite meal of lamb stew and plums on a bed of wild rice. We have orange juice and hot chocolate. After breakfast Peeta and I part always and he kisses my forehead.

If I feel ragged, my prep team seems in worse condition, knocking back coffee and sharing brightly colored little pills. As far as I can tell, they never get up before noon unless there's some sort of national emergency, like my leg hair.

I was so happy when it grew back in, too. As if it were a sign that things might be returning to normal with my body. I was amazed to learn that Peeta didn't mind it and in many ways liked it. He said that I was beaitiful no matter what I did. I run my fingers along the soft, curly down on my legs and give myself over to the team.

None of them are up to their usual chatter, so I can hear every strand being yanked from its follicle. I have to soak in a tub full of a thick, unpleasant smelling solution, while my face and hair are plastered with creams. Two more baths follow in other, less offensive, concoctions. I'm plucked and scoured and massaged and anointed until I'm raw.

Flavius tilts up my chin and sighs. "It's a shame Cinna said no alterations on you."

"Yes, we could really make you something special," says Octavia. "When she's older. Then he'll have to let us." Vinia says grimly.

Do what? Blow my lips up like President Snow's? Tattoo my breasts? Dye my skin magenta and implant gems in it? Cut decorative patterns in my face? Give me curved talons? Or cat's whiskers? I saw all these things and more on the people in the Capitol. Do they really have no idea how freakish they look to the rest of us?

I'm in a foul mood as I walk to the dinning care for lunch. Everyone has started without me and I slide in next to Peeta and just bury my head in his chest. He wraps his left arm around me and instead of eating I just twirl the vines ring and he kisses my forehead.

The others notice, and try to bring me into the conversation, but I just brush them off. At some point, the train stops. Our server reports it will not just be for a fuel stop, some part has malfunctioned and must be replaced. It will require at least an hour. This sends Effie into a state. She pulls out her schedule and begins to work out how the delay will impact every event for the rest of our lives.

Finally I just can't stand to listen to her anymore. "No one cares, Effie!" I snap. Everyone at the table stares at me, even Haymitch, who you'd think would be on my side in this matter since Effie drives him nuts. I'm immediately put on the defensive. "Well, no one does!" I say, and get up and leave the dining car.

The train suddenly seems stifling and I'm definitely queasy now. I find the exit door, force it open triggering some sort of alarm, which I ignore and jump to the ground, expecting to land in snow. But the air's warm and balmy against my skin. The trees still wear green leaves. How far south have we come in a day?

I walk along the track, squinting against the bright sunlight, already regretting my words to Effie. She's hardly to blame for my current predicament. I should go back and apologize. My outburst was the height of bad manners, and manners matter deeply to her. But my feet continue on along the track, past the end of the train, leaving it behind.

An hour's delay. I can walk at least twenty minutes in one direction and make it back with plenty of time to spare. Instead, after a couple hundred yards, I sink to the ground and sit there, looking into the distance. If I had a bow and arrows, would I just hunt until the stress wore off.

After a while I hear footsteps behind me. It'll be Haymitch, coming to chew me out. It's not like I don't deserve it, but I still don't want to hear it. "I'm not in the mood for a lecture," I warn the clump of weeds by my shoes.

"No lectures, sweetheart." I turn and find not Haymitch but Peeta. He holds his arms open and let myself fall into his embrace. "I thought you where Haymitch." I say and he laughs. "No he's in there nursing a muffin and going on about how they're not as good as your buns." This makes me smile.

"I feel awful about snapping...I'm just so stressed out about all this stuff with Snow." His fingers ghost over my back. "What did the team say about your back." I smile and snicker. "That I shouldn't get into fights with flowers just because I can't arrange them properly." I have to have a talent but all mine are illegal, mostly my hunting. My only other talent is no good because Peeta is better at baking than I am.

"I'm still mad at you, you know? Not for the glass but for kicking me out of my favorite room the last two weeks." I feel Peeta's laughter and he release me, holding me at arms length.

"I've been working on some paintings for the Tour and I wanted to save them. I meant for a few of them to be a surprise Katniss. Would you like to see them now?"

"Yes but first I need to tell Effie how sorry I am. I know she didn't deserve it." He takes my hand and we walk back to the train in silence.

"Don't be afraid to lay it on thick," Peeta tells me. So when we go back to the dining car, where the others are still at lunch, I give Effie an apology that I think is overkill but in her mind probably just manages to compensate for my breach of etiquette.

To her credit, Effie accepts graciously. She says it's clear I'm under a lot of pressure. And her comments about the necessity of someone attending to the schedule only last about five minutes. Really, I've gotten off easily.

When Effie finishes, Peeta leads me down a few cars to see his paintings. I don't know what I expected. I've seen a few of his finished painting, a few hang in our house and some at my mother's. But for the last month he has banned me from the library so I don't know what to expect.

When I open the door I gasp and quickly cover my mouth to hold in the vomit because Peeta has painted the Games.

Some you wouldn't get right away, if you hadn't been with him in the arena yourself. Water dripping through the cracks in our cave. The dry pond bed. A pair of hands, his own, digging for roots.

Others any viewer would recognize. The golden horn called the Cornucopia. Clove arranging the knives inside her jacket. One of the mutts, unmistakably the blond, green eyed one meant to be Glimmer, snarling as it makes its way toward us. And me.

I am everywhere. High up in a tree. Beating a shirt against the stones in the stream. Lying unconscious in a pool of blood. And one I can't place, perhaps this is how I looked when his fever was high, emerging from a silver gray mist that matches my eyes exactly.

"What do you think?" he asks as he wraps his arms around me from behind. "I love them...I hate them too." I say because I can almost smell the blood, the dirt, the unnatural breath of the mutt.

"All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you've brought it, back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?" He kisses my cheek and whispers, "I see them every night Katniss."

I shutter and he pulls me tighter. "You said your dreams where about losing me." He tilts my head and kisses up my neck. "They are...some of these...the darker ones are my nightmares. I know you see them too and I'm sorry of they hurt you. I want people to see the truth. I have a special collection of happier ones just for you."

He opens a box and removes them one by one and lays them on the bed and I am amazed by what I see.

The first is me at five years old in my red plaid dress with my two braids standing on a stool.

In two I'm eleven...curled up in the rain against a tree. The next I have a pale green dress on and a dandelion in my hands.

The first one he ever did...I only saw it in a sketch but now the colors are bright and I am the girl on fire. In my interview dress and the fire tunic from our session at the Training Center.

The next one I'm sleeping, the early morning sun coming in through the window, my hair sprayed out of the pillow.

Me in the window box in the library holding Prim in my arms.

Me sitting in the large white chair in the living room in my Toasting outfit.

But it's the last one that makes me truly gasp. I run my hands along the curves of their bodies and I am in awe.

Peeta is laying on the green and gold blanket naked with me on top of him, our bodies joined as we make love. His hands covering my breasts. Our hands laced, my ring on display. My eyes locked to his. The small room lot by the fire as it plays off of his pale hair and my dark skin.

Peeta has captured the most intimate moment of our union and turned it into a masterpiece.

"This one Peeta. I don't have the right words for it. I love it."

"The most amazing moment of my life. Watching you, being inside you. I wanted to keep it forever. The moment. So I found myself sketching it one day it took me all day just to get the sketch right and other to paint it."

I feel him wipe the tears from my face and I moan as his lips meet mine in a kiss that make me hungry for more. "Later Katniss. I promise." He laughs against my lips and I swear he can read my body as well as my eyes.

The train lurches forward, and I can see the land moving past us through the window. "Come on, we're almost to District Eleven. Let's go take a look at it."


	35. Catching Fire 3

An: Please review and let me know if I'm doing a good job. I want to keep thos going but I wanna know what people think.

I turn to Rue's family. "I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind. I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house.

I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees. But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim."

My voice is undependable, but I am almost finished. "Thank you for your children." I raise my chin to address the crowd. "And thank you all for the bread."

I stand there, feeling broken and small, thousands of eyes trained on me. There's a long pause. Then, from somewhere in the crowd, someone whistles Rue's four note mockingjay tune. The one that signaled the end of the workday in the orchards. The one that meant safety in the arena.

By the end of the tune, I have found the whistler, a wizened old man in a faded red shirt and overalls. His eyes meet mine.

What happens next is not an accident. It is too well executed to be spontaneous, because it happens in complete unison. Every person in the crowd presses the three middle fingers of their left hand against their lips and extends them to me. It's our sign from District 12, the last good bye we gave Rue in the arena.

The full impact of what I've done hits me. It was not intentional, I only meant to express my thanks, but I have elicited something dangerous. An act of dissent from the people of District 11. This is exactly the kind of thing I am supposed to be defusing!

Peeta and I acknowledge a final round of applause. He leads me back toward the doors, I feel funny and have to stop for a moment as little bits of bright sunshine dance before my eyes.

"Are you all right Katniss?" His arm wraps around my waist for support and I cling to him. "The sun was so bright. I forgot my flowers." I mumble.

We would be safe inside the Justice Building by now, if I hadn't stopped, if I hadn't left my flowers. Instead, from the deep shade of the veranda, we see the whole thing.

A pair of Peacekeepers dragging the old man who whistled to the top of the steps. Forcing him to his knees before the crowd and putting a bullet through his head.

The Peacekeepers lead us back inside and I keep my head in Peeta's chest and his arm stay locked around my waist.

Haymitch, Effie, Portia, and Cinna wait under a static filled screen that's mounted on the wall, their faces tight with anxiety. I free myself from Peeta's arm and shock everyone when I launch into Haymitch's. He wraps his around me and I just hold on to him.

"What happened?" Effie hurries over. "We lost the feed just after Katniss's beautiful speech, and then Haymitch said he thought he heard a gun fire, and I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!"

"Nothing happened, Effie. An old truck backfired," says Peeta evenly. Two more shots. The door doesn't muffle their sound much. Who was that? Thresh's grandmother? One of Rue's little sisters?

I stay in Haymitch's arms, he rubs my back and I relax. "It's ok sweetheart." For the first time that name doesn't sound like an insult. He holds me at arms length and mouths 'what happened.'

He signals to Peeta who joins us and Haymitch rips the microphones off us and stuffs them under a couch cushion. "Let's take a walk."

I believe that the only other time he's been there was during his own tour so I am amazed when he starts leading us through rooms and passage ways until we come to a doomed room that hasn't been used in ages.

"So they cut the feed after Katniss' speech?" Peeta asks and Haymitch confirms with a shake of his head. "There was an old man in the crowd, he did their call that signals the end of the day. After that everyone did District 12's salute and then..."

Peeta's voice is filling with and an anger I've never heard from him. "They shot him...the old man. They dragged him to the front and shot him." Peeta picks up a vase and throws it across the room, it shatters with the force of his throw.

"It's all my fault. I did this." Because it's true I did do this, it was my job to calm the Districts and I fail in the first one.

"No Katniss..." The tone of his voice hits me like a slap in the face and I flinch as though I was hit. "I did this...I should never have made that offer. Do you think they'll get part of our winnings or did I just sentenced them to death? Cause they'll be lucky if they survive the day." He picks up something else, a statue this time, and throws it and again I watch it turn to dust. This scares me more and I duck my head into Haymitch's chest.

I feel the sobs hit me and I whimper, "Peeta stop." Haymitch comforts me and once my sobbing stops he looks at Peeta. "Look boy you can be mad all you want but that's no reason to take it out on her. She's not the one your mad at."

I feel Peeta's touch on my arm and for a second I flinch away. "Katniss..." His voice is just a whisper and I turn from Haymitch's tear stained shirt to look at him. He hold out his hands and I take them as he pulls me to my feet and into his arms.

He pulls my head to the crook of his neck, one arm wraps around my waist, the other glides over the skin of my face. "I'm sorry Katniss, I didn't mean to scare you. You know I'd never hurt you, I'd die before that happens. I love you Mrs. Mellark."

He kisses me and I can taste the salt mixed in with the taste of his skin, his arms wrap around my waist as mine find their way to his hair. I break the kiss and mouth Haymitch's name against his lips. This gets Peeta to snicker and I relax.

"Now that you two are done making out, we need to come up with a plan." I roll my eyes and shake my head. "What if we did a public proposal during the interview with Caesar?" They both look at me for two different reasons.

"Katniss we're already married." Peeta says and I smile a bit.

"Not by the Capitol's standards. That might be enough to calm them down, give the Districts something else to focus on." Haymitch says and I can see him trying to plot it out.

"Snow already knows about the ring, I told him to was a gift from you. So we just need to convince everyone else that we plan to get married too." I take Peeta's left hand in mine and twirl the ring around his finger. "We are married in the only way that means anything to me. You opened my eyes to the idea that it could be good. I just want this Tour to be over so we can go home and live our lives. As long as you're safe and we're together, I don't care what moment the Capitol's cameras steal from us."

I kiss him and we head down to what becomes an indistinguishable series of car rides, crowds, dinners, and train rides. Each day it's the same. Wake up. Get dressed. Ride through cheering crowds. Listen to a speech in our honor. Give a thank you speech in return, but only the one the Capitol gave us, never any personal additions now.

Sometimes a brief tour: a glimpse of the sea in one district, towering forests in another, ugly factories, fields of wheat, stinking refineries. Dress in evening clothes. Attend dinner. Train. During ceremonies, we are solemn and respectful but always linked together, by our hands, our arms.

At dinners, we are both borderline delirious in our love for each other, something that makes both of us ill because this is not who we are and this is not our real love. We kiss, we dance, we get caught trying to sneak away to be alone.

On the train, we are quietly miserable as we try to assess what effect we might be having. We are never apart always next to each other. Peeta hold me in his arms and after our visit to District 8 I begin to stop eating much in private. Peeta begins to beg and pled and we start to take our meals in private so he can force me to eat.

Cinna is forced to take my clothes in and my prep team frets over the circles under my eyes and the sickly tone of my skin. Effie offers me different colored pills. I refuse most but try the sleeping pills but they only seem to make the nightmares worse.

If I sleep at all it has to be in Peeta's arm at night, and sometimes Haymitch's during the day. Effie pulls me aside one day and tells me that the staff has started to talk about the noise level of our sleep car at night. I promise her we will try to keep it down but secretly I hope that the news gets back to President Snow.

Peeta makes love to me every night, some nights it's five or six times at all hours and I have stopped caring about being discreet.

I lay there our limbs tangled together, my head in the crook of his neck, fingers tracing patterns on his chest. He kisses the crown of my head and his arms stay tightly around me.

"I hate his Peeta. I hate the fact that I need this."

I hear him laugh into my hair.

"Do you hate the sex Katniss? Am I starting to get worse?"

"No you're always amazing, so passionate and every touch just makes me want more...it always has. What I hate is me, I feel like I'm using it to keep myself calm or to drive away the nightmares. I love you but I miss being home, I miss how we are there. I can touch you, kiss you, make love and not think about anything but you."

He lifts my chin with his fingers and I am forced to look into those stunning blue eyes, so filled with love for me that it hurts. "I love you Katniss. My strong, beautiful, stubborn, willfull Katniss Everdeen...who gave me such an amazing gift when she become Katniss Mellark, my wife and someday the mother of my children. You know I'll give you whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means making love to you all day."

He smiles and I can't help but return it. Peeta, always selfless in his love for me...refusing to see the bad things. Believeing that our love is strong enough to make it through anything and a part of me knows that it is.

I press my lips to his in a gentle kiss. I keep the kiss light, savoring the taste of his skin under my lips. I move from his lips across his jaw line and up his cheek to his ear. "I love you Peeta but I have been selfish and now I want to make it up to you."

I kiss down his neck, across his shoulder and over his collarbone. I dart my tongue out and swirl it around his nipple. "Katniss. You know how much..." I cut off his words by wrapping my lips around it and alternating between sucking and nipping at the nub of flesh. His hips buck and I wrap my fingers around his rapidly hardening erection as my lips continue to tease his nipples.

I hear a string of obscenities come from his lips and I'm sure that these are what horrify Effie the most. When he's fully hard I release him and he groans until I start to kiss my way down his torso, I let my tongue trace the lines of his abs and this earns me a series of moans.

I wrap my fingers around this base and give him a light squeeze. I swirl my tongue around tip a few time before I press my tongue into his slit and start pumping his harder.

I slide him into my mouth and inch by inch work him until I can feel his at the back of my throat. "God damnit Katniss." I suck my cheeks in and I can tell how hard he's fighting not to buck into my mouth instead he grabs the sheets and fists them in his hands.

I set a pace that causes the string of obscenities mixed with my name to flow from his lips. I feel him reaching the point of release so I take him in and hollow out my cheeks, he fists him hands into my hair as he releases into my mouth. "Fuck...I love...you...Katniss."

I clean him out before he pulls me up by the hair and crushes my mouth to his. He kisses me and I feel my lips starting to bruise as his tongue thrust into my mouth and I feel him pull me on top of him. "Do you ever get enough Peeta? I was worried about me but you're almost as bad."

He give me a smile that make me wet, his usual sweetness taken over by a wicked smirk and the midnight blue outline has taken over his eyes. I feel him push him into me and I feel that he's mostly hard. "Katniss I will never get tired of holding you like this, feeling your warmth wrapped around me, the sounds that you make. The way you say my name. Every time proves to me that you love me because your body never lies."

I'm tired of lies, we're both tired of them, but it seems with each other there is only truth and trust in our unspoken words and in the movement of our hearts and souls. Soon we will be in the Capitol and we will have to face the interview that will seal our fates.


	36. Catching Fire 4

AN: If you like the story please review. First girl's name posted in a review or Pm will be used for the EverLark baby.

By the time we reach the Capitol, we are desperate. We make endless appearances to adoring crowds. There is no danger of an uprising here among the privileged, among those whose names are never placed in the reaping balls, whose children never die for the supposed crimes committed generations ago.

We don't need to convince anybody in the Capitol of our love but hold to the slim hope that we can still reach some of those we failed to convince in the districts. Whatever we do seems too little, too late.

We lay on the bed of my room of the Training Center, it was here in this room six months ago that my life changed forever. Cinna dressed us in the same outfits from that day.

"What's you favourite color?" He asks and I feel the smile come to my face. "It's green. The pale green, like new grass in sping. What's yours?" He runs his fingers down the side of ribs and rubs the hem of my top between his fingers. "Orange. Not bright more muted like the sunset." He places a kiss to my forehead and we both laugh. It feels good, not forced or staged.

I run my finger along Peeta full bottom lip. Lips I've come to love as much as the boy who owns them. "This is where you first turst me Katniss, let me touch you in a way I had only ever dreamed of. You opened up a world to me and I love you for it."

"I brought you pain, put you through hell, pretended to be in love with you...lied to keep you safe and alive. I broke your heart and then selfishly wanted you back because I can't survive without you." I kiss him and he kisses me back, it's a gentle soothing kiss and I moan when his hands pulls at me until I'm sitting on top of him.

"Katniss, I hate this idea as much as you do. It's stupid to propose to a women that's already my wife bit we have to play their game for just a few more days then we can go home and get back to our real life. You'll hunt and I'll bake. You'll sing and I'll paint. I'll hold you and you'll love me." I smile because this was our life before the Tour, before the threats on our lives.

Breakfast comes and we eat with Cinna and Portia in our room as we did that first Saturday. We go over a list of possible interview questions and then we part ways and our left to the prep teams. I reluctantly let go of Peeta and give myself over to the pain it requires to make me Capitol beautiful.

For the interview Cinna puts me in a pale green strapless cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline. I hear a knock on the door and there's Peeta in a gray suite with a pale green shirt and tie. He takes the ring box out out and take my left hand and slides the ring off. He kisses the place where it was. "I'll put it back where it belongs soon enough."

We stand and listen as Caesar works the crowd. Cinna and Portia hug us and Cinna rests his forehead to mine, our preshow ritual. "We're always betting on you."

"You know them as the boy with the bread and the girl on fire, but we know them as Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen." We join hands and walk out together, the crowd cheers and we are greeted my Caesar with a kiss from his powder blue lips.

We sit on an over sized white love seat and resume the pose we did during our last interview with him. "Aren't they simply stunning ladies and gentlemen?" He asks and everyone cheers. "We have amazing stylists." I say with a real smile.

"So tell me Katniss what was your favorite part about your tour through the Districts?" I smile and try to keep my voice light. "The bread. They always made sure we tried it. 7 and 4 had my favourite but nothing's as good as the Capitol's bread." This gets me a laugh from the crowd.

"So what has life been like since your victory in the Game Peeta?" He take my hand his his an smiles. "It been an adjustment for us but we're very happy. I've spent years icing the cakes and cookie at my father's bakery now I can paint with real paint on canvas and Katniss has been a great source of inspiration." The crowd awws and Peeta kisses my cheek. Then Caesar asks me what I've been doing and I want to say something like 'oh you know some illegal hunting and trading, insighting riot, trying to stop rebellions.'

"Peeta's been teaching how to bake. He hasn't gotten sick yet, so I guess I'm doing ok." Again I get a laugh from the crowd. "I've enjoyed learning to cook...but my lamb stew just isn't as good. I love to read while Peeta paints."

"Well that just sounds lovely. So tell me Peeta any big plans for your future with Ms. Everdeen?" At this Peeta's smile grows brighter then the sun. "Well Caesar I do have hope but I'll have to ask Katniss about it first."

He pulls me to my feet and drops down on his good leg and pulls my ring from his pocket. "Katniss Everdeen I've loved you since the first day of kindergarten and I promise to love you evry day for the rest of my life. The Reaping changed my life becaise it gave me the chance to show you how I felt. You risked your life more than once to save mine. You falling in love with me was a dream come true for me and I want that dream to last for the rest of our lives. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He opens the box and I cover my mouth and I hear the crowd as they gasp and murmur.

The tears down my cheeks are real and they are happy tears because every time Peeta makes one of these grand declarations he does such an amazing job and this time I'm glad he didn't use his real proposal speech. The Capitol will not take that from me.

I nod my head, "Yes Peeta. Yes." I smile and help him to his feet. He wraps me in his arms and kiss me so firmly that I feel the breath pulled out of me. The kiss goes on for a moment until we are broken apart. Caesar is beside himself with delight as he watches Peeta put the ring on my finger.

"Well ladies and gentlemen isn't this a special night indeed and quite the victory for our favoirite Star Crossed Lovers. He joins our hands and raises them high. "I present to you ladies and gentlemen of the Panam the victors of the 74th Hunger Games Peeta Mellark and the future Mrs. Katniss Mellark!"

The Capitol audience is hysterical, shots of crowds around Panem show a country besotted with happines and joy.

President Snow himself makes a surprise visit to congratulate us. "It is with great pride, the pride of the nation of Panam that I want to personally congratulate these two fine young Victors as they join together in such a special union. We must set aside our fighting and remember that we are strong as a whole, Panam must remain as strongly unified as this couple."

He clasps Peeta's hand and gives him an approving slap on the shoulder. He embraces me, enfolding me in the smell of blood and roses, and plants a puffy kiss on my cheek. When he pulls back, his fingers digging into my arms, his face smiling into mine, I dare to raise my eyebrows. They ask what my lips can't. Did I do it? Was it enough? Was giving everything over to you?

In answer, he gives an almost imperceptible shake of his head. In the moment my world threaten to fall apart and once again I am hit with the fear that I will lose Peeta, my family, his family, and everyone we have come to love.

President Snow silences the audience and says, "What do you think about us throwing them a wedding right here in the Capitol?" I pull off girl almost catatonic with joy without a hitch and when Caesar Flickerman asks if the President has a date in mind Peeta chimes in with something about us only being seventeen.

President Snow pulls me into a hug that wraps me in the sickening smell of blood and roses. "Maybe if the whole country puts its mind to it, we can get you legally married before the Quarter Quell." I want to scream or craw his eyes out. He knows."You'll have to pass a new law, I'm only 16." I say with a giggle. "If that's what it takes," says the President with conspiratorial good humor. Oh, the fun we two have together.


	37. Catching Fire 5

The party can not end fast enough for me...I hate the excess, the noise, the endless babblings about petty things, the vain egos of the Capitol elite.

Peeta and I try to stay to ourselves, try to sit in a corner and avoid everything but we are constantly sought out by people who want to congratulate us, talk to is about their excitement for our wedding, or pose for pictures.

Peeta keeps his arm locked around my waist and as the night goes on I can't tell if it's to protect me for the Capitol hands or if it's to support me so that I don't snap and go off on the next person to talk to me. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder and twirl the ring on Peeta's finger.

"Katniss I 'm so sorry to bother you but there's someone I'd like you to meet." I look up and I see a large man who I swear I've seen somewhere before. "This is Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker."

He offers a hand to Peeta and they shake. "Would you mind of I stole Katniss for a dance Mr. Mellark?" He smile and I cringe on the inside while trying to maintain my outward composure.

Peeta seems to recover his camera ready smile, a fake expression that I have come to dislike because it's not the warm, soft, loving smile that makes his eyes light up it's a smile that make him look like a puppet on a too tight string.

"Of course Mr. Heavensbee but only for a dance or two, anything more and I'll have to come after you to get her back." They both laugh and Peeta hands me over.

I don't want to dance with him but Portia must have had a good reason for bringing him over to meet us so I go along with his request for a dance, I know that Peeta will not take his eyes off of me for a moment.

I don't want to feel his hands, one resting against mine, one on my hip. I do not like being touched. My mother or Prim, Hazelle and the kids, and Gale...these use to my only contact before the games. Since the Games I have extended this circle to include my prep team, our stylists, Effie, and even Haymitch.

Lastly Peeta, his touch is in a circle all it's own. His touch is a thing that I value above all others because it convays a love that makes me feel special and reminds me of the safe warmth of my father's embrace. My father would have like Peeta.

I rank Gamemakers somewhere below maggots in terms of creatures I want in contact with my body and I have to resist the urge to vomit with every turn we make.

"Your Games where my first it was quite an event for me but I have been careful to avoid punch since training." He says and I have no idea what it could mean until it hits me. "Oh I see now. You where the one who fell into the punch bowl when I shot that stupid pig."

"So Head Gamesmaster, must be a big honor for your second year in the Games?"

"Well there wasn't much of a fight for the position." Yeah the last one ended up dead.

"Are you planning the Quarter Quell Games already?"

"Oh, yes. Well, they've been in the works for years, of course. Arenas aren't built in a day. But the, shall we say, flavor of the Games is being determined now. Believe it or not, I've got a strategy meeting tonight," he says.

Plutarch steps back and pulls out a gold watch on a chain from a vest pocket. He flips open the lid, sees the time, and frowns. "I'll have to be going soon." He turns the watch so I can see the face. "It starts at midnight."

"That seems late for..." I say, but then something distracts me. Plutarch has run his thumb across the crystal face of the watch and for just a moment an image appears, glowing as if lit by candlelight. It's another mockingjay. Exactly like the pin on my dress. Only this one disappears. He snaps the watch closed.

"That's very pretty," I say.

"Oh, it's more than pretty. It's one of a kind. If anyone asks about me, say I've gone home to bed. The meetings are supposed to be kept secret. But I thought it'd be safe to tell you."

"Yes. Your secret's safe with me," I say. As we shake hands, he gives a small bow, a common gesture here in the Capitol. "Well, I'll see you next summer at the Games, Katniss. Best wishes on your engagement."

I feel Peeta's arms lock around my waist from behind and I tilt my head to the side and he snickers as his lips place feather light kisses to the exposed flesh. "I can't wait to get back on the train...to get you out of this dress and bury myself inside of you." I smile and his teeth lightly nip at the skin causing me to moan. "Come with me we're wanted at the dessert table."

Bakers have come in from the kitchen especially to talk frosting with him, and you can see them tripping over one another to answer his questions. They all talk about how honored they'd be to design our cake or have a private session.

At Peeta's request, they assemble an assortment of little cakes and contact cards for him to take back to District 12, where he can examine their work in quiet. "Effie said we have to be on the train at one. I wonder what time it is," he says, glancing around.

"Almost midnight," I reply. I pluck a chocolate flower from a cake with my fingers and nibble on it, so beyond worrying about manners.

"Time to say thank you and farewell!" trills Effie at my elbow. It's one of those moments when I just love her compulsive punctuality.

We collect Cinna and Portia, and she escorts us around to say good-bye to important people, then herds us to the door. "Shouldn't we thank President Snow? It's his house."

"Oh, he's not a big one for parties. Too busy," says Effie. "I've already arranged for the necessary notes and gifts to be sent to him tomorrow. There you are!" Effie gives a little wave to two Capitol attendants who have an inebriated Haymitch propped up between them.

We travel through the streets of the Capitol in a car with darkened windows. Behind us, another car brings the prep teams. The throngs of people celebrating are so thick it's slow going. But Effie has this all down to a science, and at exactly one o'clock we are back on the train and it's pulling out of the station.

Haymitch is deposited in his room. Cinna orders tea and we all take seats around the table while Effie rattles her schedule papers and reminds us we're still on tour. "There's the Harvest Festival in District Twelve to think about. So I suggest we drink our tea and head straight to bed." No one argues.

The next day is a blur of Effie giving us protocol on how to do just about everything and the prep team torturing me until I am there idea of perfection wrapped in a shiny silver dress. I have some time to kill before the party begins so I go looking for Madge.

Madge's bedroom is on the second floor along with several guest rooms and her father's study. I stick my head in the study to say hello to the mayor but it's empty.

The television's droning on, and I stop to watch shots of Peeta and me at the Capitol party last night. Dancing, eating, kissing. This will be playing in every household in Panem right now. The audience must be sick to death of the Star Crossed Lovers from District 12. I know I am.

I'm leaving the room when a beeping noise catches my attention. I turn back to see the screen of the television go black. Then the words "UPDATE ON DISTRICT 8" start flashing.

Instinctively I know this is not for my eyes but something intended only for the mayor. I should go. Quickly. Instead I find myself stepping closer to the television. An announcer I've never seen before appears. It's a woman with graying hair and a hoarse, authoritative voice. She warns that conditions are worsening and a Level 3 alert has been called. Additional forces are being sent into District 8, and all textile production has ceased.

They cut away from the woman to the main square in District 8. I recognize it because I was there only last week. There are still banners with my face waving from the rooftops. Below them, there's a mob scene.

The square's packed with screaming people, their faces hidden with rags and homemade masks, throwing bricks. Buildings burn. Peacekeepers shoot into the crowd, killing at random. I've never seen anything like it, but I can only be witnessing one thing. This is what President Snow calls an uprising.


	38. Catching Fire 6

"Hey little duck, we've got some fresh baked cookie...you want some?" She stands there looking nervous, rocking on the balls of her feet with her hands behind her back. "Thanks but maybe later. I just came to give you something." She pulls her hands from behind her back and hands me a folded piece of paper. I take it and she runs off back to her house.

"What did Prim want Katniss?" Peeta asks as he removes the tray of cookie from the oven and places them on the counter to cool. "She just want to give me something. She was acting a bot strange." I walk over and sit on one of the stools.

"What does it say Katniss?" I unfold the paper and my falls open when I see who it's from. Then I read the note to myself. 'Katniss, I'm sorry...I miss you...I miss us. I wanna see you. Tomorrow at our spot please?' "That son of a..."

Peeta comes and wraps his arms around me and I can feel the angry heat building up in him then his whole body sinks in defeat. "Are you going?" His voice is small but heavy.

He doesn't move away from me, he just stays there with his arms wrapped around my waist and his head on my shoulder. "I don't know Peeta, I haven't talked to him in months but I guess he wants to try to..." I let my voice die because I don't really know what it is he wants to do.

"He still wants you Katniss." I put my hands over Peeta's so he doesn't pull away. Right now I need the warmth of his body and the protection of his arms. "You don't know that...maybe he..."

"Katniss I've wanted you since I was 5. I looked at every other girl in school willing myself to want them more than you but I couldn't. You have that same effect on him. He's wanted you since the first day he really took the time to look at you...that's how it works with an Everdeen. That's what happen with your mother."

"I'm glad that happened because I have you as my husband and not my brother." This gets a small laugh but it dies quickly. "It's not legal you could still run off into the woods with him and that would leave me..."

"Dead Peeta...you would be dead along with my mother and Prim, Hazelle and kids, maybe even Haymitch and who ever else the Capitol felt like killing. I want have that on my hands." I pry his hands from my waist and remove myself from the stool.

I wrap my arms around Peeta's neck and press my body into his. As always his arms lock around me and I smile. My Peeta my sweet, kind, brave, insecure Peeta. Who has nightmares about losing me and holds me during mine. I rise up on my tip toes and place a firm kiss to his lips. "I love you and nothing he says will change that but I want to see him, try to explain...he's my best friend or he was before the Games."

I dress for the weather and head to my old house with a lunch prepared for us, some rabbit I caught yesterday, some roots and herbs, a flask of tea, and two of my cinnamon buns.

We wants to meet at my old house which was cleaned out by the Capitol when my family was moved into The Victor's Village. I hope that Snow is not watching this place. I start a fire and warm myself I turn when I hear the creek of the floors.

I look in his eyes. His temper can't quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever.

He walks up to me and stops about a foot away from me. "Hey Catnip." I smile and he returns it but it quickly dies. "So you're engaged to this guy now...you've know him for what six months? You don't even love him Katniss."

"I do love him Gale. You left me, after the Games, I haven't seen you in months and you give Prim a note to give to me. You couldn't just come to me yourself. Has all our years of friendship meant nothing to you?"

He takes my left hand in and holds it up and twists it. I watch as the fire dances off of the diamond casting light onto the gray walls. "It should be mine. The ring on your finger. I loved you before the Reaping. We where going to get married someday it might have taken me awhile to convince you but I could have done it."

"You left and all I had left was Peeta. We spent everyday together and yes it was an act in the beginning but now...it's not an act for me anymore I've learned to love him."

"Do you still love me Katniss? Did you ever love me?"

"I do love you Gale but..." He silences me with a kiss, but this time it's not cold. His lips and his body are warm...not because of the fire, it comes from inside him but I can taste the anger and the hate and I know where this fire comes from. I try to pull away but he pins me to the wall.

"Let me go Gale."

"Run away with me Katniss. We can make it more more than five miles if it's just us and our bows." I feel his hands slide up my waist and under my shirt.

"I made a promise. To Peeta. Snow was threatening me but it doesn't matter now...I failed the uprising in 8 proves that."

Gale grabs my shoulders. "What did you see?"

"Nothing! In person. I just heard something." As usual, it's too little, too late. I give up and tell him.

"I saw something on the mayor's television. I wasn't supposed to. There was a crowd, and fires, and the Peacekeepers were gunning people down but they were fighting back. ..." I bite my lip and struggle to continue describing the scene. Instead I say aloud the words that have been eating me up inside.

"And it's my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would've happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe, too."

"Safe to do what?" he says in a gentler tone. "Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven't hurt people, you've given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. There's already been talk in the mines. People who want to fight. Don't you see? It's happening! It's finally happening! If there's an uprising in District Eight, why not here? Why not everywhere? This could be it, the thing we've been..."

"Stop it! You don't know what you're saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they're not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people they mean less than nothing to them!" I say.

"That's why we have to join the fight!" he answers harshly.

"No! We have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!" I'm yelling again, but I can't understand why he's doing this. Why doesn't he see what's so undeniable?

Gale pushes me roughly away from him. "You leave, then. I'd never go in a million years."

"You were just asking me to leave with you a moment ago. I don't see how an uprising in District Eight does anything but make it more important that we leave. You're just mad about—" No, I can't throw Peeta in his face. "What about your family?"

"What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can't run away? Don't you see? It can't be about just saving us anymore. Not if the rebellion's begun!" Gale shakes his head, not hiding his disgust with me. "You could do so much." And with that he's gone.

I put out the fire, clean up, and start the walk toward home. The path to the Victor's Village doesn't get a lot of uses and I walk with my head down and pull Cinna's gloves from my pocket and slip them on. I'm distracted, my head down and my ears tuning out the sounds around me. I don't see him until I run into him.

"Peeta, what are you doing? Where are you going?" I feel stupid asking questions like this considering where I was but he doesn't act upset. "Just into town to see my father. Would you like to come with me?" He smiles and offers me his hand. I take it and we walk toward the square.

"Nothing happened Peeta." I say this when the silence becomes to much. He lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me into him. "I know. I trust you Katniss."

As we approach the square the sounds hit. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. "Come on," Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don't know why. I can't place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him.

When we reach the square, it's clear something's happening, but the crowd's too thick to see. Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I'm halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way.

"Get down. Get out of here!" He's whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence.

"What's happening?" I say, trying to force my way back up.

"Go home, Katniss! I'll be there in a minute, I swear!" he says.

Whatever it is, it's terrible. I yank away from his hand and begin to push my way through the crowd. People see me, recognize my face, and then look panicked. Hands shove me back. Voices hiss. "Get out of here, girl."

"Only make it worse."

"What do you want to do? Get him killed?"

But at this point, my heart is beating so fast and fierce I hardly hear them. I only know that whatever waits in the middle of the square is meant for me. When I finally break through to the cleared space, I see I am right. And Peeta was right. And those voices were right, too.

It's all a blur, the new Head Peacekeep, seeing Gale's body tied to the post, the abused flesh, the heavy spell of blood, the lash across my face, Peeta carrying me to my mother's house, Madge bringing the vials, me yelling at Haymitch.

Life in District 12 isn't really so different from life in the arena. At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead. The hard thing is finding the courage to do it. Well, it's not hard for Gale. He was born a rebel. I'm the one making an escape plan.

I pull a chair up and sit in front of Gale. He looks so young when he sleeps, he almost looks like the boy I met in the woods.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. I lean forward and kiss him.

His eyelashes flutter and he looks at me through a haze of opiates.

"Hey, Catnip."

"Hey, Gale,"

"Thought you'd be gone by now,"

My choices are simple. I can die like quarry in the woods or I can die here beside Gale. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here and cause all kinds of trouble."

"Me, too," Gale says. He just manages a smile before the drugs pull him back under. I kiss his forehead and lay my head down next to his.

Someone gives my shoulder a shake and I sit up. I've fallen asleep with my face on the table. The white cloth has left creases on my good cheek. The other, the one that took the lash from Thread, throbs painfully. Gale's dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine.

I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he's been watching us awhile. "Go home and try to rest, Katniss. I'll look after him now."

"No I'm fine," I yawn and try to loosen my stiff neck. "I want to stay with him. I'm the reason this happened to him." Peeta's eyes are a mix of emotions and I can't read which one is stronger. "You need sleep Katniss, go home."

"You know I can't not well...not without you." He smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'll hold of you promise to sleep."

He takes my place on the chair and pats his lap. I sit and nestle my head into the crook of his neck and his arms wrap around me. "Are you mad at me?" He kisses my forehead and gives me a light squeeze. "No you love him. He would have done it for you." I move to kiss his lips and he lets me. "I love you more." He chuckles and whispers in my ear. "I know Katniss, now sleep."


	39. Catching Fire 7

My mother insists that Peeta and I return home and she promises to call me with updates. She and Peeta talk for a moment and I see him writing something down. I don't even bother asking what it is.

I sit in my window seat in the library and watch the blizzard rage outside. I hear the door open and in comes Peeta with a tea tray and some sugar drop rolls.

"I don't think this snow is ever going to stop. The worst part is the wind it reminds me of..." I shutter has the unpleasant memory hits me. "The wolf mutts." Peeta finishes my thought and hands me a cup. "Two sugars and a slash of milk." I smile. "And nothing for you."

It takes two more days for the storm to blow itself out, leaving us with drifts higher than my head. Another day before the path is cleared from the Victor's Village to the square. During this time Peeta apply snow coat to my cheek and I try to remember everything I can about the uprising in District 8, in case it will help us.

The swelling in my face goes down, leaving me with an itchy, healing wound and a very black eye. We decide to head into town, I stop in to check on Gale while Peeta gets complains, but not as much as usual. We all know we need to discuss what happened and it can't be anywhere as dangerous as our homes in the Victor's Village.

In fact, we wait until the village is well behind us to even speak. I spend the time studying the ten foot walls of snow piled up on either side of the narrow path that has been cleared, wondering if they will collapse in on us.

Finally Haymitch breaks the silence. "So we're all heading off into the great unknown, are we?" he asks me.

"Not anymore." I say with a slight roll of my eyes.

"Worked through the flaws in that plan, did you, sweetheart?Got any new ideas?"

"I want to start an uprising," I say and Haymitch just laughs.

It's not even a mean laugh, which is more troubling. It shows he can't even take me seriously. "Well, I want a drink. You let me know how that works out for you, though," He says.

"Then what's your plan?" I spit back at him.

"My plan is to make sure everything is just perfect for your wedding," says Haymitch. "I called and rescheduled the photo shoot without giving too many details."

I laugh and Peeta shots me a questioning look. "You don't even have a phone," I say. "Effie had that fixed. Do you know she asked me if I'd like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better."

"Haymitch." I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. "Katniss." He mimics my tone. "It won't work."

We shut up as a team of men with shovels passes us, headed out to the Victor's Village. Maybe they can do something about those ten foot walls. And by the time they're out of earshot, the square is too close. We step into it and all come to a stop simultaneously.

Nothing much will happen during the blizzard. That's what Peeta and I had agreed. But we couldn't have been more wrong. The square has been transformed. A huge banner with the seal of Panam hangs off the roof of the Justice Building.

Peacekeepers, in pristine white uniforms, march on the cleanly swept cobblestones. Along the rooftops, more of them occupy nests of machine guns. Most unnerving is a line of new constructions, an official whipping post, several stockades, and a gallows set up in the center of the square.

"Thread's a quick worker," says Haymitch.

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don't receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty handed.

When the mines reopen, wages are cut, hours extended, miners sent into blatantly dangerous work sites. The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. The installations in the square see plenty of action as people are dragged in and punished for offences so long overlooked we've forgotten they are illegal.

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can't help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. The hardships in the mines, the tortured bodies in the square, the hunger on the faces of his family. Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can't even speak about, but it's still not enough with the inconsistent availability and the ever increasing price of food.

The only bright spot is Gale stops fighting me and lets me hire Hazelle as a housekeeper, resulting in some extra money for her and greatly increasing Haymitch's standard of living. It's weird going into his house, finding it fresh and clean, food warming on the stove.

He hardly notices because he's fighting a whole different battle. Peeta and I tried to ration what white liquor we have, but it's almost run out, and the last time I saw Ripper, she was in the stocks. I sit with him many hours and listen to him fight with the demons I can't see.

I feel like a pariah when I walk through the streets. Everyone avoids me in public now. But there's no shortage of company at my mother's house. A steady supply of ill and injured are deposited in her kitchen for my mother, who has long since stopped charging for her services.

Her stocks of remedies are running so low, though, that soon all she'll have to treat the patients with is snow. The woods, of course, are forbidden. Absolutely. No question. Even Gale doesn't challenge this now.

Peeta builds a fire in the living room and see sit in front of it on the floor with a pot of tea and some sugar cookies that I iced by myself. "These are really very pretty Katniss. You're getting good almost as good as me but not quite." I roll my eyes and he laughs.

"I could frost cookies everyday until I die and never be as good as you Peeta." He leans in and kisses me, he darts his tongue across my lips and moans, "Sweet but you're still sweeter."

I giggle and wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss that is stopped by a knock on the door. "I'll get it." I say as I go to answer the door. The truck is large and I drag it to the living room. "What's in it Katniss?" I see a note taped to the top. "It's from Effie." I read over the note silently and I want to be ill.

"Dearest Katniss. President Snow has approved these dress himself. You should feel quite honored, it's a rare thing for him to do so. You're quite the lucky Victor. I so look forward to seeing you soon. Love Effie."

"Is he serious Katniss? With everything go on he want to..."

"I hate this as much as you do Peeta. I don't want to go though with it...not like this...none of these dresses are..."

"They're not Cinna and Portia's designs."

I feel the anger, no it's more of a blinding rage, build inside of me as I remember his words. "They stole that day from us Peeta! They took it...they watched...that moment was never meant for them! It was ours and they took it!" I fall to the floor and the tears begin to flow. Peeta wraps his arms around me.

"Katniss. I love you. They can steal every moment and that won't change how I feel." He cups my face in his hands kisses my left and than my right. His lips hover over my ear and I shutter inspite of the fire. "I need you Mrs. Mellark."

I smile as I pull the tee shirt up and over his head. "I love the way you look in the fire light Peeta." He laughs and rolls his. "What I can be corny too. I do...the way it turns your golden curls a soft shade of orange, the light it brings to your eyes and your skin. It makes you look like an angel."

"Karniss the things I want to do to you would make the angels blush. So believe me I'm far from an angel, my girl on fire." Cinna's name his creation but it was Peeta who perfected her. Only we know this, his gifts to us are in every part of our lives and Portia's as well.

"So what do you have planned for me Mr. Mellark?" He slowly unbottons my shirt...my new favourite thing to do is wear one of Peeta's botton up shirt and a pair of sleep shorts. This has made him quite happy so I do it was offer as I can steal a shirt that still smells mostly like Peeta.

He slides his hands up my torso and palms at my breasts, kneading at the flesh. I let my eyes fall closed. "God Katniss, my shirts look and smell better against your body...it's just not even fair." I smile and moan. "Then maybe you should take it off of me then, that way we have an even playing field."

His hands rest for a moment on my shoulders before sliding the fabric down and away from my body. "That still unfair Katniss because these..." He gives my breasts a firm squeeze, "just can't compare to anything I can offer."

"I can think of something...something I'd love to get my hands around." I give him a ruefull smile and he raises an eyebrow. "Well Mrs. Mellark will just have to agree that it's a stalemate and we can both win." He kisses me and I laugh against his lips. "I like that idea." "I like you Kat...niss." "I love you Pee...ta."

He pulls me flesh against his body and inspite of the fire all I can feel is the fire that belongs only to Peeta. "I hate every dress in that trunk because you where so beautiful in Cinna's outfit."

I kiss him and when I lace my fingers into his blond curls I let my nails trail his scalp and I hear the growl pass between our bodies and it makes me hungry for every part of him.

"Snow can make you wear some stupid dress, he can force is to say things that mean nothing to us but what I said at the lake...those are the words that matter to me." He grabs a pillow from the couch and places it under my head as he guides me backward.

He knows that the last thing I want to think about is the truck of dresses, or our fake wedding for the Capitol.

"Katniss you know what I love about you." And cue yet another one of Peeta's corny romance rantings. "What?" I say with a smile. "That I'm the only one who's will ever make love to you. It's selfish but it's something I'm kinda proud. I get to spend the rest of my life with Katniss Everdeen. Plus you think my buns are hot." I roll my eyes. "And cheesy too."

We both laugh until he swallows mine in a searing kiss. His hands skim down my sides and I feel as one locks around my waist while the other works at the zipper of my pants. He lifts me up and I let him slide my pants and underwear down.

"You're so beautiful Katniss." I moan when his fingers start to play with my folds. "You're so willing to let me love you, trust me to never hurt you and I know you'd never hurt me." He pushes a finger in and starts to slowly pump. "Tell me what she looks like Katniss? The baby in your dreams."

"I see her sometimes but she always looks the same. She had your bright blue eyes with that same think ring of dark blue. She had your lips too. She has black curl and my skin."

Peeta kisses me on the forehead and places his hand on my stomach. "She sound perfect Katniss. When did you first see her?"

"That night in the cave but I just pushed it out of my mind."

"I want to give her to you...to us...Katniss."

"Peeta this is the worse time to be thinking about it."

"No they need to know that they don't control us. I want a family and I want it with you and the Capitol won't take that away from us."

I'm silent for a moment, not knowing what to say or how to say it. "Ok Peeta. Let's do it." I smile and he kisses me firmly. "Let's make a baby."

I free him from his pants and boxers as quickly as we can and I feel him position himself at my entrance. "Are you sure Katniss?" I nod my head and he trust into me. I lock my arms around his neck and let him set the place for us. "God Katniss I love you." "I love you too Peeta." With that I feel him spills into me before he falls to the floor next to me.

I curl against him body and let my head rest on his chest, over his heart. "Can we stay here tonight Katniss?" I smile and let my fingers trace through his curls. "If I'm going to try on dresses in the morning I'll need a good nights sleep." He kisses my forehead. "Ok I'll take you upstairs but I'm not promising you'll be allowed to sleep." I just smile as he sweeps me into his arms and takes me upstairs.


	40. Catching Fire 8

AN: I had to include this in my story...this part of the book had me laugh so hard I cried and I wanted to ask my own twists to the 'goat scene'

I step into my kitchen and there are two Peacekeepers waiting with guns drawn. Where's Peeta? He said he was going to be here all day? What are they doing here?

"May we ask where you've been, Miss Everdeen?" the woman asks. "Easier to ask where I haven't been," I say with a sound of exasperation. I cross into the kitchen, forcing myself to use my foot normally even though every step is excruciating. I pass between the Peacekeepers and make it to the table all right. I fling my bag down.

They direct me to the living room where I find Peeta sitting at out chess table with Haymitch while my mother and Prim sit on the coich near the fire. What are they all doing here? Were they here by chance or "invited" by the Peacekeepers? Either way, I'm glad to see them.

"So where haven't you been?" says Haymitch in a bored voice.

"Well, I haven't been talking to the Goat Man about getting Prim's goat pregnant, because someone gave me completely inaccurate information as to where he lives." I say to Prim emphatically.

"No, I didn't. Katniss I told you exactly." She rolls her eyes and puts her hands on her hips.

"You said he lives beside the west entrance to the mine."

"The east entrance," Prim corrects me.

"You distinctly said the west, because then I said, 'Next to the slag heap?' you said, 'Yeah,'"

"The slag heap next to the east entrance," says Prim patiently.

"No. When did you say that?" I demand.

"Last night," Haymitch and Peeta chimes in unison.

"It was definitely the east," adds Peeta. He looks at Haymitch and they laugh. I glare at Peeta and he tries to look contrite.

"I'm sorry, but it's what I've been saying. You don't listen when people talk to you." Peeta says give me a smirk.

"Bet people told you he didn't live there today and you didn't listen again," says Haymitch. "Shut up, Haymitch!" I say, clearly indicating he's right. Haymitch and Peeta crack up and Prim allows herself a smile.

"Fine. Somebody else can arrange to get the stupid goat knocked up, while Peeta works on knocking me up." I say glaring at Peeta. If I'm going down I'm taking him with me. This makes them laugh more. And I think, This is why they've made it this far, Haymitch and Peeta. Nothing throws them.

I look at the Peacekeepers. The man's smiling but the woman is unconvinced. "What's in the bag?" she asks sharply. I know she's hoping for game or wild plants. Something that clearly condemns me. I dump the contents on the table. "See for yourself."

"Oh, good," says my mother, examining the cloth. "we're running low on bandages." Peeta comes to the table and opens the candy bag. "Ooh, peppermints. I love you sweetheart." he says, popping one in his mouth. "Peeta they're mine!" I take a swipe for the bag. He tosses it to Haymitch, who stuffs a fistful of sweets in his mouth before passing the bag to a giggling Prim.

"None of you deserves my candy!" I say with a mock anger.

"What, because we're right swertheart?" Peeta wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead. I give a small yelp of pain as my tailbone objects. I try to turn it into a sound of indignation, but I can see in his eyes that he knows I'm hurt.

"Okay, Prim said west. I distinctly heard west. And we're all idiots. Does that make it better?" Peeta says brushig his lips against mine."It's a start Mr. Mellark." I say and lose myself in his kiss.

I look at the Peacekeepers as if I'm suddenly remembering they're there. "You have a message for me?" I say as Peeta keeps a firm but careful grip on me.

"From Head Peacekeeper Thread," says the woman. "He wanted you to know that the fence surrounding District Twelve will now have electricity twenty four hours a day."

"Didn't it already?" I ask, a little too innocently.

"He thought you might be interested in passing this information on to your cousin." says the woman.

"Thank you. I'll tell him. I'm sure we'll all sleep a little more soundly now that security has addressed that lapse." I'm pushing things, I know it, but the comment gives me a sense of satisfaction. The woman's jaw tightens.

None of this has gone as planned, but she has no further orders. She gives me a curt nod and leaves, the man trailing in her wake. When my mother has locked the door behind them, I slump against the table. "What's wrong sweetheart?" His voice is soft and full of concern. "Oh, I banged up my left foot. The heel. And my tail bone's had a bad day, too." He helps me over to one of the rockers and I lower myself onto the padded cushion.

My mother eases off my boots. "What happened?"

"I slipped and fell," I say. Four pairs of eyes look at me with disbelief. "On some ice." But we all know the house must be bugged and it's not safe to talk openly. Not here, not now. Not anymore.

Having stripped off my sock, my mother's fingers probe the bones in my left heel and I wince. "There might be a break." She checks the other foot. "This one seems all right." She judges my tailbone to be badly bruised. Prim's dispatched to get my pajamas and robe.

When I'm changed, my mother makes me a snow pack and Peeta moves me over to the couch. I sit there with one of his arms around me, a pillow under my bottom, and the pack on my ankle. Prim sits on the floor and I brush and rebraid her hair. How was school?" I ask. "All right. We learned about coal by products." she says.

We stare at the fire for a while. "Are you going to try on your wedding dresses?" She says and I hear the excitement in her voice.

"Not tonight. Tomorrow after I've rested." I say.

"Wait until I come over okay Katniss?"

"She wouldn't dream of it little duck." Peeta says and give a gentle tug to one of Prim's braids. "We won't start without you."

"Hungry Katniss? You're on your third bowl." He laughs.

"Your stew's as good as your buns Peeta." This earns me a kiss.

"I'm glad you're safe I was worried about..." Me runnimg off with my 'cousin' and leaving you dead?

"I didn't even...I love you Peeta." I twirl the ring on his finger and feel his body calm.

My mother brings me tea and I can smell the sleep syrup in it so I hold off on drinking it. "Will you be home tomorrow?" I ask and I can see in his eyes he knows what I'm talking about. "Of course I'll be taking care of you and I want to help you pick one out. Drink your tea Katniss." I turn up my nose at his demand and slip it very slowly.

"You always smell so good. Your skin always smells like cinnamon and dill...I like it you smell like my Peeta." He laughs becaise the syrup is slowly taking effect. I let my finger run over the bulge in his pants. Another thing about sleep syrup is much like white liqour it lowers your inhibitions.

"Katniss I'll take you upstairs if you promise to be a good girl and do everything I say." My mind flashes back to the Games for a moment and I smile because things close to this where said under the effect of syrup. "I'll always good just like my buns. I'm hot, and warm, and I taste sweet too."

Peeta picks me up into his arms and brushes his lips against my ear. "You're always sweeter than icing Katniss." When we get upstairs he tucks me into bed and climbs in next to me. "I can't sleep without you Peeta. I'm hurt but you need to stay with me." He pulls me into the crook of his neck and wraps his arms around me as I feel myself pulled under my the drugs but I make out his response. "Always."


	41. Catching Fire 9

"Good morning sweetheart. Breakfast is served." I smile as Peeta sets the tray down on my lap. Breakfast is scrambled eggs, cheese buns, cut fruit, and bacon. "Peeta you have to stop spoiling me, it's only a broken ankle." He just crawls into the bed next to me and lifts a strawberry to my lips. "I'll do whatever I please with you Mrs. Mellark."

I take a slow bite from the strawberry, which Peeta has covered in chocolate and I can't help the moan. "God Peeta. I love you." He feed me most of the fruit and bits of the cheese buns and I let him because it makes him happy. He moves his easel into our bedroom and we start to work on the book.

It's an old thing, made of parchment and leather. Some herbalist on my mother's side of the family started it ages ago. The book's composed of page after page of ink drawings of plants with descriptions of their medical uses. My father added a section on edible plants that was my guidebook to keeping us alive after his death. For a long time, I've wanted to record my own knowledge in it.

Things I learned from experience or from Gale, and then the information I picked up when I was training for the Games. I didn't because I'm no artist and it's so crucial that the pictures are drawn in exact detail. That's where Peeta comes in. Some of the plants he knows already, others we have dried samples of, and others I have to describe.

He makes sketches on scrap paper until I'm satisfied they're right, then I let him draw them in the book. After that, I carefully print all I know about the plant. It's quiet, absorbing work that helps take my mind off my troubles. I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of color to our previously black and yellowish book.

His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him.

I've seen flashes of this before: in the arena, or when he speaks to a crowd, or that time he shoved the Peacekeepers' guns away from me in District 11. I don't know quite what to make of it.

I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But I've been up close to him and I thought I knew everything but things still surprise me. In the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks.

He looks up at me and raises an eyebrow. "What Katniss?"

"And you say I'm the pretty one. You're stunning really."

He laughs and shakes his head. "Has Haymitch been slipping you white liquor Katniss?" I giggle a little because it's my turn to launch into the corny romantic babble.

"Your eyes, close them for a minute." He does as I ask and I run my finger lightly along his lashes. "They're so long and light. Add that to the color of your eyes and they're one of your most stunning features." I lower my gaze to his and find myself biting my own.

"I love how full they are...how thick and full bottom lips is." I trace it with my finger and his lips part and a small moan like sounds escapes. "And the top with that perfect dip. I could kiss you forever." I remove my finger and he smiles.

"Why wait when you could do it now?"

"Do what Peeta?" I try to sound completely innocent.

"Kiss me Katniss. You really should do it now."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you just said that I have stunning eyes, perfect lips, and I'm the best thing that ever happened to you."

"I don't remember that last part but I'll allow it anyway."

"So how about that kiss Katniss?"

I brush my lips against his and whisper into his skin 'best thing ever' with that our lips lock in a kiss that leaves us both breathless and leaves me hungry for those lips to be in a place they haven't since my 'fall.'

"Peeta my ankle really does feel a million time better and I really want you to..." I stop as I feel a blush threaten to creep into my cheeks. It's silly because we have been making love since that night in the Training Center. "Katniss I don't want to hurt you, I miss your taste and your feel but I won't hurt you."

"Please Peeta?" I'm almost begging and I hate it. "Ok but no lying to me. The first second it give you pain I stop. Deal?"

He lifts my good leg first and drapes it over his shoulder. He locks his hand under my knee and lifts my leg off the bed, he moves it in to place slowly and watches my face for a slight sign of pain when he doesn't see it he ducks his head down and runs his nose along my folds.

"God Katniss I've missed your smell. Warm and sweet with a hint of pine. And..." He runs his tongue along the slit and I moan. On the third pass he presses in and I feel myself grow wetter. As his tongue swirls and laps I feel myself aching for more.

"And what Peeta?" He doesn't answer he just picks up his pace and I feel the first of my orgasms threatens to hit me. I smile because Peeta never let's me get of with just one and now that I've shown I'm not in pain I know I'll get more. "Peeta stops."

He lifts his head but doesn't move. "I wanna feel you...and remember we do have a baby to make." Another thing about Peeta is since we decided to have a baby he hasn't wanted to waste an once of orgasm so when we carefully arranges my legs I know I'm getting what I want.

"Katniss one or two every now and then isn't going to hurt our chances. She'll come when she's meant to." He smiles and I know that he's right. "But I'm hurt and I'm selfish and I just want to..." He kisses his way slowly up my torso and he stops at the valley between my breast.

"Well if you're going to be selfish so will I Katniss and I've missed lavishing my attentions on your perfect breasts." I smile because we both know that this is as much his favourite thing to do as it is mine to have it done.

I always keep my fingers locked into his curls, not to control his actions but simply because I love the feel of his silk like curls under my fingers and they are a pleasure all there own. He sucks and nips, rolls and pinches at my nipples and I just watch.

"I love you Peeta." I feel his response against my skin and it sends a shiver through me.

"Promise me..at the first..." I press my finger to his lips. "I will."

At this he's at my entrance and I can't help the moan. He enters me fully and stops, judging my response. He moves in and out in slow thrusts and I feel like keep my face a careful mask.

"Katniss...are you hurting?" His eyes alight with concern that overrides any feelings of pleasure or passion.

"I'm fine...you feel amazing...always so good." He smiles and picks up his paces bit I feel his eyes locked on my face for the first sign. Two orgasms quickly follow and I feel better than I have in days. "Are you hungry?" He asks and my stomach answers for me. We both laugh and he carries me downstairs for the evening.

While he makes dinner I turn on the TV. Usually we only watch when it's mandatory, because the mixture of propaganda and displays of the Capitol's power, including clips from seventy four years of Hunger Games, is so odious. But now I'm looking for something special. The mockingjay that Bonnie and Twill are basing all their hopes on.

I know it's probably foolishness, but if it is, I want to rule it out. And erase the idea of a thriving District 13 from my mind for good. My first sighting is in a news story referencing the Dark Days. I see the smoldering remains of the Justice Building in District 13 and just catch the black and white underside of a mockingjay's wing as it flies across the upper right hand corner.

That doesn't prove anything, really. It's just an old shot that goes with an old tale. However, several days later, something else grabs my attention. The main newscaster is reading a piece about a shortage of graphite affecting the manufacturing of items in District 3. They cut to what is supposed to be live footage of a female reporter, encased in a protective suit, standing in front of the ruins of the Justice Building in 13.

Through her mask, she reports that unfortunately a study has just today determined that the mines of District 13 are still too toxic to approach. End of story. But just before they cut back to the main newscaster, I see the unmistakable flash of that same mockingjays wing. The reporter has simply been incorporated into the old footage.

She's not in District 13 at all. Which begs the question, What is?


	42. Catching Fire 10

AN: Welcome to the story the first real hint of our little 'Propo Baby' She has a name BUT you have to wait until Annie gives Katniss her name in Mockingjay.

We are all gathered in the living room of our house. I sit on the couch nestled into Peeta chest his arms wrapped tightly around me as we watch the special on the choosing of my wedding dress.

Prim is on the floor at our feet. My mother and Haymitch in the rockers.

The anthem plays, and my throat tightens with revulsion as President Snow takes the stage. He's followed by a young boy dressed in a white suit, holding a simple wooden box. I keep my head in Peeta's chest and my face turned toward the screen.

The anthem ends, and President Snow begins to speak, to remind us all of the Dark Days from which the Hunger Games were born. When the laws for the Games were laid out, they dictated that every twenty five years the anniversary would be marked by a Quarter Quell. It would call for a glorified version of the Games to make fresh the memory of those killed by the districts' rebellion. These words could not be more pointed, since I suspect several districts are rebelling right now.

President Snow goes on to tell us what happened in the previous Quarter Quells. "On the twenty fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it."

I wonder how that would have felt. Picking the kids who had to go. It is worse, I think, to be turned over by your own neighbours than have your name drawn from the reaping ball. "On the fiftieth anniversary," the president continues, "as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." I imagine facing a field of forty seven instead of twenty three. Worse odds, less hope, and ultimately more dead kids. That was the year that Haymitch won... . "

"I had a friend who went that year," Says my mother quietly. "Maysilee Donner. Her parents owned the sweetshop. They gave me her songbird after. A canary." Prim and I exchange a look and I notice the color drain from Haymitch's face.

It's the first we've ever heard of Maysilee Donner. Maybe because my mother knew we would want to know how she died. And I wonder why this name effects Haymitch so greatly.

"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell," says the president. The little boy in white steps forward, holding out the box as he opens the lid. We can see the tidy, upright rows of yellowed envelopes. Whoever devised the Quarter Quell system had prepared for centuries of Hunger Games. The president removes an envelope clearly marked with a 75. He runs his finger under the flap and pulls out a small square of paper.

Without hesitation, he reads, "On the seventy fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

My mother gives a faint shriek, Prim buries her face in her hands, and I feel Peeta arms lock around me like a vice grip, but I feel more like the people I see in the crowd on television. Slightly baffled. What does it mean? Existing pool of victors? Then I get it, what it means. At least, for me. District 12 only has three existing victors to choose from. Two male. One female ... We are going back into the arena.

The sound that rips from me is a deep guttural scream and the only thing holding me from the blinding rage is Peeta grip on my body. Then the tears come. "No! No, no, no! Oh God Peeta we're going back in! Everything we...NO!"

I try in vain to break free from his grip but he holds me firm. "Katniss I'm here...you're safe...I'm here...always." He repeats these words until I calm down. I look and see Prim in my mother's arm and Haymitch hands me a silver flask and I take a deep swig without flinching. The burn feels like nothing to me now and I take another before Peeta takes it from my hand. "We're doomed Peeta. There's no way we're going in there and coming out alive...Snow will make sure of that."

"Calm down Katniss...we'll think of something."

"Like what Peeta! Nothing will save us...no handful of berries is going to work this time! We're going to die...we just got married and now we're going to die!" I clamp my hands over my mouth but the words have already left my mouth.

Three pairs of eyes stare back at us and I want to be sick and it has nothing to do with the white liquor. "What are you talking about Katniss? Your only 16."

"It was before the Victory Tour, I wanted to do something to let her know how much she meant to me, how happy she made me. I thought the Tour would be the perfect time. I had Cinna design her...us...rings, she told you where a gift from our teams."

I find my voice and pick up the story. "I knew we to young to do anything real, but I wanted to do something. So when I called Cinna he said he already had an outfit made so he sent it to me. We packed a picnic lunch and went to the little house and said our vows and used the toasting fork Peeta's father had given us when we moved in here. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd throw a fit because of our ages."

She holds out her arms to me and only then does Peeta let go of me. I welcome my mother's embrace without hesitation. "I love you, I'm not mad I just wish we'd known." She says and strokes my hair. "It doesn't matter now because we'll never have a chance to have a real wedding."

"So does this mean that Peeta's my brother now?" We all laugh and Prim looks unhappy because no one has answered her question. "Yes little duck...it does mean that, of you want, you can call me your big brother." He picks Prim up and twirls her around before kissing her cheek. This makes her happy.

"So Katniss Everdeen is now Katniss Mellark." I smile and feel Peeta's arm wrap around me. "She makes me so happy. I love her Mrs. Everdeen." For a second I swear I see my mother blush. That's the power Peeta has over people. "You can call me Violet, Peeta. I have a son now, I never thought that would happen until Prim got married."

I am caught off guard when I'm passed from Peeta to Haymitch. "I told you that you could do worse sweetheart. You two might be a pain in my ass with your coin flips and all that but you two are the closest to kids I'm ever gonna see so..." Peeta laughs and I kiss Haymitch on the cheek. "We love you too, Haymitch."

We say good night to everyone and promise Haymitch will be over in the afternoon. I close and lock the door and Peeta's arms are again locked around me. "I love you Mrs. Mellark." He kiss up my neck and I smile. "I love you too Mr. Mellark."

We spend a good part of the night talking, making love, planning things out. We wake in the morning and eat a quick breakfast before we head into town.

We had asked my mother and Prim to keep our toasting a secret and they did. We stop my the bakery and make small talk with Steven. After that we go to a few shops and pick up what little we can. We have lunch at Greasy Sae's and the pit the first part of our plan in motion.

Ripper lost an arm in a mine accident a few years before my father was killed. She's managed to find a way to survive and for that reason I have a great deal of respect for her. "Oh here's two of my favourite people." I smile.

"Morning Ripper but we're not here to buy where here to make you a deal." I say and she raises an eyebrow. Peeta gives her two loaves of bread. "We'll bring you bread three times a week if...you refuse to sell anything to Haymitch." I take a small pouch from my pocket. "I'll bring you one of these every Friday." She looks shocked but we have a deal.

"Let's go see our mentor shall we Katniss?" I take his arm and we walk back to the Victor's Village nibbling at some cookies we bought from Peeta's father.

Haymitch never locks his door and we have always just walked in as we please. He's passed out at the table, a knife in one hand and an empty bottle in the other. Peeta goes through every room in the upstairs while I go through the downstairs and we both go through the basement.

I slip the knife from his hands and wakes him up without needing to use the water. I had him some broth and he sips it slowly until Peeta comes back into the kitchen with the cardboard box of empty bottles.

"There, it's done Katniss." He says.

It's taking all of Haymitch's resources to focus his eyes on the bottles, but after a minute he finds his voice. "What's done boy?"

"I've poured all the liquor down the drain." Peeta says with a trace of a smile on his face. This seems to jolt Haymitch out of his stupor, and he paws through the box in disbelief. "You what?"

"We tossed the lot of it all." says Peeta. "I'll just buy more." He says with a snap."Oh no you won't. We tracked down Ripper this morning and told her we'd turn her in the second she sold to you. We paid her off too, just for good measure. I don't think she's eager to be back in the Peacekeepers' custody." I say with a smile and he shoots use both a quite dirty look that promises to bring about our deaths.

"What's the point to this?" asks Haymitch. "The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor," says Peeta.

"Effie's sending me recordings of all the living victors. We're going to watch their Games and learn everything we can about how they fight. We're going to put on weight and get strong. We're going to start acting like Careers. And one of us is going to be victor again whether you two like it or not!" He sweeps out of the room, slamming the front door. Haymitch and I wince at the bang.

"I don't like self righteous people." I say with a roll of my eyes. "What's to like?" says Haymitch, who begins sucking the dregs out of the empty bottles. "You and me. That's who he plans on coming home, you know." Haymitch manages a smile. "Well, then the joke's on him, isn't it?"

Every morning we do exercises to strengthen our bodies. We run and lift things and stretch our muscles. Every afternoon we work on combat skills, throwing knives, fighting hand to hand; I even teach them to climb trees. Officially, tributes aren't supposed to train, but no one tries to stop us. Even in regular years, the tributes from Districts 1, 2, and 4 show up able to wield spears and swords. This is nothing by comparison.

After all the years of abuse, Haymitch's body resists improvement. He's still remarkably strong, but the shortest run winds him. And you'd think a guy who sleeps every night with a knife might actually be able to hit the side of a house with one, but his hands shake so badly it takes weeks for him to achieve even that.

Peeta and I excel under the new regimen, though. It gives me something to do. It gives us all something to do besides accept defeat. My mother puts us on a special diet to gain weight and I do well until I start to get sick, but I tell her it's just stress. Prim treats our sore muscles. Madge sneaks us her father's Capitol newspapers. Predictions on who will be victor of the victors show us among the favourites.

Even Gale steps into the picture on Sundays, although he's got no love for Peeta or Haymitch, and teaches us all he knows about snares. It's weird for me, being in conversations with both Peeta and Gale, but they seem to have set aside whatever issues they have about me.

"It would be a lot easier on me if I could just hate him but I can't because it's clear how in love he is with you and how happy you are with him." This throws me for a loop. Since I don't plan on making it back alive a second time, the sooner Gale lets me go, the better. I do plan on saying one or two things to him after the reaping, when we're allowed an hour for good byes.

To let Gale know how essential he's been to me all these years. How much better my life has been for knowing him. For loving him, even if it's only in the limited way that I can manage. But I never get the chance.

Reaping Day comes and we are immediately marched into the Justice Building to find Head Peacekeeper Thread waiting for us. "New procedure," he says with a smile. We're ushered out the back door, into a car, and taken to the train station.

There are no cameras on the platform, no crowd to send us on our way. Haymitch and Effie appear, escorted by guards. Peacekeepers hurry us all onto the train and slam the door. The wheels begin to turn. And I'm left staring out the window, watching District 12 disappear, with all my good byes still hanging on my lips.

We eat a meal in relative silence because every time someone tries to start a conversation it quickly dies out. I'm feeling dizzy and Peeta orders me to go lay down after dinner and I tell him I can't sleep without him but he kisses my forehead and tells me he'll be in the media car if I wake up.

So I go to bed and, sure enough, within a few hours I awake from a nightmare where that old woman from District 4 transforms into a large rodent and gnaws on my face. I know I was screaming, but no one comes. Not Peeta, not even one of the Capitol attendants.

I pull on a robe to try to calm the gooseflesh crawling over my body. Staying in my compartment is impossible, so I decide to go find someone to make me tea or hot chocolate or anything. I order warm milk, the most calming thing I can think of, from an attendant. Hearing voices from the television room, I go in and find Peeta.

Beside him on the couch is the box Effie sent of tapes of the old Hunger Games. I recognize the episode in which Brutus became victor. Peeta rises and flips off the tape when he sees me. "Couldn't sleep sweetheart?" I smile weakly and he holds his arms open to me.

"Not for long. Not without you...you know this." I say as I am wrapped in the warmth that belongs to only him and I let out a somewhat content sigh. "Want to talk about it?" he asks, we have sometimes shared our nightmares and it helps, but I just shake my head, feeling weak that people I haven't even fought yet already haunt me.

The arrival of the Capitol attendant with the warm milk is what breaks us apart. He sets a tray with a steaming ceramic jug and two mugs on a table. "I brought an extra cup," he says.

"Thank you very much." I say.

"And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice," he adds. He looks at us like he wants to say more, then gives his head a slight shake and backs out of the room.

"What's with him?" I say as I split the milk and offer it to Peeta. "I think he feels bad for us. I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in or the other victors. They get attached to their champions."

"I'm guessing they'll get over it once the blood starts flowing. So, you're watching all the tapes again?" I say as he sets down his milk and wraps me back into his arms. "Just glancing over them really. There's only one we haven't watched and that's..."

"The second Quarter Quell. Haymitch's Games." I say as I hold the tape in my hands. "It just seems wrong but at the same time maybe it would help us understand him better." I say bit a part of me doesn't have a desire to see the things that are his nightmares.

Peeta clicks off the tape and we sit there in silence for a while. Finally Peeta says, "That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon."

"Not just against the other tributes, but the Capitol, too. You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television. It's almost as bad as us and the berries!"

"Almost, but not quite," says Haymitch from behind us. I whip around, afraid he's going to be angry over us watching his tape, but he just smirks and takes a swig from a bottle of wine. So much for sobriety.

I guess I should be upset he's drinking again, but I'm preoccupied with another feeling. I've spent all these weeks getting to know who my competitors are, without even thinking about who my teammates are.

Now a new kind of confidence is lighting up inside of me, because I think I finally know who Haymitch is. And I'm beginning to know who I am. And surely, two people who have caused the Capitol so much trouble can think of a way to get Peeta home alive.


	43. Catching Fire 11

I let out a sigh of relief as I feel his arm wrap around my waist and I am pressed into his body but something's wrong because the warmth does not belong to Peeta.

"Want a sugar cube? They're supposed to be for the horses, but who cares? They've got years to eat sugar, whereas you and I...well, if we see something sweet, we better grab it quick."

He releases me and when I turn I am staring into Finnick Odair's famous sea green eyes. Up close they are equally as perfect as Peeta's sky blue ones.

He pops a sugar cube in his mouth and leans into me. "Hello, Katniss." He says with a seductive purr, as if we've been lovers for years, when in fact we've never met.

"Hello, Finnick." I say, just as casually, although I'm feeling uncomfortable at his closeness, especially since he's got so much bare skin exposed. He's draped in a golden net that's strategically knotted at his groin so that he can't technically be called naked, but he's about as close as you can get. I'm sure his stylist thinks the more of Finnick the audience sees, the better.

"No thanks but you'll have to let me borrow that outfit sometime Odair. You're stylist is very daring." I give him a smile and try to not look at anything below his face. It's not that I've never seen a naked man before but I am married to Peeta. Not that anyone in the Capitol knows that.

Finnick seems to have no problem letting his eyes roam freely over every inch of my body. The suites that Cinna and Portia put us in leave little to the imagination but I am still covered.

"You're absolutely terrifying me in that getup. What happened to the pretty little girl dresses and those mouth watering evening gowns?" He wets his lips just ever so slightly with his tongue. Probably this drives most people crazy. But for some reason all I can think of is old Cray, salivating over some poor, starving young woman.

"I've thankfully outgrown them." I say trying to sound indifferent but feeling like I've failed.

Finnick's fingers lace into my hair and play with my curls as he takes a step closer to me. "It's too bad about this Quell thing. You could have made out like a bandit in the Capitol. Jewels, money, anything you wanted." His lips hover over my ear I can smell the sea air on his breath.

"I don't like jewels, and I have more money than I need. What do you spend all yours on, anyway, Finnick?" I say and he steps closer.

"Oh, I haven't dealt in anything as common as money for years."

"Then how do they pay you for the pleasure of your company?"

"With secrets," He says softly and before I can protest he wraps his arm around me and crushes his lips to mine. I pull away l and I try to hide the shock but he just smiles. "What about you, girl on fire? Do you have any secrets worth my time?"

For some stupid reason, I blush, but I force myself to hold my ground. "No, I'm an open book," I whisper back. "everybody seems to know my secrets before I know them myself."

"Unfortunately, I think that's true." His eyes flicker off to the side. "Peeta's coming. Sorry you have to cancel your wedding. I know how devastating that must be for you." He tosses another sugar cube in his mouth and saunters off.

Peeta's beside me placing a gentle kiss to my cheeks as he wraps his arm around my waist.

"What did Finnick Odair want?" I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick.

"He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets and then he kissed me." I say in my best imitation of Finnick's seductive purr.

Peeta tightens his grip on my waist. "Did he really? That son of a bitch. I should go over and..." I kiss him lightly and feel his body relax a bit.

"I'm yours Peeta. I love you. I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling."

"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won?" Peeta asks, glancing around at the other victors but keeping his arm protectively locked around me. "Just another part of the freak show?" I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"Sure. Especially you Mr. Mellark." I say say in a mocking tone.

"Oh. And why especially me, Mrs. Mellark?" He says with a smile.

"Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don't." I say with an air of superiority.

"They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you'd be lost entirely." I say as I let my head rest on his shoulder.

"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness. Except possibly when it comes to you."

The music is beginning and I see the wide doors opening for the first chariot, hear the roar of the crowd.

"Shall we?" He holds out a hand to help me into the chariot. I climb up and pull him up after me.

"Hold still." I say and straighten his crown. "Have you seen your suit turned on? We're going to be fabulous again."

"Absolutely. But Portia says we're to be very above it all. No waving or anything," He says with a slight smile.

"Where are they, anyway?" I eye the procession of chariots.

"Maybe we better go ahead and switch ourselves on."

We do, and as we begin to glow, I can see people pointing at us and chattering, and I know that, once again, we'll be the talk of the opening ceremonies. We're almost at the door.

I crane my head around, but neither Portia nor Cinna, who were with us right up to the final second last year, are anywhere in sight.

"Are we supposed to hold hands this year?" I ask as innocently as I can manage.

"I guess they've left it up to us, but I'm never going to pass up a chance to touch any part of you Katniss."

I look up into those blue eyes that no amount of dramatic makeup can make truly deadly and remember how, just a year ago, I was prepared to kill him. Convinced he was trying to kill me.

I'm determined to keep him alive, knowing the cost will be my own life, but the part of me that is not so brave as I could wish is glad that it's Peeta, not Haymitch, beside me. Because Peeta will need Haymitch, he will be the one to help Peeta fight the darkness once I'm gone. Our hands find each other without further discussion.

As I walk toward the elevators, my hand still linked with Peeta's, someone else rustles up to my side. The girl pulls off a headdress of leafy branches and tosses it behind her without bothering to look where it falls.

Johanna Mason. From District 7 Lumber and paper, thus the tree. She won by very convincingly portraying herself as weak and helpless so that she would be ignored. Then she demonstrated a wicked ability to murder.

She ruffles up her spiky hair and rolls her wide set brown eyes. "Isn't my costume awful? My stylist's the biggest idiot in the Capitol. Our tributes have been trees for forty years under her. Wish I'd gotten Cinna. You look fantastic." Girl talk. That thing I've always been so bad at. Opinions on clothes, hair, makeup. So I lie.

"Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet." Velvet. The only fabric. I could think of off the top of my head.

"I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District Two? The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back," says Johanna.

I bet you did, I think. With a few inches of my flesh.

While we wait for the elevators, Johanna asks Finnick if he'll help her undo her zipper. The tree drops to the floor, and then she kicks it away in disgust. Except for her forest green slippers, she doesn't have on a stitch of clothing. "That's better." She signs.

"Ladies and gentlemen may I present the lovely Johanna Mason, District 7's favourite axe wielding victor. And may I say she looks killer in her new attire." Finnick says and everyone but me laughs.

We end up on the same elevator with her, and she spends the whole ride to the seventh floor chatting to Peeta about his paintings while the light of his still glowing costume reflects off her bare breasts. When she leaves, I ignore him, but I just know he's grinning. I toss aside his hand as the doors close behind Chaff and Seeder, leaving us alone, and he breaks out laughing.

"What Peeta!" I say, turning on him as we step out on our floor.

"It's you, Katniss. Can't you see?"

"What about me?" I say and I feel the anger rise.

"Why they're all acting like this. Finnick with his sugar cubes and him and Chaff kissing you, that whole thing with Johanna stripping down." He tries to take on a more serious tone, unsuccessfully.

"They're playing with you because you're so ... you know."

"No, I don't know. I really have no idea what you're talking about Peeta."

"You're so...pure." He finally says and starts to snicker.

"I am not!" I scream and I hit Peeta square in the chest.

"I've been practically ripping your clothes off every time there's been a camera for the last year!"

"Yeah, but...I mean, for the Capitol, you're pure," He says quickly, clearly trying to mollify me. "For me, you're nothing short of absolute perfection. They're just teasing you."

"No, they're laughing at me, and so are you!"

Peeta shakes his head, but he's still suppressing a smile. He grabs my wrists and pins my hands above my head with one hand while he quickly unzips the front of my suite with the other.

His hand slips in and begins to knead at my breast. "Forgive me Katniss? I was just playing with you and once I get you out of this suite I plan to play with every part of you, if you'll let me?"

He kisses me and I feel my lips start to bruise at his assault. I drop hands and let them fall around his neck as he lifts my leg and presses himself against me.

"I guess I can forgive you this time." He smile as his hand slips between our bodies, he pushes into me and I moan.

"I have to admit that jealousy makes me want you more. I saw Finnick kissing you, that did things to me Katniss."

The ding sounds and we have reached our floor. Peeta zips my suite and wraps his arm around me. "I'm going to have you for dessert before dinner."


	44. Catching Fire 12

As we all gather for dinner, I notice Peeta's hands are still faintly stained with a variety of colors, even though his hair is still damp from our shower. He must have done some form of camouflage after all.

I wanted to ask after our sessions but he was oddly quite and withdrawn, he had pulled me to our sleeping car, made love in a slow and passionate way that demanded comfort so I just gave him what he wanted. He would talk about it when he was ready.

Once the soup is served, Haymitch gets right to the issue on everyone's mind. "All right, so how did your private sessions go?" I exchange a look with Peeta, somehow I'm not that eager to put what I did into words and I'm sure that Peeta doesn't as well.

In the calm of the dining room, it seems very extreme. "You first Peeta it must have been really special. I had to wait for forty minutes to go in."

Peeta lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around my waist. I feel his body tense and I kiss his forehead. "Well, I...I did the camouflage thing, like you suggested, Katniss. Not exactly camouflage. I mean, I used the dyes."

"To do what?" Portia asks. I think of how ruffled the Gamemakers were when I entered the gym for my session. The smell of cleaners. The mat pulled over that spot in the center of the gym. Was it to conceal something they were unable to wash away?

"You painted something, didn't you? A picture." I ask as soon as the idea hits me.

"Did you see it?" Peeta asks his face brightening for a moment.

"No. But they'd made a real point of covering it up."

"Well, that would be standard. They can't let one tribute know what another did. What did you paint, Peeta?" She looks a little misty. "Was it a picture of Katniss?"

"Why would he paint a picture of me, Effie? He showed off a half dozen durring the Victory Tour and there are ones up in our house." I ask, somehow annoyed.

"To show he's going to do everything he can to defend you. That's what everyone in the Capitol's expecting, anyway. Didn't he volunteer to go in with you?" Effie says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Actually, I painted a picture of Rue. How she looked after Katniss and me covered her in flowers before they came to get her. They didn't show that on air."

There's a long pause at the table while everyone absorbs this. "And what exactly were you trying to accomplish?" Haymitch asks in a very measured voice.

"I'm not sure. I just wanted to hold them accountable, if only for a moment for killing that little girl." I kiss Peeta's forehead and he holds me tighter.

"This is dreadful." Effie sounds like she's about to cry. "That sort of thinking...it's forbidden, Peeta. Absolutely. You'll only bring down more trouble on yourself and Katniss."

"I have to agree with Effie on this one," says Haymitch.

Portia and Cinna remain silent, but their faces are very serious. Of course, they're right. But even though it worries me, I think what he did was amazing. "I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Crane's name on it," I say this and every pair of eyes is focused on me, even Peeta's.

This has the desired effect. After a moment of disbelief, all the disapproval in the room hits me like a ton of bricks.

"You...hung...Seneca Crane?" says Cinna.

"Yes. I was showing off my new knot tying skills that I mostly learned for Finnick Odair and he somehow he ended up at the end of the noose."

"Oh, Katniss," says Effie in a hushed voice. "How do you even know about that?"

"Is it a secret? President Snow didn't act like it was. In fact, he seemed eager for me to know. And our New Head Gamesmaster, Plutarch Heavensbee, informed me that when given the option Ceneca Crane decided to stop breathing over the Nightlock, so I assumed he hung himself with one of those ties he loved so much."

Effie leaves the table with her napkin pressed to her face.

"Oh just great now I've upset Effie. I should have lied and said I shot some arrows."

"You'd have thought we planned it Katniss." says Peeta, giving me just the hint of a smile.

"Didn't you?" asks Portia. Her fingers press her eyelids closed as if she's warding off a very bright light.

"Of course not." I say, looking at Peeta with a new sense of appreciation. "Neither of us even knew what we were going to do before we went in."

"Oh Haymitch, we decided we don't want any other allies in the arena." Peeta looks at me and I nod.

"Good. Then I won't be responsible for you killing off any of my friends with your stupidity." He says as he takes a drink.

"That's just what we were thinking." I tell him as we finish the meal in silence, but when we rise to go into the sitting room, Cinna puts his arm around me and gives me a squeeze. "Come on and let's go get those training scores."

"We both pull 12 on our training scores. Why did they do that?" I say and look to Haymitch.

"So that the others will have no choice but to target you," Says Haymitch flatly. "Go to bed. I can't stand to look at either one of you."


	45. Catching Fire 13

We lie there for a while, limbs tangles together, in no real rush to begin the day. Tomorrow night will be the televised interview, so today Effie and Haymitch should be coaching us.

"More high heels and sarcastic comments." I feel Peeta's laugh as I press my cheek into the warmth of his chest.

The redheaded Avox girl comes in with a note from Effie saying that, given our recent tour, both she and Haymitch have agreed we can handle ourselves adequately in public. The coaching sessions have been canceled. "Really?" says Peeta, taking the note from my hand and examining it.

"Do you know what this means? We'll have the whole day to ourselves. So I can do whatever I want to you...maybe I'll keep you in bed all day and have my way with you over and over again." Peeta give me a gentle squeeze.

"It's too bad we can't go somewhere." I say wistfully.

"Who says we can't?" He asks as he pulls me from the bed.

"What do you have in mind Mr. Mellark?" I say as he wraps me into his arms and buries his nose in my hair.

"A day long picnic on the roof. How does that sound Mrs. Mellark? We could pack a lunch, take some blankets, make love like we did that one time." He kisses up my neck and I giggle.

I set out the blanket and Peeta sets up our breakfast of these little dough balls filled with jewel colored jellies, fresh cut fruit, and tea. Peeta sits and taps his lap, I smile and sit down. His arm wraps around my waist I place a kiss on his cheek. "Are you hungry Katniss?"

I nod my head and he lifts the strawberry to my lips and I take a large bite. He rolls the berry across my lips and I tilt my head so I can kiss him. He swirls his tongue around mine and I moan causing him to pull me closer. I pick up a cheese bun and break it in half.

"These aren't as good as yours but...hmm...they're still good." He laughs.

"Nothing's as good as my buns Katniss."

"Peeta...thank you." I place small kisses along the curve of his neck.

"For what?" I reach his ear and let my breath cause goosebumps to form on his skin.

"For showing them...I know they saw it during the games but I'm glad it effect them seeing it again. I just wish I'd seen it...if it's not to painful would you paint it for me or sketch it?"

I see the sad smile that graces his face and I feel awful for asking. "For you I'd do anything Katniss. So if you pick some vines and work on your knots I'll do it...deal?" I kiss him firmly and he groans when I get off of his lap.

I walk around snipping vines and flowers and when I have a good amount I sit on the blanket and start twisting and braiding. "No looking until I'm done Katniss. I want it to be a surprise."

I roll my eyes and smile. "But I already know what it is Peeta." He smile and throws a blackberry at me, which I catch in my mouth.

"Wow you're good at that." He says and throws another.

"Lots of practice with..." I let my words die and I drop my eyes.

"With Gale, right?" He smiles but the light doesn't reach his eyes.

"I don't want to...to talk about him...not here."

"Katniss he's as much a part of you as Prim is. He loves you and if it wasn't for me you'd be with him."

"Maybe but he doesn't effect me the way you do. It's just not the same between him and you." I see him smile a little.

"Why is that Katniss?"

"It like that dandelion. That day at school, after the bread. I picked it and somewhere in my mind I connected it to you. The bread, the bright color, it gave me hope. Enough hope to send me into the woods one day with one of my father's bows. So really you're the reason I started to provide for my family and the others in the District."

"I met Gale and it took maybe six months for him to break through and start having a real effect on me but he's Gale. He's got fire, he's as stubborn as me and just about hot headed. He said I was the only one who stood up to him, didn't back down. Truth is I was scared of him and always a little confused. He would hold me like you do, my head on his chest and his arms around me but never more until just recently."

I see a spark of pain light in Peeta's eyes and it kills me. "I'm the girl on fire, Peeta. I feel like I have enough fire and rage of my own without adding Gale's to it. You have those things too fire and passion but you balance me out. I'm a whole person when I'm with you."

"Do you want to see it, it's finished." He smiles at me and closes the sketchbook placing one of Prim's hair ribbons to make the page. He holds his arms open to me and I smile.

"I love you Katniss, I've loved you for most of our lives.I'm not perfect but I love you as perfectly as I can...insecurities and all. Jealous and bitter but I hold you every night and I am amazed that you're there and you trust me enough to let me hold you like that, touch you."

"You said your vows to me and my heart wanted to burst. You make me better...these months have been a heaven on earth for me and I'm sorry to see it end but I will always love you and no one...not Snow...not the Capitol...or even the Games will take that from me, from us. Now close your eyes."

I do and I feel him place the book on my lap and guide my hand to the ribbon and he tells me to open my eyes. I open the book and my heart almost stops.

"Oh..my God...Peeta it's amazing. I love it, she looks so...just like she was." I turn and see tears in his eyes and I kiss him, the slow gentle kiss that always brings me comfort.

"Katniss I have something else to show you but I was waiting for the right time and maybe that should be now." He again tells me to close my eyes and I do. I hear the pages flip and then he stops. "Ok Katniss open your eyes.

I do and I see her every detail perfect. Her eyes a bright beautiful blue, her hair in silky dark down curls, her lips full like Peeta's and her jaw set like mine, plump arms and legs, and a rounded stomach.

"You where right. She is perfect. Everything I've dreamed of and more. Thank you...I love you so much. I want to..."

I cut off my own words with a searing kiss. Too much emotion running through me at once and I can't fight the needs inside of me. Peeta guides us backward and I turn so that I'm straddling him and his hands go to my waist.

His hands slide up my torso and firmly cup my breasts through the the fabric of my bra. I moan and he squeezes harder. I rock my hips and feel him as he grows harder under me. My shirt and my bra are quickly disguarded along with Peeta's shirt.

Our pants and underwear follow and when I grab the second blanket Peeta again laughs at me. "Katniss no one's going to come up here and even if they do I don't care, let him watch if they want, sweetheart." I blush and he cups my cheeks in his hands.

"I love you Katniss and I wasn't making fun of you I promise." I smile and he gives me a quick and gentle kiss.

"I know and I love you too."

He slides in slowly and I feel with every inch of him the slow building of that fire that always promises to consume us. I love these movements where everything is drawn out in gentle strokes and trust. Where our heart touch more than our bodies.

I run my hands lightly up his back, dragging my nails but not drawing blood. "Katniss you always feel so good, so impossibly good." I smile because once again Peeta has stolen my words.

"Hmm I agree Mr. Mellark we do feel amazing together."

He pushes my legs higher up his back but keeps his thrusts slow, this causes my body to ache for more with each trust.

"Peeta please I need...I want...more." He smile turns a bit wicked.

"You already have every...inch...of me...deep inside."

I return his smile and form a plan in my mind. "I don't care who comes, or who sees us. I want you hard and deep inside me..." I bite my lips because I am not good with dirty talk and because Peeta's said I'm sexy when I do it. "I want you to...fuck me...Peeta."

This earns me a bigger smile as he brings my ankles up and holds them to his shoulders and picks up the tempo of his trusts. His fire overtakes me and I'm digging my nails into his flesh and the growl that rips from him makes me moan. We both come quickly and Peeta rolls us so that I'm pulled into the crook of his neck and his arms are wrapped tightly around him.

"Lets play a game Peeta." I place a gentle kiss to his chest and let my nose run along the soft light golden hairs.

"Let's get dressed and grab the apples." He raises an eyebrow and I laugh.

I sit and cut the apples into cubes, the whole time Peeta watches me. "Ok the rules are simple one of us throws an chunk at the force field and when it shots back the other has to catch it." He wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my forehead.

"Sounds like fun Katniss," he takes the chunk from my hand and throws it, "you first Mrs. Mellark."

It pops back and I catch it in my hands before popping it into my mouth. We both laugh and the game goes on until the apples are gone.

"My favourite part was when that one chuck came back and hit you in the forehead." I laugh but Peeta just glares at me.

"Well you didn't see the chunk coming that hit you in the ass sweetheart." He smiles when I turn my head to look at him but before I can say anything his hand lands square on my bottom and I curse,

"Damn it Peeta." He smiles looking innocent.

"You where such a bad girl, making fun of me."

I stick my tongue out and he sucks it into his mouth and kisses me with a bruising force. "I'm sorry Peeta. Forgive me?" I pout my lips and he kisses me gently.

"Just this once."

I find myself braiding together flowers and vines to make a rope. My head resting in Peeta's lap, my hair splayed out as his fingers run and twist and pull.

"What are you doing Peeta? With my hair I mean?" He smile faining innocence.

"Practicing my knots. I just like using your hair better."

"I' m tired I'm just going to close my eyes for a moment. Wake me before ok?" He kisses my forehead and I let my eyes close. An hour or two passes and Peeta gently wakes me.

"Katniss it's almost sunset I know you wanted to see it."

He wraps me into his eyes as we watch the color of the sky change from shades of blues to red and that soft orange he loves so much.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever." He says the sadness heavy in his voice.

"I'll allow it."


	46. Catching Fire 14

Cinna helps me carefully into the gown. As it settles on my shoulders, they can't help giving a shrug of complaint. "Was it always this heavy?"

I remember several of the dresses being dense, but this one feels like it weighs a ton. "I had to make some slight alterations because of the lighting." Cinna says with a small smile and I just nod, but I can't see what that has to do with anything.

He decks me out in the shoes and the pearl jewelry and the veil, touches up my makeup, then has me walk a little. "You're ravishing, but I like your real outfit better." We both share a smile before his face turns serious.

"Now, Katniss, because this bodice is so fitted, I don't want you raising your arms above your head. Well, not until you twirl, anyway."

I roll my eyes and try to hide my distaste. "Will I be twirling again?" I ask, thinking of my dress last year.

"I'm sure Caesar will ask you. And if he doesn't, you suggest it yourself. Only not right away. Save it for your big finale." Cinna instructs me.

"You give me a signal so I know when." He nods and give me a last once over.

"All right. Any plans for your interview? I know Haymitch left you two to your own devices," I smile when I think about what leaving us to our own devices meant this time around.

"No, this year I'm just winging it. The funny thing is, I'm not nervous at all." And I'm not. However much President Snow may hate me, this Capitol audience is mine.

The other tributes have already gathered offstage and are talking softly, but when Peeta and I arrive, they fall silent. I realize everyone's staring daggers at my wedding dress. Are they jealous of its beauty? The power it might have to manipulate the crowd?

Finally Finnick says, "I can't believe Cinna put you in that thing." I smile as sweetly as I can and then I smirk.

"This wasn't Cinna's idea, he had another dress in mind. He didn't have any choice. President Snow made him put me in his." I say, somewhat defensively. I won't let anyone criticize Cinna.

Cashmere tosses her flowing blond curls back and spits out, "Well, you look ridiculous!" She grabs her brother's hand and pulls him into place to lead our procession onto the stage.

The other tributes begin to line up as well. I'm confused because, while they all are angry, some are giving us sympathetic pats on the shoulder, and Johanna Mason actually stops to straighten my pearl necklace. "Make him pay for it, okay?" she says.

I nod, but I don't know what she means. Not until we're all sitting out onstage and Caesar Flickerman, hair and face highlighted in lavender this year, has done his opening spiel and the tributes begin their interviews. This is the first time I realize the depth of betrayal felt among the victors and the rage that accompanies it.

But they are so smart, so wonderfully smart about how they play it, because it all comes back to reflect on the government and President Snow in particular. Not everyone. There are the old throwbacks, like Brutus and Enobaria, who are just here for another Games, and those too baffled or drugged or lost to join in on the attack.

But there are enough victors who still have the wits and the nerve to come out fighting.

Cashmere starts the ball rolling with a speech about how she just can't stop crying when she thinks of how much the people in the Capitol must be suffering because they will lose us.

Gloss recalls the kindness shown here to him and his sister.

Beetee questions the legality of the Quell in his nervous, twitchy way, wondering if it's been fully examined by experts of late.

Finnick recites a poem he wrote to his one true love in the Capitol, and about a hundred people faint because they're sure he means them. But I remember that girl back in District 4 who screamed when his name was called, could she be the girl in the poem?

By the time Johanna Mason gets up, she's asking if something can't be done about the situation. Surely the creators of the Quarter Quell never anticipated such love forming between the victors and the Capitol. No one could be so cruel as to sever such a deep bond.

Seeder quietly ruminates about how, back in District 11, everyone assumes President Snow is all powerful. So if he's all powerful, why doesn't he change the Quell?

And Chaff, who comes right on her heels, insists the president could change the Quell if he wanted to, but he must not think it matters much to anyone.

By the time I'm introduced, the audience is an absolute wreck. People have been weeping and collapsing and even calling for change. The sight of me in my white silk bridal gown practically causes a riot. No more me, no more star crossed lovers living happily ever after, no more wedding.

I can see even Caesar's professionalism showing some cracks as he tries to quiet them so I can speak, but my three minutes are ticking quickly away.

Finally there's a lull and he gets out, "So, Katniss, obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"That I so sorry that we'll never be able to have a wedding here in the Capitol for all of you to share with us, but at least President Snow was nice enough to let you all see me in the dress you pick for me and it really is such a beautiful dress." I need no cue from Cinna I begin to twirl and that's when it all starts.

I hear gasps and screams, see smoke from fire...not the fire from Peeta's silk paint dress or our chariot outfits bit I real fire that threatens to consume me. When I realize the fire is not hurting me I continue to twirl.

When I stop I an surrounded by bits of ashen fabric and broken pearls but I am wearing a coal black version of my other dress but this one is made of tiny feathers. Wonderingly, I lift my long, flowing sleeves into the air, and that's when I see myself on the television screen.

Clothed in black except for the white patches on my sleeves. Or should I say my wings. Because Cinna has turned me into a mockingjay.

"Don't worry. I always channel my emotions into my work. That way I don't hurt anyone but myself." I'm afraid he has hurt himself beyond repair. The significance of my fiery transformation will not be lost on President Snow.

The audience, who's been stunned into silence, breaks into wild applause. I can barely hear the buzzer that indicates that my three minutes are up.

Caesar thanks me and I go back to my seat, my dress now feeling lighter than air. I pass Peeta on his way to his interview he doesn't look at me he just grabs me by the wrist and pulls me to the stage with him.

"Trust me." He says as he takes my hand and we walk onto the stage hand in hand.

"Ms. Everdeen has already had her time Peeta." Caesar says but Peeta pays him no mind and speaks to the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Capitol I want to bring Katniss out because I wanted her to be with me. So I hope you don't mind." They all cheer and I stay glued to his side.

"So, Peeta, what was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?" Caesar asking keeping all the attention directed at Peeta.

"Well I was in shock. I mean, one minute I'm seeing my Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next ..." Peeta trails off and wraps his arm around my waist and give me a kiss to the forehead.

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding?" Caesar gently asks and Peeta pauses for a long moment, as if deciding something. He looks out at the spellbound audience, then at the floor, then to me, and finally up at Caesar.

"Caesar, do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?" What we're live in front of all of Panem how is anything going to be a secret? I think but wait for Peeta to continue.

"I'm quite sure they can." Caesar says playing along with Peeta's game. Peeta smiles and pulls me closer.

"You see everyone Katniss and I are already married." I bury my head in the crook of his neck and try to hide the blush that spreads over my face.

"But...how can that be?" Caesar asks in shock.

"Oh it wasn't a legal wedding we didn't go to the Justice Building or anything like that. You remember that painting of Katniss is the white outfit? Well that was her real wedding dress. We have a ritual in District 12." He quickly explains it and then give me a gentle kiss. "We feel more married than any piece of paper or fancy party could make us." I smile and Peeta beams.

"So was this before the Quell announcement?"

"Yes it was...we actually did it right before the Victory Tour. I wanted to surprise Katniss with a ring I designed for her." He holds up my left hand and I see my ring on the huge screens. The crowd gasps and awws.

"We where both so young that we didn't want to tell our families or even Haymitch until after we'd done it but in the end they where all happy for us. But who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together, and then out of nowhere, I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?"

"You couldn't, Peeta." Caesar puts an arm around us and the emotion seems genuine. "As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two had at least a few months of happiness together." He says as he releases us.

"I'm not glad," Peeta says as he wraps both arms around me and lays his hands flat on my stomach and I feel it twist.

"I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially."

This takes even Caesar aback. "Surely even a brief time is better than no time?"

Peeta smile almost breaks my heart. "Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar," says Peeta bitterly and kisses my cheek. "if it weren't for the fact that Katniss is pregnant with our first child. That's our big secret."

There. He's done it again. Dropped a bomb that wipes out the efforts of every tribute who came before him. Well, maybe not. Maybe this year he has only lit the fuse on a bomb that the victors themselves have been building. In the hopes someone would be able to detonate it.

Perhaps thinking it would be me in my bridal gown. Not knowing how much I rely on Cinna's talents, whereas Peeta needs nothing more than his wits. As the bomb explodes, it sends accusations of injustice and barbarism and cruelty flying out in every direction. Even the most Capitol loving, Games hungry, bloodthirsty person out there can't ignore, at least for a moment, how horrific the whole thing is.

I am pregnant.

The audience can't absorb the news right away. It has to strike them and sink in and be confirmed by other voices before they begin to sound like a herd of wounded animals, moaning, shrieking, calling for help.

And me? I know my face is projected in a tight close up on the screen, but I don't make any effort to hide it because in that moment I want it to be true. I realize for the first time in my life that I want to be pregnant. That I want that little girl in Peeta's sketch to be real.

Only the blast of the anthem, cranked up so loud I can feel it vibrating through my bones, lets us know where we stand in the program. I automatically rise and, as I do, I sense Peeta reaching out for me. Tears run down his face as I take his hand.

And then it happens. Up and down the row, the victors begin to join hands. Some right away, like the morphlings, or Wiress and Beetee. Others unsure but caught up in the demands of those around them, like Brutus and Enobaria.

By the time the anthem plays its final strains, all twenty-four of us stand in one unbroken line in what must be the first public show of unity among the districts since the Dark Days. You can see the realization of this as the screens begin to pop into blackness.

It's too late, though. In the confusion they didn't cut us off in time. Everyone has seen. There's disorder on the stage now, too, as the lights go out and we're left to stumble back into the Training Center.

I've lost hold of Chaff, but Peeta guides me into an elevator. Finnick and Johanna try to join us, but a harried Peacekeeper blocks their way and we shoot upward alone.

The moment we step off the elevator, Peeta grips my shoulders. "There isn't much time, so tell me. Is there anything I have to apologize for?" And then I'm hit with a sickening feeling. The last few weeks...my tired spells, my eating, the headaches.

"Oh God No." He wraps his arms around me as the tears begin to fall.

"What Katniss? What's wrong?" He pulls me away to look into my eyes.

"It could be true. The last few weeks, the dreams. Peeta she could be real. The Games they'll take her from us."

We spend the night together half awake and half asleep, he don't talk other then to whisper words of affection and we make love several times during the night. Haymitch's last words to us always ringing in my ear. "Remember who the enemy is."


	47. Catching Fire 15

"Maybe we'll have better luck on the other side. Find a spring or something."

My eyes catch on a funny, rippling square hanging like a warped pane of glass in the air. At first I think it's the glare from the sun or the heat shimmering up off the ground. But it's fixed in space, not shifting when I move.

My warning cry is just reaching my lips when Peeta's knife swings out to slash away some vines. There's a sharp zapping sound. For an instant, the trees are gone, then Peeta's flung back from the force field, bringing Finnick and Mags to the ground.

"Peeta! No!" I run over to him and fall down next to his body. I run my finger over his lips expecting to find moist heat but they are dry and cold. I rest my ear to the crook of his neck, the spot that is always my resting place. The strong, steady beating of Peeta's heart is my lullaby at night and anytime I need to calm myself. I press but I find nothing, nothing but dead silence.

And then it hits me DEAD silence. No Peeta can't be dead. I hit him square in the chest, right over his heart. "Damn it Peeta you can't leave us, not now, please Peeta."

"Let me Katniss." Finnick's fingers touch points at Peeta's neck, run over the bones in his ribs and spine. Then he pinches Peeta's nostrils shut, this causes me to rush toward him sure in fact that Finnick is trying to ensure the end of Peeta's life.

"You're killing him. Stop." I scream.

Finnick's hand comes up and hits me so hard, so squarely in the chest that I go flying back into a nearby tree trunk. I'm stunned for a moment, by the pain, by trying to regain my wind, as I see Finnick close off Peeta's nose again.

I pull out my bow and load an arrow aiming for Finnick's temple but I stop watching as he cups his mouth over Peeta's, watching the steady rise and fall of Peeta's chest under Finnick's leading.

He's not trying to kill him he's trying to save his life, trying to restart his heart. Agonizing minutes drag past as my hopes diminish. Around the time that I'm deciding it's too late, that Peeta's dead, moved on, unreachable forever, he gives a small cough and Finnick sits back.

I throw down my weapon and move to Peeta's side. "Here to finish me off, sweetheart?"

He says and for a moment I am back in the arena, back in our Games with Peeta painted into the lake banks. I smile and I feel the tears start to flow.

"It's a lot stronger than the one on the Training Center roof. I'm all right, just a little shaken."

"You where dead Peeta! I couldn't hear your heart and I was sure that we'd..." He puts a finger to my lips.

"I'm not going to leave my girls." I lean down and place a gentle kiss to his lips. He lifts his hands to my stomach and rubs in a small circle.

"Is she ok?" I shake my head.

The awful chocking sound starts to build in my throat and I can do nothing to stop the racking sobs that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Katniss...Katniss." He voice is soft and calming. "It's ok...I'm here...everything's ok...you're safe." It's crazy just a moment ago Peeta was inches away from death and now he's got me wrapped in his arms comforting me.

"It's just her hormones. It's the baby making her so..." Finnick starts but I cut him off.

"It not that...it's that...you could...and I...couldn't...save...him."

"I love you sweetheart.." He kisses my forehead.

"I love you too Peeta." I duck my head into the crook of Peeta's neck and his arms wrap protectively around my waist. "She's fine Peeta, I promise." He smiles and I place my hands over his.

"I'm sorry I scared you sweetheart."

"As long as you're safe I don't care."

I look at Finnick and I expect to see a smug or sarcastic expression on his face, but his look is strangely quizzical. He glances between Peeta face, my face, and my stomach, as if trying to figure something out, then gives his head a slight shake as if to clear it.

"How are you Katniss, better now?" I nod my head and he looks from me to Peeta.

"Do you think you can move? We really need to find some protection and some water."

"No, he has to rest," I say almost defensively.

"Katniss we need to find water. I promise I'm fine if we go slow. So let's start moving."


	48. Catching Fire 16

Peeta and I sit on the damp sand, facing away from each other, my right shoulder and hip pressed against his.

I watch the water, watching the tide come in and out...watching how the moonlight plays off the surface. How the color of the water reminds me of the dark rings around Peeta's sky blue eyes.

Peeta offered to watches the jungle, which is better for me. I'm still haunted by the voices of the jabberjays mimicking Prim and Gale's screams...my nerve still rattled as I remind myself over and over that they where not real. I shiver because even the sound of the insects can't drown out the memories.

After a while I rest my head against his shoulder and I place a few feather light kisses to the skin of his neck and I whimper when I feel his hand caress my hair pulling it from its braid and messaging the scalp.

"Katniss." The way he says my name, in that low soft whisper, make me shiver. "It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do here."

I sigh because in a way he's right. "No, I guess there isn't, but it's no fun discussing it, either Peeta." I kiss his neck and give it a gentle nip. "Well, not for us, anyway." I say into his skin.

The Capitol viewers will be glued to their sets so they don't miss one wretched word. So I decide we might as well give them a show as we always do.

"I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." Peeta says after a long moment of silence. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us. The question is which one was is it Katniss?"

This gets my attention. A double deal. A double promise. With only Haymitch knowing which one is real. I raise my head, meet Peeta's eyes. "Why are you saying this now?" I look into those perfect shy blue eyes that sparkle in the moonlight and I can see the tears he's trying not to shed and my heart breaks.

"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life Katniss." I hear the pain and emptiness in his words.

"This last year has been the most amazing year of my life. Having you by my side, watching as we fell in love more and more with each passing day. Then you accepted my proposal and I couldn't imagine that life could be any better bit you proved me wrong by giving me a child. I would never...could never...be happy again. With the two of you in my life. Because you are my life."

I start to object but he puts a finger to my lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living. People who love you as much as I do."

Peeta pulls the chain with the gold disk from around his neck. He holds it in the moonlight so I can clearly see the mockingjay. Then his thumb slides along a catch I didn't notice before and the disk pops open. It's not solid, as I had thought, but a locket.

And within the locket are photos. On the right side, my mother and Prim, laughing. And on the left, Gale. Actually smiling. There is nothing in the world that could break me faster at this moment than these three faces. After what I heard this afternoon ... it is the perfect weapon. "Your family needs you, Katniss," Peeta says.

My family. My mother. My sister. And my pretend cousin Gale. But Peeta's intention is clear. That Gale really is my family, or will be one day, if I live. That I'll marry him. So Peeta's giving me his life and Gale at the same time. To let me know I shouldn't ever have doubts about it. Everything. That's what Peeta wants me to take from him. "No one really needs me," he says, and there's no self pity in his voice.

I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. "I do, I need you. We need you." It's that moment that I decide that I am not going to play their game...not going to play by their rules. They can cut the feed if they want this is my moment with Peeta.

"Don't say that Katniss...you have..." I stop him with a finger to his lips.

"No Peeta it's my turn to talk and you listen. Deal?" He simply shakes his head.

"Yes it's true that I have people who love me, who need me but I need you more. My mother has Prim, if somethings happens to me than she still has her and she'll have you to look out for her. Prim loves you, you're her big brother...you made her so happy that day Peeta."

"If you die than yes I'll have Gale but that's not the same. We could stay together, maybe even find a way to be happy together. He would make sure our daughter was cared for but I'm married to you...I married you because I love you and I can't survive without you. I love Gale but not in the same way. He not my cousin and we both know that."

I pause for a moment waiting for the bullet to enter my brain or heart and when it doesn't I know that the Gamesmaster are listening and all of Panem is listening.

"I don't want a life with Gale...I want you. You opened my eyes to love, you taught me that my walls weren't a protection they where a prison and you Peeta...you set me free. I would live for her..." I grab his wrists and press his hands to my stomach.

"But I would see you every day in her perfect blue eyes and her bright smile. I'd see you in the curls of her hair. I'd hear you in her laugh. And every day my heart would ache for you and Gale could never fill that emptiness in me Peeta. I want to sit in my window seat in the library and read my book while I watch you paint."

"I want to watch her sitting at the vanity while you brush and braid her hair. Teach her how to make cheese buns so you you can bring me breakfast in bed. Watch you walk her to school her first day. I need all those moments and I can't have them if you're dead. I'm too selfish to let you go."

I see the anger, the sadness, the love mixed with hate...and I know the hate is not directed at me but at Snow. He wants me say something protest my words or try to convince me that I'm wrong but I won't let him. I wrap my arms around his neck and crush my lips to his.

He doesn't pull away or stop me he simply wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me back with the full force of his emotions and I feel that void open up...that hunger in me that only Peeta is able to effect. He breaks from the kiss and drops to his knees in front of me, his hands locking on to my hips.

"I love you Katniss Mellark and I love you too my little angel. He kiss my stomach and I feel a lurch. "Don't worry little one you're mother will always be there to protect you...I'm so sorry I'll never get to hold you. You'll always be my princess."

I feel the tears hot and stinging in my eyes and I tug at Peeta's hair and he raises to his feet. He looks at me for a long moment our eyes locked and our hand intwined. "You're going to be amazing Katniss...she'll have the tapes and the sketches and your stories. You won't let her forget me."

"She'll have you...she'll have both of us. I'll find a way to make it happen Peeta. There has to be a way." The first tear falls and Peeta wipes it away. "I love you Peeta." I raise up on my tip toes and kiss him. I feel the hunger grow from a flicker of a flame into the full force of an inferno and I want to pull Peeta down and take him here and now but the clock tolls midnight and the loud crack of lightning splits us apart ending our moment.


	49. Catching Fire 17

"We had to save you because you're the mockingjay, Katniss, while you live, the revolution lives." Says Plutarch.

The bird, the pin, the song, the berries, the watch, the cracker, the dress that burst into flames. I am the mockingjay. The one that survived despite the Capitol's plans. The symbol of the rebellion.

"Peeta." I whisper his name and feel an ill twist in my stomach. "Peeta is he alright?" I ask looking first to Haymitch and then to Plutarch. Then I see as they look between themselves.

"The others kept Peeta alive because if he died, we knew there'd be no keeping you in an alliance, and we couldn't risk leaving you unprotected." Haymitch's words are matter of fact, his expression unchanged, but he can't hide the tinge of gray that colors his face.

"Damn you, where is he?" I hiss at him as the rage starts to build. "He was picked up by the Capitol along with Johanna. Enobaria's dead." Haymitch finally he has the decency to drop his gaze.

It overflows, the anger now an inferno of pure rage. "You...no good...low life...drunk...son of a bitch." I launch myself at him and rake my nails across his face, drawing blood and causing damage to one of his eyes. "We had a deal."

I feel Finnick's arms lock around me, pulling me away from Haymitch. "Let me go Odair." I hiss and another hands grab at me and talk me back to the padded bed.

"Katniss you have to stay calm." Finnick's voice is soothing and calming, like a ripple on the water.

"He lied to us, he betrayed us Finnick, we trusted him and..." He stops me with a finger to my lips.

"Katniss, please you have to think about the..." He bites his lip and seems to be debating something in his mind.

"Katniss..." He places his hand over my belly button. "You need to stay calm for her sake..."

I shake my head and the tears start flowing. "She's not real...I wish she was but I'm not..."

"Katniss!" His voice is firm and it snaps me out of my thoughts. His hand stays on my stomach and rubs gentle circles. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, it should be your mother doing this...Peeta said she was a healer but..." He smiles and it's a warm genuine smile that lights up his sea green eyes.

"The doctor ran some test and maybe he knew your secret before you did, but you are pregnant Katniss."

The tears start to flow again. "Please Finn...hold me please."

"Promise not to claw my beautiful face and we have a deal." I nod my head and he unties my cuffs and I sit up slowly. He sits next to me and wraps an arm around my waist. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and I take a deep breath.

"You smell like the sea...it's nice." He laughs and I smile.

"You smell like pine and sunshine."

"She's real?" I ask once more wanting to convince myself that she is. For a moment I think of a boy but the image seems so very wrong. I remember my mother with Prim, she was always so sure that she was a girl. I heard the same from Hazelle about each of her kids.

"Well she might not be a she but yes...you are pregnant Katniss. The doctor said two months along."

I place my hand protectivly over my stomach. "Peeta and I both saw the same girl so I think that's what she is...my little flower."

"Flower?" Finnick raises an eyebrow. "Please tell me that's not going to be her name."

I find myself giggling. "No. My mother, sister, and myself are all named after flowers. Violet, Katniss, and Primrose so Peeta wanted a flower name."

"Did you pick one yet?"

I shake my head and for the first time I say it. "Peeta and I had come up with a list but I won't let any name be said aloud until I knew I was pregnant. So we would cross off the ones we didn't like and circle the ones we did. In the end I like the one he picked. They where his favorite flowers from our Victory Tour. So her name will be Evansia Iris Mellark."

"It's beautiful Katniss...just like her mother."

He gives me a squeeze and it's oddly comforting. "Finnick...what's she like? Your one true love." I see the sad smile come to his face and I almost regret asking him.

"Annie Cresta..." Her name is a whispered prayer on his lips. "I was her mentor, before the Games she was just a sweet sixteen year old girl who wouldn't harm a fly. I tried to work with her bit she was just so pure. I was sure she was going to die in the arena but she didn't, she stayed alive but when she was broken. He died right in front of her. Watching his killed like that broke something in her."

"Did you always love her Finnick?"

"No she crept up on me. Thet put her in the house next to mine. I would hear her crying and screaming through the open window. So one day I went over and she was curled up on the floor fighting something that wasn't there. I started going over there everyday and one day she laughted at something I said and that's when I realized it was the most amazing sound. I wanted to make her do it over and over again. After awhile she came to stay with me and she's been my heart since that day."

I wipe the tears from my eyes and sniff. "That's kind of what happened with me and Peeta. He's loved me forever and it just took me almost losing him in the first Games for the promise to become real." I pause and he questions me about it.

"You remember my first interview dress, the red feathered one that caught fire when I twirled?" He nods his head.

"Well the secret is the feathers where a silk paint that Cinna and Portia created. Peeta painted each one onto my body...the swirls of fire on my arms and legs too."

"Another si ret is he told me he loved me before the interview. He asked me to promise to love him for as long as we had left to live...it was an easy promise because I thought we'd both die in the bloodbath."

"But you didn't die in that arena Katniss and you kept him alive too." Finnicks serms to be thinking about what to say next.

"You didn't believe me? During the Games, I mean the first games, you didn't believe that I really loved him?" I ask as the thought hits me.

"Not then no...but I do now. We'll get them back Katniss. Peeta, Johanna, and...Annie." I take his hand in mine and squeeze it.


	50. Catching Fire 18

After my talk with Finnick I feel drained and lifeless, empty of feeling or emotion. I go into a shut down mode. I stop talking to anyone, even Finnick. I become a emotional Avox.

No one bothers me much or tries to talk to me they simply bring me my food and leave. I spend my time replaying the events of the last year in my head, the good and the bad, over and over. The nightmares comes with a vengeance because Peeta is not here to keep them at bay.

The only time I speak is when I talk to her, my little Iris. I tell her only the good parts of mine and Peeta's story. I know that the truly bad parts are soon to come and someday she will learn of them and I wonder how she will react.

I tune out the words that everyone says until they become a hum of insects, the buzz of the tracker jackers or whatever was in that one slice of the arena. But one day a voice comes that I can't tune out.

"Hey Catnip." I don't want to turn, I don't want to face him. I don't want to face the unanswered questions and unsaid things, but he knows me like no one else does. In a way that even Peeta doesn't know me.

I turn and try to keep my shock in check. He stands with his arm in a sling, his face bares the marks of a recent burns, and I bandages under his shirt. My mind tries to reason this out with my last images of him.

"Hey Gale." I try to smile but I know it's fake and forced, he knows this too.

"What happened?" He looks uncomfortable a flash of hesitation on his face. I haven't forgotten about Peeta, I have simply remembered that there are other people who need my attention. "What happened?" I ask again and he looks more pained. "Prim and my mother?"

"They're both fine Katniss worried about you but fine. I got them out in time." This brings a million questions to the surface and they all fight to be asked and answered.

"Got them out? Out of where? They're not in District 12? Where are they?" I ask and I feel like my insides are twisting into knots as the silence drags on.

"They came with planes. Firebombs. The Hob was nothing compared to what the firebombs did to the Seam and the rest of the District."

"So they're not in District 12 anymore?" I feel like saying this over and over will somehow protect me from the truth, hold the floor gates at bay a bit longer.

"Katniss." His hand comes to rest on my cheek and the way he repeats my name threatens to break me. His voice is soothing and gentle the way he speaks before delivering the death blow to an animal or comforting Posy when she hurts herself playing.

"What happened? My voice is just a whisper but I know the gate is almost open so I prepare for the flood.

"Katniss."

I feel the tears start to flow and he wipes them away. "Don't...please...don't say it."

"It's gone Katniss." I try to cover my ears block out the sound but he stops me. "There is no District 12 Katniss."

"No! No!" I sink to the ground and he lets me. I press my hands to my stomach to hold in the vomit that threatens to spill out of me.

"Katniss...please calm down. They're safe." He says and the words are hollow as they hit my ears.

"Not everyone is, some had to die. Not everyone got out and the ones that didn't I killed. I killed them! It's all my fault! I killed them." I feel the sobs start to build, that awful sound that comes with them stings at my throat.

"Katniss!" The sharp slap of his voice pulls me out of my head and back into reality. I look up and he is holding his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me up. "You didn't do it Katniss. Snow did it, he ordered the bombs."

"Because of me. I shot that force field, I destroyed the arena so he destroyed my home. Took Peeta, Johanna, Annie and God only knows who else. Because of me."

He takes my hand and leads me to the bed. I sit and he sits beside me. "You have to stay calm. Finnick told me that you need to stay calm because of..." His voice trails off but I can finish his sentence.

"The baby." It's a whisper but he tenses so I know he heard it. In this moment I worry that I will lose him along with everything else that was taken from me.

"Finnick told me about her and I wanted to make sure you where ok."

The flood gates have opened and I have been over taken by the water. "I'm never going to be ok again. I've lost Peeta to the Capitol, Snow's going to torture them to get back at me and Finnick. I can't lose anyone else. I have to stay alive for her but what life do I have without Peeta. I did this for him. I didn't want..."

"You don't want the baby?" He says slowly and his words sound sickening as they hit my ears, the truth in his tone.

"No I didn't want any of it. Didn't want to fall in love with Peeta didn't want to keep that promise. Didn't want to get married or have this baby. I don't want her to pay for our mistakes. Victor's children get reaped more often. Peeta wanted her so I gave him what he wanted."

"But it's real now for you Katniss? You really do love him?" I hear the pain in Gale's voice and I know I can't comfort him.

"I need to rest. Can you come back later?" I feel selfish for asking but that's what I am and Gale knows this.

"Yeah. I need to go talk to Plutarch anyway. I'll be back with dinner."

He leaves the room and the empty feeling just grows deeper.


	51. District 13

**AN: Sorry for not updating but I wanted to take a little break from this one. I pumped out the first 50 super fast and I don't want to burn out before I finish so thanks for the love and urging to continue. Please review...please?**

The rain falls in a cold fine mist that soaks deep into my bones and sends chills through my whole body. I walk slowly backward my bow drawn, an arrow in the notch ready to fly in the creatures heart.

I step back and it advances forward, a deadly tango of hunter and pray but I'm unsure of who fills what role. I take aim but can't bring myself to shoot, my eyes locked with the creature's.

The fur is a golden blonde with a slight curl to it and even in the mist it's luminous. The creature every steps carries a weight to it and my heart lurches at the sound. The animal is stocky but muscled.

It's eyes are what truly unsettle me, everything about them screams of wrongness. The color an unnatural blue, instead summer sky I see only ice. There is no gentle gleam to these eyes, no love or compassion, no understand there is only the want of death and blood in this creatures eyes.

I call the creature by name, the only name I can give to it and watch as it bares it's perfect white teeth, teeth that desire to tear away the flesh from my bones.

It lunges forward and I let the arrow fly. "Forgive me." I whisper as the tip punctures it's heart and it falls to the ground dead.

I sink to my knees, the strength seeping from my body as if the arrow had buried into my own heart. I drop the bow as I feel the warmth of blood flowing from my body. I look down to see the red lines running down my legs and my stomach twists in a pain that causes my hands to protectively cradle myself, as if the action alone with protect the life inside of me from death.

I wake from the nightmare images and reach for arms that are not there. It's his arms that protect me while I sleep, a vice grip cradle that keeps me pressed into the warmth that belongs only to him.

I need his arms now, arms that are followed by lips that gently kiss away the fears. Fingers that wipe away tears before skimming over my body, with each touch I feel the darkness seep from me replaced by his light.

I scream out but no one comes for me. I keep the door to the room locked and a chair under the handle. I use to sleep with Prim but the Games took that way from me too.

Peeta's body and warmth are the only thing that brings me peace or comfort, but he is no longer with me. Another thing that the Capitol and Snow has stolen from my life. I will find Peeta but I shutter to think of what will be left of him after the Capitol's torture.

It's better if he's dead, he may be dead already...yes it's best for him to be dead. My heart almost stops with this thought.

Better for who? For Peeta? His family is dead, all of them. I shed no tears for his mother or brothers who never made an effort to know me. It's Steven who I cry for.

Peeta's father was a kind man, a good man, who loved his gentle and sensitive youngest son. I grew to love him over the last year and it pains me deeply that he is not here with us.

I throw aside the sweat soaked covers and dangle my leg. I go to stand and that's when it hits me, the twisting pain and the warm trickle. The heavy metallic smell hit my nose as my knees hit the floor.

Just like my dream my hands wrap protectively around my stomach to cradle the small life that grows within me. "It's all alright...you're safe." I repeat Peeta's words of comfort as I crawl to the door.

I remove the chair and unlock the door. "Prim!" I scream afraid to move anymore then I already have. "The baby! It's the baby!"

A moment later she is next to me with our mother right behind us. I watch as my mother eyes widen in fear and she runs away, running to the phone to call the infirmary.

Time passes in a blur of light, sounds, hushed tones, and the stabbing of needles and the tubes that pump liquids into my body. No one speaks to me and the panic starts to grow with every minute.

A doctor finally comes over to me and sits in the small chair next to my bed. She is in her mid 50's with silver hair and wide brown eyes that are kind and warm. Despite the color difference they remind me of Peeta's.

"It was a very close call Ms. Everdeen but they baby is strong and healthy." I let out a breath I didn't know that I was holding and I feel a calm spread over me. "But you must be more careful if you want the baby to remain that way. You have to get more rest and you must eat."

"I eat." I say grumpy and tired.

"Well I have put in orders with the kitchen, would you like to see the baby Ms. Everdeen?"

I look at her with a mix of shock and wonder. My mother had told me of the machines in the Capitol and the richer Districts that would allow for viewing and measuring of the fetus. "Yes I would. Thank you."

She stands and walks over to a small television positioned on top of a cart with wands and wires running everywhere.

She parts the folds of the gown and applies a slightly cold clear jelly to my stomach and then turns on the screen which hums to life with a gray fuzz on the screen. She touches the wand to my stomach and begins to move it around.

The images mean little to me until I see it...and foot turns into feet. Legs curled into a rounded stomach. Arms waving in the space around her body. Then a face becomes clear to me, the colors are not there on the screen but they are bright and clear in my mind.

"She's perfect." My voice sounds small and scared. I fear if I speak to loud she will fade into nothing.

"Would you like some pictures to hold onto incentive to remain calm and eat?" The doctor asks and I nod. I watch ad the images print and she hands them to me. "Remember she's small and fragile and you must stay strong for her."

"So it is a girl?" I ask my voice regaining some strength.

"Yes. She is. Now please rest, I've left orders with your mother and sister and I will see you again in a week."

She leaves the room and I let my fingers run over the image of our little girl. We were both right about her being a girl and this makes me smile.

But the sadness hits me just as the smile forms on my lips. "Oh Peeta, I wish you where here to see her." The tears sting my eyes and I throw my head back into the pillow and let them flow.


	52. District 13 (2)

AN: The poem at the end is my own...it came to me while reading City of Glass. The last chapter is called Across The Sky In Stars.

A week passes and I am glad when the doctor says that I am healthy enough to be freed from the confines of my bed.

I have hated looking at the same four gray walls in this windowless room. To be honest that's what I hate the most about being here in District 13, the white and grayness of everything around me.

I miss the warmth of the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair, the grass under my fingers. I miss hunting in the woods on Sunday's with Gale or laying under the stars with Peeta in the meadow in the Victor's Village.

I feel a dull ache twist in my stomach as I think of that last image. Peeta and I sneaking out of the house with blankets and treats like the seventeen year olds that we are.

But unlike most seventeen year olds we had our own house and no parents to answer to, even with my mother living next door.

Peeta packed a small basket of biscuit and cookie and two flasks of tea and I took two of the spare quilts from the closet and we headed for the meadow.

I laid one of the blankets on the ground in the center of the meadow and watched as Peeta walked around for a moment before coming to the blanket with one hand behind his back.

"For you my beautiful Katniss." I smile as he pulls the flowers and presents them to me. I sniff them and the lay them down next to me.

I lace my arms around Peeta neck and he pulls me to him in a tight embrace. "I love you Mrs. Mellark." He breaths the word into the skin of my neck.

"I love you too Mr. Mellark. Now what kind of buns did you bring for me?" I say with a smile that makes him cock his head to the side.

"Are you with me for my buns?"

"No but they are pretty hot." I give him what I hope is an alluring smile and when I hear him the low growl I know that I have done something right.

"Cinnamon, dill, me?"

I bite my lip and pretend to thing hard. "Hmm I'll save you for last."

He laughs and hands me half a bun of each then settle down on the blanket next to me. We eat in silence and when we are both done I curl into his side and rest my head in that spot that is designed just for me it seems.

I rest my hand over the space above his heart and let my fingers draw lazy patterns on his chest.

"You know the star just aren't as pretty as they use to be now." He says with a gentle sigh and his arms tighten around me.

"And why is that Peeta?"

"Because I have the most beautiful light wrapped in my arms and her light is a million times more glorious then any star in the Heavens and her love is deeper then the greatest ocean."

I see his perfect blue eyes sparkle in the moonlight turning them from the summer sky to a silver blue pool of water, made wet by the tears that fall so freely when he makes these decelerations of love to me.

In these tears I don't see weakness but I see a strength that has carried me through the darkest moments of the last few months of my life.

I bring my lips to his and I place a kiss as gentle as the flutter of butterfly wings on the soft skin. As always he seems to melt under my touch and I run my tongue along his bottom lip, a silent request for entrance.

He opens to me with no hesitation and I keep the kiss light, a gentle dance of partners but I know that his touch to my bare skin will turn our waltz into a tango.

He pulls at me until I am positioned on top of him and I feel the alignment of our bodies and that twist in my stomach lurches sending a jolt of energy through every nerve of my body.

"You will never truly understand the effect you have on me Katniss. Just how deep into me you are. Every part of who I am is tired to you. You are the coil that wraps around my heart. The pulse of my blood, the tempo of my breath, the ache of my soul all belong to you and without you I am empty and without. I can never think of you any other way. I will never stop loving you."

I feel that stinging burn as the tears threaten to fall from my own eyes. I reach out my hand to push a curl of hair from his eyes. I let my fingers linger on his skin, running them from his forehead, down the side of his blue eyes make almost silver in the moonlight...I smile at this because it makes his features more like mine.

I brush over his cheekbone, trace the delicate square of his jaw, and end at the curve of his lips. Lips that are as perfect as his eyes. He stops breathing through his mouth the second my finger brushes over his bottom lip, which is thicker than the top. But there is something about the curve and the perfect shape of the bow that make the top just as appealing as the bottom.

I sigh when I feel his lips press into my finger and he opens his lips to draw in the pad. "Peeta." My voice is whisper but I feel him react under me.

"I love you so much." He smiles and I bend down again to gently press my lips to his. His hand locks to the back of my neck and holds my head down, trapping my lips to his. He intensifies the kiss and when we break apart for air I see the swelling of his lips and I smile.

"Can we stay here tonight Katniss? We can sleep under the stars and I can hold you and we'll keep away the other's nightmares."

"I'll allow it only if you make love me under the sky of stars." I say and his smile is brilliant.

"If I could I would pull every star from the night sky.

I would repaint the night sky with the beauty of your light.

I would take the sparkle from your eyes and the shine from them and make a sky of new stars.

I would take the warmth of your touch and the gentleness of your heart and paint a new sunrise

For it's your love that warms my waking hours and your light that leads me home at night

So I will hold tight to you my goddess of light, my great Northern Star

For your love is the light that seep into the darkness of my soul and makes me a better man"

"That's beautiful Peeta. Who wrote it?" I ask and again that brilliant smile graces his face.

"It came to me just now...looking at you Karniss. You're my Northern Star, my home is where I'm with you." I kiss him and this time I am not first to pull away.


End file.
